My boyfriend hooked up with someone on our break up.

You need to break for good…
You don’t trust him & never will.

I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’m currently going through a breakup and it is very hard. I’m also here to find some answers. We are in no contact right now, but he promised we will get back together. And I pray to God that is true.
Anyways, it is very normal for you to be sad and upset. But, think of it in a positive way. Maybe it was his way of trying to get over your breakup. I always talk with my cousin who is know in a healthy marriage with a beautiful child. They had a very rough path to that. There were moments when he talked to other girls and did stuff he shouldn’t, and she did them to. They were sometimes in no contact for months. It made them realize they don’t want other people and that they are enough for each other. True love is hard. If you know in your heart he is the one, forgive. Many people will tell you – you deserve better. But sometimes you just don’t want anyone better. They have your whole heart. I would suggest you to talk with him and ask him if he is sure he is mature enough to only be with you from now on! If he really is, maybe try making a step further in the relationship. If you’re both old enough, think about trying for a baby. After 9 years of relationship, you both need something to give hope to your relationship. I’m sure he loves you, don’t even question it, because he wouldn’t come back if it wasn’t like that. I know it’s tough to think about it, but we’re all just people. And people can do stupid sh*t. Try to forgive. You will feel better and he will see that and find you even more attractive. Give another chance. But if he does it again, then you should really move on.

Thank you so much too. It really gets hard sometimes, but we have to believe in people. I wasn’t the best in our relationship either. But this weekend I found out he was texting a girl I was already worried about. He was deleting the text messages. But most of them I saw and they even met up. But they didn’t do anything. Good thing is that the conversations were normal and friendly. He only once said that she looked pretty and that is all. I decided to forgive but he is so disappointed in himslelf. My ex said to me that he needs to clear his mind because he has a mess in his head and will get back in contact with me soon. He also said that there is a big chance we will get back together. I pray every day that is true, because I love him with all my heart.

Cecilia,

You are on the right-track:

As you say, you both are working towards growing-up while sorting-out these differences. It seems like there is still quite a bit of growing-up for both of you. So you have not really been bringing-out the best in each other so far. It also seems like you both could work on the communication part of your relationship.

I can understand how you would naturally be upset that your Boyfriend and that girl hooked-up so quickly after you broke-up. However, he did not really do anything wrong since you were broken-up. Although you had told him to stay away from that place, since you were then not in a committed relationship, he did not owe it to abide by your wishes.

It would be difficult to provide an answer to why he would try again the next day if he were so disgusted. However, as you work-through the communication part of your relationship, all will clear.

It is good to see that you have started to detach a bit from the situation and thus perceive your relationship logically.

Good luck!

I would like to add:

While Ivona means well, I do not agree that your next step should be to try to have a Baby. You are still very young and you both still need more clarity with your relationship and to evaluate what are the best steps to take.

A Baby should not be a source of Hope for your Relationship. On the contrary, a Baby should only be sought once you have achieved a healthy, honest, loving, and fulfilling Relationship (with whomever is good for you) and are both financially and emotionally responsible.

Good luck! :)

I actually feel it possible that your Boyfriend is being honest with you that he tried to hook-up, no matter how disgusting it was to him, in order to drastically move-on from your break-up.

In all honesty, it appears as if some of his actions were to spite you; to lash-out in his wounded state. For, he made certain to go to that place you forbade him from.

Since he so desperately wanted to move-on, it did not matter to him that the girl disgusted him.

Thank you so much padmini!!! I really appreciate your thoughtful and wise device. You are awesome. I will continue to work on growth and communication.

I saw this earlier in the conversation…

> If you’re both old enough, think about trying for a baby. After 9 years of relationship, you both need something to give hope to your relationship.

Do not use a baby to give hope for a relationship.

Do not use a baby to give hope for a relationship.

Do not use a baby to give hope for a relationship.

Do not use a baby to give hope for a relationship.

Hi, Cecilia,

Thanks for your interest. My Instagram account User-Name is biblioglamdrama. I am listed as Blaire-Lorelai, I. :)