my boyfriend is ignoring me after an argument…help?

Maybe this is his way of blowing u off? Kindve mean but would make sense. If he is then please do not give this loser another chance.

Hi Vanilla.

Can you tell us what the argument was about? Men actually can forgive and forget pretty easily, as long as you don’t keep bringing it up or over apologizing—that actually irks them more than the argument because you keep forcing them to re-live it. :-P

I would just let him cool off a bit. Although I didn’t get into an argument, I said something to the guy I was dating that pissed him off. I honestly thought I would never see him again, but BAM he called back a few days later as if it didn’t happen! Never apologized, because I meant what I said, so I wasn’t going to apologize for it, and we went right back to how it was right before that night.

Just give him some space and let him to be the one to reach out again. When he does, just act like nothing happened and see if you can move on from there, if not, then this relationship isn’t going to last long if you can’t learn how to forgive and forget.

Hey Vanilla,

I know exactly how you feel. In fact, feel free to look up a thread I started last week: “Insecurity After Arguments: How To Deal.” A lot of the ladies responded with some great insight.

I agree with Laine. Let him cool down. You’ve said your piece and it’s up to him to come around/follow through.

Also, more details would be helpful. How did the argument start? What was the basic premise? How many days has the “ignoring” been going on?

-Mae

So, I’ve been dating this guy for almost 3 years. He said he was divorced with 2 kids. In this time, he has never invited me to his home…seriously. He said it’s because his dad is at the home(sickly, so he doesn’t feel right about putting him on a plane to send him back to his country) and he didn’t want to hear his mouth anymore about the women he brings home. This explanation doesn’t feel right, but I let it go. Time passes, we are having a great time together as a couple. He works out of town, so I decided I would send a gift to his home as a surprise. I got a phone call from a woman saying not to send him any gifts because her and my boyfriend are married and have 2 kids so don’t send him anything to her house or talk to him anymore, Stunned, I said okay and hung up. I called him and told him I sent a gift to his home and his wife told me not to do that anymore because they were married with kids. He said she wasn’t his wife. I asked him why was she at the house since she supposedly lives in another state with the kids in the middle of a school year. He said he didn’t know and that it was something his dad cooked with her when he and his father went to visit the kids a while back. He says his dad wants him to back with her but it’s over for him. I asked why he didn’t tell me she was at his home and he said it was nothing to tell which made me very suspicious. At this point, I asked to see the divorce decree. Long story short, I haven’t seen the papers yet. The excuse is I’ll see them soon. Soon never comes. It finally dawns on me to do a background check and I let him know that i’m doing it. After a period of silence, he starts telling me some things that he’s has never told me before which raises more suspicion. I question him about the names connected to his residences and he tells me that it’s his brother’s family(this is all threw text) I tell him I gotta go and take care of something else and that I have a headache now. He calls me 5 minutes later all concerned as to why I might have a headache and then accuses me of doing this behind his back and wanted to know why I was doing it…I needed to see this divorce decree. It was like he was afraid I found something he didn’t want me to find. So, he gets mad and says he’d talk to me later…it’s been 7 days now. At the time, I got tired of looking at the computer screen but once I continued in my search, I found a marriage certificate with him and one of the people he said was his brother’s family he didn’t tell me this particular person was his wife when I said her name for him to identify who these people were listed at the residence, so, he lied! After finding the marriage certificate, I searched and searched and searched and could not find a judgement for divorce anywhere. Feeling stupid, after giving this man the benefit of the doubt for 3 years, I feel he’s been lying to me the whole time…2+2=4 now. I send him a text telling him I couldn’t find the divorce decree but that he knew that would be the case. I told him that he had lied to me, his reasoning for me not being able to come to his home, the early morning calls when we are together all night, him not being able to produce these divorce papers all made sense now and for him to stay the hell away from me. He texts me 2 days later and says, FYI, him not responding my text doesn’t mean that everything I accused him of is true. Did I get played or did I get played? Or could his situation be more complicated than what he has divulged to me? Either way, I feel like he’s still married even if it’s just a legal matter.

Me and my boyfriend fought because so girl on Facebook uploaded a picture of herself and tagged him. So when I confronted him he said they are not friends on Facebook and he doesn’t know her. But it’s possible aswell to tag someone you don’t have on Facebook in a picture. So he denied everything. He doesn’t talk to me, I tried to resolve the issue so that me and him can cut the tension but he doesn’t reply my whatsapp messages. He read then ignore. What do I do with such though. I’m depressed

TKO and Nnono,

You will need to repost your questions as a new topic if you’d like to receive more response. Copy the text you wrote here, go the the ANM homepage, click on Forum at the top, click on Dating and Sex advice (in the list of forums), scroll down to the bottom of THAT page and paste your text there.

It will post as a new topic so everyone can see it.

Vanilla,

The way he is action if not very mature. And not very respectful. He is 32. You said it’s been 4 months, this is about the time when a man’s true character begins to show. I am sure you’d sort things out this time, but going forward – pay attention. You said you cleared the air, everything was fine, then what he is doing is rather “devious”. If this is how he deals with minor conflict then how would he be later on, if there are serious issues?

I’d be very cautious in your shoes, you seem to focus on what him but you need to focus on YOU, what you need and whether this is good for YOU going forward.

I’m afraid this may be the end of our relationship. I’m not sure. I feel like I know him well enough to know that he doesn’t usually ignore unless it’s the end or he may just need a few days to think things through. Bc he is very introverted and so am I. We always give eachother the space that we need but in the last week we have been talking every single day. And maybe he’s scared to be in love again. I don’t know. I truly love him. I do. He’s always been such a huge part of who I am. We always have a great time when we are together. We constantly joke, laugh and have emotional and intellectual conversations, we play like children, we cook together, We always give eachother these little gifts, ect. It’s been great. I feel real shitty that we argued. But I have to let it go bc being so down won’t get me anywhere. Any input would be greatly appreciated.

I was being completely irrational. I know. I wish I didn’t say anything of that sort but I did so I suppose I’ll just have to suffer the consequences.

I had argued with my man because of my jealousy for the first time since I have been with him and we have a long distance relationship but I always manage to see him after week or 2 week… thing is after the fight he seems to be ok he texted me that he miss me but I do regret what I did to him so I sent him a msg to apologize how much I feel sorry about it and I admit things that I’m wrong then ”he said thank you saying this baby ” after that we texted each other but I feel like he seem losing his interest in me. I read a lot of topics to deal wit this thing but I don’t know what should I do to get my relationship on track. I lose my self confident I am worry he might have met another new girl better than me 😞

I haven’t read all the comments so someone may have already something along these lines but…

I have been with someone like this – my advice would be to understand his communication style, ask him. Do you like space in situations like this, how do you deal with things? Hopefully he will be honest and its up to you how you deal with it, whether its something you can accept or not. My partner would like space, whereas I would want to talk and sort it out straight away. You need to be firm with him and yourself if this is something I wish to tolerate or not.
Personally I couldn’t deal with it, it made me so anxious and upset because it just prolonged the situation for me.

The only thing to do is leave him alone and let him come to you. The worst that can happen is he never does. Well, then, he wasn’t a great boyfriend anyway and he was just wasting your time.

The worst thing you can do when you’re being deliberately ignored is to go through all kinds of gyrations trying to get the person to talk to you. That feeds their ego and it’s a reward for the behavior. Positive reinforcement. That teaches the other person this behavior will punish you and stroke their ego at the same time.

So, you need to not play the game. Put your phone away. Go do something else. And when he does message you, wait a while before responding. Let him sweat it out. Give him a taste of his own medicine and he won’t be so quick to do this again. We teach people how to treat us.