Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › My boyfriend is obsessed with brand labels?
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 5 months, 3 weeks ago by
AngieBaby.
-
AuthorPosts
-
Megan
I just wanted to post here because it bothers me for some reason, even though I know it shouldn’t but I can’t help but feel turned off by this aspect of my otherwise wonderful boyfriend. We are both college students, only 21 but as of this last year he’s developed an obsession with name brand items. And I don’t just mean nice clothes, I mean Burberry, Gucci, Versace, all of the very high end lines that cost several hundred dollars. At first, I didn’t pay much mind because it was only once in a while and he has a job, so he can do what he likes money. Or at least that’s what I try to tell myself.
But as of late, he refuses to wear anything that’s not name brand. And he keeps spending more and more on it. Like he just bought a brand new Burberry hoodie for 500 dollars, and then today I find out he bought another 400 plain white t-shirt and 600 on two pairs of sneakers? Like if he naturally was well off and was raised to wear these clothes then that would be a different story, but the fact that he refuses to wear anything else besides these items is what throws me off. And he tells people that too. I like that he cares about his appearance and dresses nice, but lately I feel a bit embraced when he’s wearing all Burberry and people make comments about it. The comments are never rude, but sometimes I just wonder who he’s trying to impress. Especially when me or whoever else is hanging with us is just in a regular shirt and pants. Instead of focusing on transferring to a college which he claims he really wants to do, he’s prioritizing his side job so that he could keep feeding this obsession. It’s really started to bother me to a point where I feel like I don’t see him as someone I’m romantically interested anymore. That isn’t the only reason but I wanted to know if this is normal of any of ya’ll ladies have been with a guy like this?
AngieBaby
I had a friend who married a man like this. At first she liked how sharp he looked all the time. Until she started finding the stashes of clothes… and the credit card bills. He had a big time shopping addiction. Yes, it can happen to men. He had a weird childhood and he made up for it by getting approval for looking good. He wouldn’t get help. She had no choice but to divorce him. She got stuck with some of those bills as the credit cards were in both their names, and it took her almost three years to dig out from the debt.
Your BF needs help. Encourage him to get it. But if he won’t, you are not obligated to stay with him and go down the financial hole that he’s shoveling along with him.
Ewa
does he use social media as well? is he getting validation from that? he is clearly trying to impress someone. Shopping addiction is one thing, buying designer clothes is another.
AngieBaby
I don’t think he’s trying to impress anyone in particular. I think it’s more likely he’s trying to make a statement about himself so people in general perceive him in a certain way that boosts his ego. He’s getting attention and validation he craves for some reason from the comments people make when he’s all decked out in Burberry for example. Reeks of very low self esteem. It sounds to me like this went from an occasional splurge on something nice to an obsession that is either a full-blown addiction or bordering on one. A 21 year old who isn’t wealthy spending this kind of money on clothing isn’t a person in a healthy state of mind. Especially if he’s prioritizing working a side job to earn money for his clothing habit over transferring to a better college.
Maddie
It makes sense that this bothers you. If you prioritize stability in life (getting the best education you have access to, not spending more than you can afford, not taking on big credit card debt) and he prioritizes more superficial pursuits (expensive high fashion), then this is lifestyle incompatibility. You’re currently young and in school and not living together, mixing your finances, or married yet, but money / spending habit differences and differences in levels of ambition are both big reasons for adults of all ages to break up. It’s also a problem if he keeps saying he wants to do something and that he will do something, but he never does it. As you get older and relationships grow more serious, inconsistency and lack of follow through in a partner are not easy traits to deal with when life gets stressful.
He may just be going through a phase where he’s trying to figure out who he is (normal in your 20s), or he may have more serious insecurity issues that he’ll need to deal with eventually but this is how they’re manifesting now. If you’re not comfortable with it, it’s not on you to get dragged down by his baggage when you’re still figuring yourself out also. Don’t feel bad about listening to your gut if this is turning you off and becoming a dealbreaker for you. Dating, especially when you’re younger, is supposed to help you figure out both what you want and what you DON’T want. I think it’s actually mature that you recognize this is a big problem for you, even if you couldn’t quite put your finger on why. It doesn’t mean he’s not otherwise a good guy! But being a good person doesn’t automatically mean there aren’t other dealbreakers that are incompatible for you, and that’s okay. You look for the good person who is also a great match, and he can be one but not the other, and that’s no one’s fault.
AngieBaby
PREACH Sister Maddie!
-
AuthorPosts
