My boyfriend is very busy and I am feeling off about our relationship

pls reevaluate your relation..

So things have taken a turn and I am distraught.

I started putting some pieces together. Around Christmas he was home with his family, he was sending me messages about how he loves me and saying maybe I can come home with him next year for Christmas. He was the loving man that I know. Around Thursday, after the holiday, the day he was coming back here, I noticed he started getting distant, and almost sad. I didn’t put two and two together, but he has been distant and off ever since he came back. He blamed working and such, but I think he is extremely depressed and homesick.

He was off all day yesterday. His first day off and he didn’t want to see me, the woman he supposedly loves. He said he was busy catching up on laundry, grocery shopping, and cleaning. I commend an organized guy, but over seeing the woman you love? That makes no sense.

I still felt like something just wasn’t right there.

I mean, before the holiday, we were going out together, he was so affectionate and he even took me to his work place so I could see where he worked. We then drove around, his idea to look at possible new apartments for me to live in, since I want to move closer to him in a few months.

To someone who seems distant and half there? Makes no sense. He didn’t even wish me a Happy New Year. I sent him a heartfelt message about how much I love him and am grateful for him in my life and can’t wait to see what 2019 holds. He didn’t reply. Acts like he never got it, and then never wishes me anything. My girlfriends don’t understand what guy doesn’t wish their girl a Happy New Year.

A depressed, lonely, homesick one.

We were talking last night on the phone. I had a great day and I was telling him all about it. Something gets mentioned about him moving back home to X place, and then he mentions how eventually he does want to go back there and live, and he knows I don’t want to go there.

I told him I never mentioned not wanting to go there, I only said it will be hard and sad for me to leave, because I love my family and am so close to them.

He used to tell me he wanted to bring me there to live if we were to get married and how I would love it and etc. etc.

I wear a fashion ring on my wedding ring finger. He has made comments about how I will have to take it off, for him to put something else in its place.

He has told me he loves me more than I love him.

So we get into the conversation and he is talking about how he hates it here and the people and the lifestyle and he doesn’t know anyone besides me. And sooner rather than later he will want to move back down to his home. He kept talking and it was just coming across like HE will definitely be going down there. HIM and HE. Only. Not WE or US. Not we will talk about it when the time comes.

I finally got all these racing thoughts about asked him “If you got the opportunity to leave tomorrow for there, would you go, and this would all end with us?”

He didn’t answer me. Silence.

He then tried to change the subject, but I wouldn’t let him.

I said “I’m right aren’t I?”

He didn’t answer.

I then said “Are you just with me while you are here?”

He then started saying “no” and how I am making up scenarios in my head that aren’t happening and getting all upset over it and I need to stop. He then said he wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon and wasn’t in that position or thinking about it at this time. But does want to go back there eventually and will do so in time.

He then seemed frazzled and annoyed and hastily told me he had to go and call his family about something and got off the phone with me.

I was left confused and sad. Crying.

A few hours later, I texted him telling him I was sorry about getting on his case about it and that I was just scared.

He texted me back saying “I would go”

I asked what he meant, he said “If I got the opportunity to go, I would”

I then asked “and you would breakup with me?”

He said “I don’t know”

5 minutes later he said “I guess”

I then said “So you would breakup with me instead of having me come with you?”

He said “I guess”

At that point, this man whom I loved, gave my heart to, trusted, and claimed he loved me, just broke my heart into pieces.

I tried texting him back telling him again how I never said I wouldn’t go down there and how I hate that we are talking like this and I want us to be on the same page and how I love him now and want to be with him, because the future is unwritten right now.

He never responded to me and I have not heard from him since.

I have been hysterically crying on and off all night and morning. I am so hurt inside. I am in pain.

I love him. Did he ever love me? I am not worth staying around for? Its crushing me.

I don’t know if I will ever hear from him again. My family hopes I don’t. They think I am better off, because he hurt me so badly. How could he tell me he loves me just a week ago, the night before this, and then tell me he would leave me in a heartbeat? He broke me. I thought I was worth more. I am worth more. I invested so much and gave my heart. I tried to make him happy and do everything to be a good girlfriend.

I don’t know if we are still together or not. I am heartbroken either way. I don’t know what to do, but to sit and cry.

This is exactly the ammo of a lovebomber me and some others warned you about. They swoop in fast and make you believe youre the girl of their dreams and at some pijnt you realize its just words you fell for too soon. Although i think you pushed him a bit too much with questions but at least you have an idea of how he is feeling. And thats a good thing for you becasue this guy sounds like a nightmare match for you. You like a guy to give you his time, you want to keep working so to me that says raise kids with a guy who does his part in the household and picks up a vacuumcleaner. You like go stay close to your family and he is dead set on moving fat away. So why do you love him so much? Remove your love goggles and be rational: he wont make you happy because he is already doing a lousy job at this. Take care, grief but dont go back of pleed with him. Stop communicating

very sorry to hear but not surprised. most posters on your thread saw this happening. it seems you dint really read what most were trying to telling you. he was in two minds which was obvious. but you still kept pushing for an answer. why? please read my earlier posts. told you to stop pushing and step back, breathe and think over things.

I know this will be very difficult for you and that your in a lot of pain. but I think the only chance that you have? Is to step back and go completely quiet. please do not message him again nor call. do not initiate any sort of dialogue with him. knowing how pushy you are, he is probably expecting you to get in touch, get into lengthy dialogues to try and change his mind. that’s what you have always done. and hes preparing himself for that. you can turn the tables and simply stay silent. Few days of silence will have him wondering whats happening. I can bet if you do that he will get in touch.

can you stay away and stay silent? and not initiate any dialogue? besides you tried ( too much in my opinion) and agreed to even go with him but he still said no. its not about him moving away but its also about him moving away without taking you along. he has told you he doesn’t want that.

please just step back and stay silent. let him get in touch and let him say what he wants to say whats really on his mind without interrupting him. don’t push and don’t try to put words in his mouth. it was all about you and what you were feeling. gather some dignity courage and stay away. do not beg nor plead. your a strong woman and you deserve someone who truly loves you the way you are and who genuinely wants you in his life. this guy doesn’t..

This is a break up please see it as such and nothing less.

Don’t offer to come with him if moves or try to fix things.

He has shown you time and time again this relationship is no priority to him and he finally found his way to tell you over the phone.

I suspect he has been wrestling with this for some time, which is why he has been full of excuses.

I know this hurts but, in time it won’t.

If he reaches out don’t cave and try to make things work. Be done and move on.

The upside is you can get a cat now.
I read your first post back and i think you should carsfully read the previous ones too because it does look like you just ramble onn without paying any attention what people are saying to you. Learning to listen (your parents wanted you early on he was bad news), Joe told you he was controlling, i told you act like a love sick puppy. All these things are true. If you had taken the time to assess these comments, you might have had the insight yourself he wasnt good for you. No one here wants you to get burned but please you have to change your dating style and be way more wary how to give your heart out.

I am seeing more clearly. Am I upset…yes. but I am reading and listening.

If I lose him, if he is gone, so be it. Its over. He isn’t for me.

I am going silent.

He texted me good morning this morning and I ignored it.

I am trying to figure out what I want. I will hear him out if he calls. Maybe he’ll surprise me. Depending on what he says, then I can make choices, state my peace, and do what is best for me.

I matter. I am worth it. I am so grateful to my family and friends and even posters on here for making me feel that again. What I want matters. He can take it or leave it.

I am sorry you are hurting, but it is for the best. He is not good for you, not compatible with you and was not all that into you.

A man who loves you wants to see you. This law is as certain as gravity.

He was thinking about it for while, trying to master up courage to tell you the truth. And he managed to half-ass tell you that. I guess.

I don’t think it was a mistake on your part to actually make him answer. You need to make things clear.

If he did not realize it is a breakup, you need to make it a breakup.

Do not be rude, but end tings decisively. It is for the best. You are only 26. Gpsh, you’d have many more men in your life and there would be ONE (o more) who would love you. Whose heart would be racing when they see oyu, who’d be calling you, wanting to see you even for 15 min whenever there is a chance. You would ve free to experience all this. If you cling to this dude, you won’t. You’d spend a few years of your BEST time feeling unloved, begging for his time.

It is good that things are now clear. Now make them work in your favour. Cut things off and move on as fast as you can. You will need quite a bit of time to recover. It would hurt a lot and possible for quite some time. So start asap.

Even right before the holiday, he took me to his work and gave me a huge tour so I could see what he does everyday. Then we went cruising checking out apartments for me. His idea, not mine. Because our plan was that when my lease is up, I’d move closer to him. He has been so excited about it. He even got some insight from his co-workers about where they live and nice areas for me to go. We went to lunch after.

It just doesn’t sound like a guy who is a jerk or just playing me.

I am weak and missing him and ready to give in and call him. I still want to be with him.

Honestly? Just call and get you answer or closure. I don’t get how you can be so serious with a man who only communicates by text and ignores your messages. If you want a depressed man have at it.

If your phone dies that doesn’t mean messages don’t come thru. This man has been trying to end this for awhile now and you aren’t getting it. It’s over and I don’t 5ink he was ever serious. He doesn’t live where you do and wants to go back. Please see this for what is was. A relationship while he lived near you. He didn’t break it off because you asked. He has never been all in.

Texting doesn’t make a relationship. Until people realize this they will continue to have failed relationships. In this case they had been together long enough for real conversation. As I said, he was never all in. A text or missed text won’t make a man not want you.