Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › My Boyfriend after just days of us being lover decides to work far from home
- This topic has 3 replies and was last updated 3 years, 7 months ago by
Novice Lover.
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Novice Lover
Hi, my boyfriend decided to work far away from home just days after us being lovers. He is my first boyfriend, so it came really as a hard thing since it’s very new to me, being in a relationship and all. Now we’re 1 and half years together, I know the problem lies with me. I am an insecure person, now I’m having trouble since now I know how important proximity is to me. I talked about it with him, and I said that I will work on myself to trust him better. It’s just everyday is a struggle but I know that I should trust him and focus on my own path as to give more into our relationship and especially to myself. How do you deal with this? And how can I be of better in handling this? Thank you
Novice Lover
We’re already working btw. 28F 27M. I was kind of a late bloomer, he already had a fair share of gfs, him being my childhood classmate got together in a school reunion, I know cliche, but I really want this to work. :(
Persephone
Will he always work far away, or will it end at some time in the near future? Also, how long have you been together?
A couple of things: trust. If you don’t trust him this LDR will not work.
Read up on insecure attachment types for more specific tips. You seem to be insecurely attached, and there’s no real trick for getting over that- you have to do the personal work. And it doesn’t matter if it is this guy or another one… the same work has to be done.I say all of this with no judgment. I was previously insecurely attached myself due to childhood trauma, so I know the challenges you face. I worked hard with a therapist (sometimes two times per week) for about 3-4 years. It really was a lot of work, but it really helped me to learn not to try to control what’s on the outside of me just because I feel anxious inside. I also read A LOT.
Now I’m married to someone who has his own attachment issues due to abandonment. I have a lot of empathy for him because I know it’s a hard thing to manage. But it’s possible, and I hope you are able to move past this.
Novice Lover
Hi Persephone, we’ve been together for 1 and a half year. His work is not assured but if he keeps signing to renew his contract it will continue for a year and so on. Since the pay is good, he wants it. Since it is his decision, I wanted to support him. I keep getting jealous and anxious that he would meet someone else better than me.
I actually am aware that it is toxic, so I’ve also been reading things about insecurities and its quite helping. As you’ve said it really is a self work.
I think it is rooted with failed relationships of my friends relatives and acquaintances that have sought me to vent out about it. Since I havent been in a relationship before I think that shaped my perspective in love that it can be taken away at anytime.
Its a struggle, but I want to change my thinking to make thia work.
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