My Best Friend is having a birthday getaway celebration and I’m not invited

Hello Lane, that is actually very sound advice. At one point in my life I became very close friends with someone else and when my BFF kinda mentioned she didn’t trust my other friend much, I kinda took a step back from my other friend. We had a falling out and stopped talking. Eventually we began talking again but it was never the same. Just this weekend that friend reached out to me for something else via text and she actually invited me to lunch. An invitation that I had refused many times because of my BFF. This time I told her I would join her. It felt good. This friend is also single by the way.

Yes Lane, thank you. Who knows maybe that’s what needed to happen all along so I could put some distance between us.

Hi Tammy, I have often thought that I am like that as well. The type of person that should just have a few good friends as opposed to a best friend. That way I avoid situations like this. I think I held on to this friendship a lot longer than I should have because I was lonely in the friendship department. I have no sisters and all of my cousins are married and doing their own thing. I think my whole life I’ve always wanted to feel what it was like to have a sister. That one person you can call or talk to always that was your partner in crime. At least in my mind that’s what having a sister is like. So yes I am taking a step back from this friendship, I am very sad. We have not spoken since Wednesday and I do miss her. She was a constant in my life.

Tammy, I’m definitely going to try and work on myself and see what happens. I am looking forward to hanging out with my other friend. We work together and so we do see each other and we talk here and there but we have not hung out in years because of comments my best friend made about her. The times my friend asked me to hang out and I turned her down I did it because I didn’t want my BFF to find out and give me grief about it and I also didn’t want to lie to her about where I was. Most weekends my BFF would invite me to go out or hang out at her place so that also took a lot of my time away from going out with other people or making other friends. The friends I have right now I met through her. So in this situation I feel like they will side with her. Sonia the other friend who is going on the birthday getaway made a few snarky comments when we were at the casino. I’m not a confrontational person so I just ignored her but I think her and my BFF had already talked about it and sonia was trying to get me to say something so she could give me her 2 cents. I think this is an issue between my BFF and I. But again I have made up my mind as sad as I am I think it’s for the best. She hasn’t reached out and neither have I. I’m guessing this will be the way things are from now on.

Hi Pandiimi, sadly you are correct. I do romanticize friendship. I have 3 younger brothers and while they have been there for me in the toughest moments of my life I can’t share everything with them or hang out with them in the same way, or talk about my day.

When I was a teenager I had four cousins I was very close with, two and two sisters. We would all hang out and we had a meeting point. At the end of our day we would all end up at that same meeting point. Two sisters would go one way and the other two the other way , and I would go home by myself. For some reason that would make me very sad. I don’t know if that had an everlasting effect on how I view friendships.

Hi, Sandra,

Oh, that makes more sense now that you mention you have three Brothers; that you would thus all-the-more pine for a Sister; being surrounded by Boys.

I have a Female-Friend, who has four Older-Brothers and thus was quick to consider me a Sister; which she would pine for me more than I would.

I am sorry that you felt sad when witnessing those two pairs of Sisters among your Cousins going home together. However, I doubt you would really know everything that has been going on between each pair of Sisters. They certainly have had their Ups & Downs among one other; as is the Case in every Relationship.

I have found that Life usually plays-out as it is meant to–in the best way possible for each and every one of us! :)

Hi, Sandra,

You are most welcome! I actually posted My Latest Reply before reading your Reply ##893752. where you mention the Four Sisters of Your BFF.

I was actually considering when posting My Latest Reply whether I should Reflect on Friendship vs. Sisterhood:

As you are aware: The Love between Sisters is unconditional. And as you rightly-say, in many Cases, an Individual feels more comfortable sharing certain confidences with a Close-Friend rather-than a Sister.

In a way, you could feel very thankful that your Friend SELECTED you to be close to; unlike her Sisters came to her through the Natural-Order of Life. I now think of My Relationship with My Father’s Brother’s Wife, whom I have always loved so much and admired. I was telling My Mom when I was a Teenager that I was envious that My Father’s Brother’s Wife is so close to her Biological-Niece and would care for her more than me. And My Mom said, “Well, that’s her niece! Why don’t you appreciate that she really loves and cares for you as much as she does [in spite of not being obligated to]?!”

You could apply likewise to Your Best-Friend! It is so sweet that you and she have bonded through all Your Ups & Downs!

I am also glad to find you are objectively accepting to perceive how all pans-out. I emphasize: Do NOT think that Your Best-Friend’s Birth-Day Plans are overindicative of anything or that this is the Final Word on that Matter! :)

I think there are a lot of insightful comments here. Hope they could help you through this time and make you feel better.

Sandra, I think your friendship with bestie doesn’t need to end. I think you just need a breath of fresh air. You mentioned you have another friend contacting you, I think it is a good start. I am not sure why your bestie did not like her, maybe she was being a little possessive, afraid of losing you?

I was in your situation, very similar. All the friends I used to hang out with every weekend, they all got married and had kids one after another. Although I had a partner at the time, we were childless. So we spent a lot of time staying in watching TV to pass the weekend. I was quite bored, honestly! LOL

So I tried to make friends with a coworker I thought we had a quite good connection with each other. We had a monthly craft day for close to 2 years until she moved away to another city. Then through her, I met some of her friends. I keep in touch with two of her friends after she moved.

I also tried to make closer connection with my then partner (failed, we broke up last year); with his family (all good, they love me very much, but that did not help me and him be closer) and his friends (he dosen’t have a lot of friends thou).

I also took a few courses at university and community centre, so I met another few friends, and one we stay in touch and get very close. And now she is one of my close friends and also my exercise trainer.

My girl friends, they are still my girl friends. They are moms, so they will always be busy with no end. Last week we were so fortunate to be able to have one girls night. The host she said “This is my first real alone girls night in 12 years after I gave birth to my first born.” You could imagine.

Your bestie might be distant now, for whatever reason. It is not necessary the end of your friendship. Go explore the world and have fun. Keep her in your heart and send in a word or two once in awhile to keep in touch.

Hope everything works out for the best for both of you. Good luck!

Hi Karina, I am so glad that after everything you went through that you are at peace, that’s where I hope to be att. unfortunately I am going to have to probably go through the grieving process and that is the hardest part so I thank you for being supportive and for sharing your story, stories like this really do give me hope for what’s to come and while I am upset and sad right now I know that there are better days coming so as of now I am occupying myself with school I am a part-time student I do have kids that keep me somewhat busy they are older but all in all I think that reconnecting with some older friends and probably belng more available to other friends that I would normally not be will help me through this.

Hi Tammy, what you are saying does make a lot of sense and I think over the years I was so focused on just this one friendship because I really did believe it would last forever. We would tell each other as much. We were like sisters. But I do believe and I have for a while now that I probably would do better without a best friend. This is draining for me. I have other friends that know her that have told me more than once that this is a one sided friendship ,where I have given more than I have received. I think I chose not to see it and I dismissed many of the things she did over the years and just figured that as her best friend I had to accept her behavior the same way she accepted mine because we all have flaws.

sandra in my case, we never went through a formal closure event. certain things happened, and we all realized that too much has happened for us to be able to go back to the same level of friendship. we lost contact over the years and now am in touch with only one of them. the same woman i discussed earlier. who has now reconnected because she has lost all her data on her mobile phone. :-).

if i was in your place I wouldn’t go for any such meeting to discuss ‘closure”. its only going to cause more heartbreak and sadness. what my view is right now both of you guys are struggling with raw emotions and changing dynamics between you two. i think you feel betrayed and abandoned and she feels you no longer fit in her life like you used to. its too soon to meet. maybe when things have settled down a bit in your mind and you have had time to quietly reflect, and your not feeling so raw, that would be a more appropriate time to see if your friendship is salvageable with changing dynamics.

sorry i missed the part where u said you agreed to the meeting. pleas don’t meet if your having 2nd thoughts. don’t get convinced unless your sure you want to meet. meet when you feel your ready to meet. postpone the meeting is my suggestion. just tell her you suddenly have some other stuff coming up and that you will let her know later when would be a good day to meet.

ouch that must hurt. your friend in her excitement of this new life with her bf, doesn’t realize that shes being insensitive and hurting you. or maybe that’s her way of telling you there seems to be no open slots of time for this friendship with you? either way, time for you to take the not so subtle hint and buzz off. why give her the closure that she needs when its only going to mess you up more? just like you are coming to terms with this, so will she. avoid meeting her on sunday or any other day in near future.

instead take time to deal with this breakup and factor that in over the next few weeks. my suggestion is to sit down and figure the things that you actually like doing. be it weekend trekking, yoga classes, some golf course, cooking classes, some new dishes you want to learn to cook. or take off this weekend to spend time with some cousins, mom, relatives, whatever you can think off. get listed on some dating apps, movies, some nice web series, just do whatever it takes.

meeting on sunday is mostly going to end one way i feel. you accusing her of forgetting you and your feelings of betrayal. and in turn she possibly may accuse you of being jealous of her new life, her steady relationship, etc. i would avoid. rest you must do what you feel is good for you at this point in life. either which way do keep us posted. take care