Home › Forums › Break Up Advice › My boyfriend cheated but told her she was just sex to him
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Newbie.
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Kiss
[25F] My boyfriend [25M] cheated physically and emotionally , told girl he cheated with I’m mean and start drama. (Long read might’ve missed some parts)
My boyfriend and i have been together for 10 years. He turns 26 tomorrow and I’m 25.
Let me start off by saying this is not the best or a perfect relationship at all. Before i get started on how i find out he was cheating I’ll go in detail about us. I’ve been living with my boyfriend and his parents since i was 16. We have a daughter together and I’m currently pregnant. When my boyfriend and i argue I’m not going to lie but sometimes i do get verbally and physically abusive I’ve always been like that i do have anger issues but we work through them.How i found out he was cheating:
My boyfriend races every Saturday. And every Saturday i go to race with him and my daughter to watch him. We were getting ready to leave to go to his normal race like we do every Saturday and i had his phone and it *dings* i look down and it’s a woman on Facebook messenger and she sent him a message saying “i miss you already with a kiss attached “So i immediately get out raged. And ask him who was it. he tried to grab his phone and i snatched it locked myself in the room and open the message and tried to unlock his phone. Once i unlocked it i read through my boyfriend and this woman’s message and i saw that for two years my boyfriend has been messaging this woman. He’s been commenting on her pictures, calling her beautiful, asking her could he get to know her etc. from the messages she was ignoring him until this August. He messaged her and said “i want to get to know you honestly” and this time she actually replied back giving him her number. My boyfriend has been up this woman’s ass through his messages. From August up until yesterday the messages from him were like this: “why you flake on me ?You don’t want to be loved”
“Why aren’t you responding back?”
“You’re so beautiful”
“Drop all your other guys for me”
“I wanna kiss from you again”
From the texts they met up and had sex because he was telling her he wanted her againBefore i could read anymore i unlocked the door threw the phone at him and added this woman on Facebook. And i started asking him questions that he wasn’t willing to answer so i told him i was going to ask her. She added me back quickly. So I message her in Facebook and say “how long have you and James been seeing each other because he’s playing you bad” then i message her again saying “you’re not in trouble he is so what has he been telling you?”
So i could tell she was reading my messages and not responding so i get irritated and i start calling her and she declines the call so i inbox her back and say “you can have him i don’t want him your self esteem is very low and i was about to embarrass you but you’re already embarrassing just look at you. I’ll see you around and when i do it’s on!” As I’m messaging her that my boyfriend is in the back on the phone with her telling her “not to tell me anything because I’m mean and i like to fight and cause drama” then he told her to “please ignore me “So i have our daughter and I’m staying at a friends house because I’m too weak to fight him right now
TL:DR; boyfriend cheated went through phone and I’m pregnant with his son.
Newbie
I cant say anything positive. This sounds like a horrible, volatile relationship where you both play big parts in. You say you have anger and abuse issues. So? Work on them, fix it. No sane person wants to be around an angry lashing out person and what message you think your kids will pick up from this.
Both of you were probably too young when you became parents and it fizzled out from what you are saying. You are angry, he is cheating. I dont see ways to fix this really. Both of you dont know how to resolve issues. I mean tou find out he is cheating and you are adding her on fb to question her. That actually makes you the crazy person here. Have some dignity and impulse control. Youre still young. You can make a life for yourself and coparent. So make a plan. If you stay in this, you will problably have the same running in circles for years until one of you is finally done. I know this is easier said then done especially when you are pregnant. But really you are not obliged to stay with this man. I would start with making a financial plan, a stay healty plan. I really wish you all the best. It must be awefull but with some help from friends you can get a long wayKiss
How does that make me crazy. I was trying to get clarification because he’s playing her
Newbie
Its in insane way to adress the fact your man and father of your children is cheating on you. You dont take it to her and make it a bar fight. You go to him. Ask him what happened, why he did it, how he sees the future with you and your kids, i he wants to continue you need to trust him again, if you want to continu you need to work on your impuls control that is non existent. So you either make a plan like two adults (and i dont think both of you can on the spot) or call it quits
Newbie
Youre in constant fight mode. That is not healthy and exhausting. You even said: im staying with a friend because im too weak to fight now. You can see that right?
Im in no way exusing what he did but you are here to maybe find some answers. The solution always is in yourself. Do you put with a cheating partner? If not, what are your next steps. How can you get out of fight mode (thats like a stress factor always on: its seriously bad for your healt and state of mind).
Maybe because you were together from so early on, you never learned how to be an adult coupleKiss
He said he just wanted sex from her
Raven
Therapy for You, STAT!
Kiss
Therapy for me?
Newbie
But does that make it any better for you? He wants to sleep around while you play mother and housewife. Is that really what you want?
cupcake
Agree with Newbie. This reads like an episode of Jerry Springer. You are both toxic people in a very toxic relationship. I feel sorry for your child(ren).
Forget about that women. She doesn‘t matter. Your „partner“ cheated on you for two years! Is that seriously something you consider to accept? It shouldn‘t be and you should consider what next steps you want to take. Because fighting and shouting abuse won‘t resolve this issue.
As Newbie said, you need to get out of fight mode. Get your anger issues under control and develop some adult coping skills. You entered this relationship really young and it does seem like you two are stuck in a teenage relationship. I know people who met at 16 and have been together for over 20 years, but they grew together and certainly don‘t act this immature.
I think figuring and solving this is much more important for yourself and your children than trying to salvage a relationship that seems like a nightmare anyway
Franny
This is toxic—both of you are toxic to each other.
Yes, his cheating is absolutely wrong but your behavior is just as wrong. You seem to be looking for a positive response to your actions but your actions are immature and volatile. Ida partner is cheating, you confront them (CALMLY), you don’t stalk and then question the person they are cheating with.
You want to be perceived in a particular way and when you don’t get the response you want, you become combative. You are doing it with our responses, and you are more concerned with what he’s saying about you than getting out of this situation. Your first instinct should be to get out as soon as possible, for the sake of your child. Your child should be your first priority.
Please seek a therapist for your anger issues immediately…like, the moment you stop reading this. As Newbie said (and I love Newbie, always good advice), make a plan to start building a new life. Get out of this situation. Learn to handle things calmly and in a healthy way. And do not raise a child in such a toxic environment.
Newbie
Hi ksi, this is your first post. You never responded again after me and others said this is as much om you as on him. Its your choice. You can keep posting the same stuff or make active choices to improve life like you want it. No one else will do it for you
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