My boyfriend said, "He Doesn't Give Oral Sex"

Marina, we vaguely discussed oral sex and he joked about loving to do it and I guess he lied about it. I confronted him about that and he never really responded to it. Maybe he was just talking to sound good I don’t know. Him and I are in our late 20’s, its not like we’re kids newly exploring sex so I’m just confused and turned off.

Yes I think spending 5 months with someone without having sex and seeing if you’re sexual compatible is a mistake. You may now be emotionally attached to someone that can never make you happy.

Saying that, you don’t need oral to orgasm without penetration. He can stimulate you in exactly the same way using his fingers (no I don’t mean fingering, that’s usually penetration). Or failing that, using toys. There’s no reason only a tongue can make you orgasm.

I don’t think it’s fair to say he’s selfish. What if he really liked anal and the thought disgusted you or it was painful? Would it be selfish of you to say no? Of course not. We all have our sexual preferences and no one should be judged or blamed for having them.

Also you can do if you want this relationship to work is to find a compromise and/or try to work around this.

I’m not sure how old you are, but if you’re both adults, I agree with the others that waiting 5 months is too long. I also think you’re thinking about all this too much. you won’t really know if you’re sexually compatible until you actually have sex! You can talk about it as much as you want and think that just because he won’t do oral you won’t get off but really you won’t know until you give it a go. LOL

Although there are certain things most of us can point to and say, “I can always orgasm by X”, I find that different partners have different techniques and something that may not have worked with one guy will work perfectly with another. I think it’s strange you’re already talking about how he’s not going to be able to satisfy you when you haven’t even been intimate with him. With that mindset I can’t imagine the sex will be good at all no matter what he did!

We see eachother EVERY weekend from Thursday-Sunday. We met in middle school so over 17 years ago. We never dated back then because we always had significant others all into high school but we still kept in touch as friends. I moved 2 hours away for work.

I would definitely explore this more in depth before you do ‘the deed’. Ask him if he’s pulling your chain based on what he said earlier that made you believe he performed oral. Wait for him to ANSWER and if he’s not going to engage in it then be HONEST with him that you cannot orgasm through penetration alone, that you require oral stimulation which is not only a form of foreplay that gets you ready, but to feel pleasure the way he does when he receives oral.

If the two of you can’t find a solution, such as the possible use of toys, then I would walk.

I agree with Lane. Talk to him again and see how it goes. He said that he doesn’t do it, but he may someday, right? Maybe he just needs to feel more comfortable with you. On a different note, I find your preferences very narrow. Sounds like it’s only oral that you like – no fingers, no penetration. I would think about opening your mind to different experiences, there is so much more to sex than oral, you’re missing out on a lot.

I have never encountered this, so can’t say for sure how I would react. My BF doesn’t do this as often as other men have (maybe once every 3 times we have sex). I don’t know if that’s because he’s not crazy about the act itself (he seems really into it when we does it though!), but I would never pester him to do it more — he can tell by my response I really like it as he’s really good at it!! Initially, I sort though, hmmm maybe I should say something to get him to do it more often, but at the end of the day I’d never want someone to do something sexually out of “obligation”, takes ALLLL the fun out it for me– i have been on the receiving end of someone wanting me to do a particular activity I didn’t hate but was somewhat lukewarm about and it got annoying to be pestered about it– so it’s become more of a special treat than an expectation in the context of our relationship. one ex wanted to do it all the time but I hated the way he did it… so… I dunno. Every situation/relationship is different..

Maybe it doesn’t bother me because I can orgasm other ways though– at least with him–

I really think this is not something you should pressure him into. Lets say he really wanted you to do something you were’t into– would you want to be pressured.? You could ask him WHY– is it maybe because he is OCD about hygiene? If that’s the case you could say, we’ll lets only try it when we are fresh out of the shower or something. (originally I thought maybe that was my BF’s reason for not doing it super often, but I’ve noticed NO correspondence between that– last time he did it was at the end of the day after a long hike, so, LOL, I guess he just has to be in the right kinda mood)

If you’ll really miss it, then you should probably move on to someone you are more sexually compatible with.

I disagree that waiting 5 months to have sex is “too long”, I’m waiting until marriage, as have many people I know. There are a plethora of reasons to wait to have sex, assuming you can discuss sex openly with your SO.

If he’s a great person in other respects, I don’t think this would or should be a dealbreaker. It is selfish of him to expect to receive without giving, but it’s also selfish for you to be adamant that you can only orgasm this one specific way. Do you ask this question on first dates?

What if there was something he liked you didn’t want to do?

Maria,waiting for sex is a sweet and noble notion. However as this post shows,it is a crap shoot sometimes.I read a story about a couple that waited until their wedding night for sex. It turned out he had a huge penis and she had a very small vagina and they just physically could not fit together and have sex. Big issue-lead to divorce. I would not marry anyone,I had not had sex with-too many variables/issues that can cause problems.

Maybe he just needs to experiment with you ….If you really like someone I would think that everything in the bedroom is experimental. Maybe he didn’t like it with someone else but maybe different with you. You need to communicate with him. I don’t think this is a deal breaker.
My bf does it too much actually and won’t even expect anything in return but I do it because I want to and know he enjoys it. We have discussed other things too…that we want to do. So it really is a matter of trying it. If he is really against it then that’s a personal preference you can’t judge him. Either accept it or leave.

If he does not then he does not. Just as if you do not you do not.

Whatever works in sex is on or off the table.

I do not like that he mislead you. That was not cool. I would evaluate that.

Five months is not too long….but you were mislead which makes it seem that way.

@peggy

Detecting a bit of condescension in the “sweet and noble notion”? Plenty of people wait to have sex with only one person. I’ve sifted through lots of guys who felt the need to whore around in college. How many times on these forums do you read about people who had sex with the guy a month or two in and now he’s being distant? And they wonder why…

I’ve heard stories like that as well, the “it happened to me” sort of thing. That’s why you hear about them, because they’re outside the norm.