Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › my bf found out i was sick n he didn't do anything. Does he not love me anymore?
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Ashley.
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Samantha Grey
not 1 message or anything. i know he works but seriously?
Raven
How sick were you?
Samantha Grey
reaaally sick. i am having cold and hot tempatures and am having trouble breathing.
Raven
Have you seen a doctor?
How long have you been sick?Ashley
I’m sorry you’re sick I hope you feel better.. to be honest I think you’re overreacting and being needy. Guys aren’t nurturing like women are and they also aren’t mind-readers. I’m sure he feels bad you’re sick but for a guy to not make a grand gesture or go crazy that you’re sick is not uncommon. in relationships if you always look for someone to act a certain way & get unhappy if they don’t act a certain way, you’ll always be disappointed. I know what it’s like to wish a guy was more in tune with your needs but unless you’re like in the hospital with someone serious, it’s just not realistic to get upset about a guy not doing anything when you’re under the weather
Samantha Grey
2 days n no. its a fever.
Ashley – u are entitled to ur opinion n thats ok. i understand ur opinion n thx.
k. last question. do guys act more on actions or words?
say i gave a guy his dream gift, will he be verbal about his appreciation or use actions?
Raven
What occasion is the ‘Dream Gift’ for?
Samantha Grey
just a random day.
or valentines day.
mainly a random day
Andrea
I agree with you, this is neglect. If I were you I would re- consider his qualification being my boyfriend. I don’t think it’s common for guys being careless, if he loves you, yes, he will make sure to deliver his attention. I don’t understand your last question. Did you say you gave him a dream gift to exchange for his love? And why would you give him a dream gift when he barely cares that you are sick? Please don’t do that, gift cannot buy a man.
Raven
Well Samantha,
Gift reaction really depends on the guy. How long have you two been dating/exclusive?
I’m not sure this is a good idea without more information …I also think you have unrealistic expectations regarding his (non) contact during your 2 day sickness.
Samantha Grey
Andrea, i didn’t get him a dream gift recently. N i am glad u agree wit me.
i am NOT getting him a dream gift!! When we were broken up (for a year n a few months),after a year, i got him a flirty card, he never said anything. next day, he kept smiling at me n looking at me.
Raven
Samantha, Can I ask your age?
Samantha Grey
18.
Raven
Ok – I still think your expectations around your BF contacting you for a 2 day sickness (cold) are unrealistic. & fellas that age are especially obtuse.
Guys that age are also “embarrassed” fairly easily. If he was smiling & looking at you, I’m sure he appreciated the card :)
Ashley
is your boyfriend also 18? lol 18 year old guys are not mature enough in experience with women that they are going to know you need this or that when you’re just sick with a common cold for 2 days. Not trying to sound negative or anything but you might want to be less overdramatic in the future or guys especially young guys might think you’re nuts. Definitely nothing to worry about or get bent out of shape about Also giving guys gifts is usually not a good idea, it can creep them out, guys like to be the provider if you’re going to do something nice for a guy it should be after he’s done at least 4 nice things for you. I think you are coming on too strong & expecting things out of a young minded situation. A guy should be giving to you freely, it seems you are trying to push something to happen or get a certain reaction from him which is the wrong way to go about it. Acting like that will cause a guy to lose his attraction for you. You need to let things happen naturally
Samantha Grey
obtuse? Raven – thx
Ashley – Stereotyping all guys are similar is bloody ridiculous. I do agree with some of your points but you can’t simply assume all guys are the same. I have known him for over 4 years. FOUR years. Some guys like gifts, others don’t. He reassures me with actions and I with words. Its our dynamic. Each couple has a different dynamic. I will accept fault for overreacting to the sick part. Okay? I was overreacting then. BUT I won’t allow all men to be steretyped as the same. Its like saying all women like mysterious guys. No. Not all do.
I read an article about a lover who wrote letters to his love everyday since he first went on a date with her (40 years). I bet if a man posted a question about doing that, majority would say he looks desperate and/or creepy. I personally would find it sweet.
So please, no assumptions over thinking all men are the same.
Ashley
lol whoa there. if it doesn’t apply to you then you don’t need to be defensive. actually it’s rare for guys to like those things that females do. you’re 18 so what you think you know could be very very wrong so I was just trying to help you see some things.. I mean that guy who wrote all those love letters is a rare exception lol just trying to be realistic to help you if you think a lot of guys act like fairytales then you’re in for a rude awakening.. if you know what he likes then why are you asking about it lol .. maybe it’s different where you’re from. I’m in the US & any 18 year old guy I know would be turned off/creeped out by that but if that’s what works for you then go for it.
Samantha Grey
sorry. i just got upset. he is from the US and is not like the guys you described.
Jen
You don’t want your guy to be stereotyped but he is an 18 y/o man. These kind of things are not on their radar..he isn’t sitting there thinking “ahh she has a cold I need to bring her some hot lemon tea” honestly he is probably more like “meh … Oh hey a new video game” he’s not focused on u being sick be it’s not on his radar.
Maybe you should text him that you aren’t feeling well and seeing him would help (or something) and see his actions towards your sickness are when it is brought to his attention
Lady T
Hey Samantha Grey,
All men are pretty much the same BUT there are so,e exceptions some of the time. When you come to a website like this, looking for advice about men, you should expect and accept that you’re going to get advice that generalizes male behavior.
Ashley is totally right. Men are not nurturing by nature, ESPECIALLY at the age of 18, unless you found the exception. But, in that case, you wouldn’t have posted here then… Through the boyfriends, relationships and husbands that I’ve had, Men are not nurturing. Most are absolute BABIES when they are sick and not much help at all when we are sick. It is not a measure of how much he cares about you.
And comparing his reaction to you being to sick to his reaction to you giving him a gift is irrelevant because one is very different from the other, in my opinion.
BUT I hope you’re feeling better now to have a fun V Day with him. xo
Lane
Lady T is so right! I remember when my husband was first sick with a cold and flu you would think he was dying! Can you please bring me some water, can you make me some soup, can you, can you, can you! I was like really?!?!
When I was sick, which was rare thank goodness, I got up and did it myself! Now he was excellent at doting on me during my late term pregnancies and births (we had two sons) especially with the first when I had a c-section, and once when I got really sick and ended up in the emergency room, but overall men aren’t all that intuitive unless you ASK or TELL them to do something.
E.
I also think it varies. When I’m sick, my boyfriend pretty much drops everything to take care of me. But that’s our dynamic–he’s a care giver type. That said, not all relationship dynamics or personalities are the same. He may well be oblivious. In this case, as in all cases, it’s important to be open and direct about what you need from him. I agree with Lane on this one.
Ashley
“the guys I described” lol I’m not saying there is anything wrong with guys that I “described” that is just guys that age period, facts, just pointing out the clear differences between them & females. When you ask for advice, we’re going to tell you the truth & help you, not tell you what you want to hear. That’s not helping. If you want people to tell you what you want to hear to validate what you think you know then you wouldn’t need to ask for advice. If you are getting upset from advice or an unrealistic expectation then that’s your issue you need to work on. You are 18 and guys are behind women in maturity so he’s WAY younger mentally than you are. Even if he’s a great guy, you can’t expect a kid to think or behave the same way you are. At any age, but especially a young man. 99% of 18 year old guys are thinking about sports, sex, what they’re going to do with their buddies…not acting like a nurse lol sorry. If I sound bitchy it’s only to help you because if you think in a way that is not reality you are going to be VERY confused & frustrated for a long time
Lady T
Exactly, E.! Your guy is an exception. Which is special and awesome :) Enjoy and appreciate that girl.
Sometimes, a guy will do it instinctively but there were SO many times where I had to ask flat out for what I needed. It’s very normal. I was, however, always grateful that I received any help and made sure they knew it :)
Samantha Grey
honestly he is probably more like “meh … Oh hey a new video game” he’s not focused on u being sick be it’s not on his radar. – can agree wit.
Thx – Lady T and Lane, and of course Ashley. And E.
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