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Bella.
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Bella
My bf didn’t call me after saying he would, am I overreacting?
My bf and I have been together for just over a year. He’s currently doing some travelling and before he went he said multiple times he would call me everyday. This was his idea, I didn’t ask him to call me everyday.
The first day he got there quite late but texted me to say he was really tired and couldn’t call. I was okay with that because I knew his journey was really long. We talked the second day and he said on the phone that he’d call me tomorrow too.
The next day we text each other updates as usual. He tells me he got back from a hike, feels tired and will relax for a bit. I last text him around 5.30pm but he doesn’t respond to me. His last online was around 8pm.
Then I don’t hear from him at all so I texted him around 10pm saying that I was expecting a call from you but didn’t hear from you, are you okay? My text didn’t go through, it was only one tick on WhatsApp. A part of me thought maybe he’s asleep but I was also worried because he’s travelling alone.
He responds to me in the morning saying he has was really tired and fell asleep.
It’s not about him not calling me as much as it’s about him promising to and then not even sending a quick text to say I won’t be able to call you today. I told him this and he said you’re right, but did I really need to explain this sort of behaviour would make me upset?
He’s messaged me to say he wants to call me today, but I don’t really want to talk to him. I’m upset about the lack of consideration.
I’m not sure how to move forward with this.
Raven
Seriously?
Tallspicy
Wow. If my boyfriend was traveling and said he would call, I would think, we’ll see. But you hardly made it appealing for him to call you. The first time he doesn’t call you scold him? And before you say you were concerned… this is a grown man. You are not his mother.
He responded the next morning, saying he fell asleep. Totally reasonable, his lack of consideration? You know he’s busy and traveling. You want to be someone thing he looks forward to, not an obligation. Especially since he is interacting with you by text. Maybe think about if you have anxious attachment and learn to be more secure.
Maddie
Sometimes people fall asleep earlier than they intend when they’re jet lagged, without even realizing it. Let’s flip the situation and say neither of you were traveling but you were feeling a little sick. You said you’d call him, but instead you passed out. The next day, you apologized to him, explained what happened, and suggested plans to call him when you were feeling better. How would you feel if he was still angry at you about that and didn’t want to talk to you? That’s very adversarial towards someone who is supposed to be your teammate who made an innocent mistake or miscalculation.
Sounds like you’ve got other issues with him and other behaviors and experiences with him, or you’ve got issues with relationships in general. This is just the newest annoyance to get hung up on, but not the actual problem. Figure out what the problem and if it’s an incompatibility problem with the relationship or if it’s a you problem.
Khadija
He’s on vacation, let him enjoy the trip. He’ll be in touch when he can. Do you have other things to do besides waiting for him to call because this behavior comes off as needy. Let it go and stop getting on his case about calling you when he’s away.
Bella
Thank you for all the responses, I’ve read them and I definitely agree it’s an issue with my own anxiety. It’s definitely my anxiety coupled with this being the first time we’re apart from each other for so long.
I was also cheated on in my last relationship and I’ve found that since then the fear of being cheated on or left feels a lot more triggering to me. I’ve been in therapy for this, so it’s definitely something I’m working on.
We did end up talking about it and I agreed that I won’t expect him to call me everyday and that would be okay. He was really understanding but I also realised I don’t want to be the kind of partner that ends up ruining his trip because of my anxiety. I’ve decided to leave it to him to initiate calls and texts while he’s away so he doesn’t feel like he has to be on the phone with me.
I’ve reached out to friends and family to make some plans everyday in the evening so I can keep myself busy and take care of myself in the meantime.
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