My boyfriend isn’t romantic anymore – how do I make him take the lead?

We’d spend a lot of time talking about anything. He’d ask me a lot more questions and would actually listen. These days he’s always on his computer when we talk working or playing games in the background.

He’d randomly show up with little gifts for me (I did the same and still do the same). He was interested in making plans to do a lot more during the weekends and things like birthdays and anniversaries. He’d randomly make plans to meet up and would pick me up after work. Recently I’ve had to travel to places close to him, he stopped travelling close to me cause it was too long of a journey for him even though it takes me a while to get to him too.

Before the lockdown began we were just spending every weekend at his place or watching movies. He’d play games or spend time on his computer even while I was at his place. Valentine’s Day this year really had a huge impact on me. I made all the plans and got him a present. In the end he showed with nothing and said he forgot because he didn’t have enough time. He payed for the dinner in the end. Regardless, since then everything I do feels draining like I’m just giving without getting anything back.

I tried talking to him this evening about this and he was playing games while we were texting about this too. It’s not that I mind him playing, I just want to be listened to sometimes.

I kind of got upset and told him I don’t want to speak to him dramatically.

Usually when he apologises and says he’ll do better I melt pretty quickly but I think I’ll hold back on talking to him properly for a few days?

Is this really the worst? He doesnt plan for what i think are aweful days too, birthdays, some kind of anniversaries. Thats what you want to lose a good potential partner over? I would look as the relationship as a whole In this case

This sounds a lot worse than him not planning for special days, he seems generally disinterested in you and the relationship and his behaviour is rude and dismissive. It’s the equivalent of someone looking over your shoulder when talking to you in case there’s someone more interesting behind you.

My boyfriend not bothering to stop his game and listed when we are talking would drive me nuts and be a showstopper. Only you can decide if it is for you. I doubt he’ll change. He may for a brief time, but I suspect he would revert. It may not be a reflection on you or your relationship but just who he is.