My boyfriend lied to me and I don't know what to do

I have written about my boyfriend before. Quick disclaimer: I suffer from anxiety and I tend to self-sabotage many relationships for reasons I haven’t yet understood. I am 26 years old and this is my first real relationship -one that has lasted more than 6 months anyway- so the challenges I face everyday might look simple for others but for me are real. So back to my story.

I was a virgin till recently. Since I have anxiety, I asked from my boyfriend to get tested for STI. He told me he went but the results were pretty late. 20 days later he had the results and told me he was clear. As we couldn’t meet in person, I had to trust him that he told me the truth. However, sex was out of the table without me seeing them. Lots of obstacles made us meet in private 2 months after he got the results. Before that, I was very mad and almost accused him of lying because I couldn’t believe that this story had lasted so long. He sent me the receipt -he didn’t want to send the results through social media- and I noticed that the name of the laboratory was different from the one he had originally told me. When I called him out of his lie he said that he couldn’t remember this name, so that’s why he gave a different one but that he wasn’t lying about actually getting tested. I grew suspicious so I demanded to see the actual results. With a bit of pressure he sent the photos and I noticed that the date they were printed was the same he had told me two months ago and that he was indeed clear. My concerns left and when we finally met I saw them in person and we finally had sex. Being lied though about the laboratory and being anxious and slightly paranoid – I admit that- I am still not convinced that these results weren’t photoshopped. I don’t believe they were, but I have a lurking feeling inside me due to the reasons above.

That was the first story. Now let’s go to the second. One day we wanted to order food. He opened an application and ordered some so when he wanted to put his address he noticed an older address already inserted that he didn’t recognise. He kept wondering why this area was there and when he had ordered from that place. Fast forward a few days after, he talked to me about his ex -mentioning the reason they broke up- and he accidentally revealed the area she lived. And guess what! It was the mystery area! When I sarcastically told him that at least now we know who lives there, he lost his color and began apologizing profoundly. He told me that when he initially saw the address he panicked and didn’t want to tell me anything because I might have gotten upset that he still had the address. I told him that I would have understood and that now things are worse because I don’t know how to trust him any longer. He said he was sorry, that it was a mistake and that no one is perfect. He repeated how much he loves me and that his ex means nothing to him. He promised not to lie ever again.

So here we are now. I decided to forgive him and move forward. I really want to enjoy this relationship because it has many good things. He seems like a good person. However, there are days I simply want to break up with him. I think about the test results and fear they are fake. Or I think about how naturally he lied to me about that address and I wonder whether he had lied to me before or if he will lie again in the future. I don’t know how to process all these feelings. When I told him about my concerns about the test he frantically said that he wouldn’t dare destroy our relationship for this reason. My mind runs though…How can I deal with all these thoughts? I need to finally start enjoying what I have instead of being suspicious all the time.