Home › Forums › Break Up Advice › My boyfriend suddenly broke up with me. I’m feeling heartbroken
- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 7 years, 10 months ago by
redcurleysue.
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bee345
I was with my boyfriend for about 5 months. He just broke up with me tonight. He’s 24 and I was his first serious relationship. The situation happened out of nowhere. I was away for a month on holidays and we had a few hiccups being long distance. We had a few talks while during the distance about our communication as we were 12000km away from each other and he would sometimes take a day to respond or would have a difficult time making time to talk to me. I came back a week ago from today and we are now not long distance. Things were great when we saw each other but I got food poisoning and then he got food poisoning. We had fun when we were together, I took care of him when he was sick and all seemed good between us. He was pretty stressed out with work the past couple of weeks so I was being patient with him. We were supposed to see each other tomorrow and go to a pub crawl with a group of friends. However, he wrote a comment about watching a sports match in the evening which would last a few hours. This was a bummer for me as we haven’t spent much quality time together so I mentioned to him that I was disappointed. He suggested Friday night after seeing his family, which would be around 830-9pm. We had also arranged for a romantic date on Saturday which he partially canceled so he could get a new mattress.
I was feeling bummed as it was my first week back and we had seen each other twice, both when we were sick, and he didn’t seem enthused to see me. I decided we should have a talk and I let him know I was feeling a bit concerned that he wasn’t as interested in me.
He said he was planning to have a discussion with me about that during the weekend as he felt unhappy with me and he enjoyed having his own space and being single. I asked him when his feelings for me changed and he gave off silly reasons. He took a joke I mentioned the wrong way and didn’t realize I was joking. He also forgot to call me NYE and we did have a discussion about it but he felt like he was unable to make me happy. I told him that we can talk about it and work things out together, but he said no, he wasn;t happy.
I told him that I loved him for the first time that night too and that he did make me happy and I wanted things to work, but I’m not going to force him to want things to work with me. And that was it. He left and said goodbye. I’m in shock! To my knowledge things were going good between us. Yes, we had a couple of issues long distance, but the distance was temporary and we were just enjoying our time together. But he felt like he didn’t have feelings for me. Any support or advice is needed. I’m feeling heartbroken and confused. I know I need to move on, but I feel like he ended a relationship prematurely. We could have worked on it and figured it out.
Nat
Of course you could have. If both of you wanted it.
This is his first serious relationship? That’s why he acted the way he did. He expects something ideal and unrealistic but himself not being a very nice BF. Forgot to call you on a NYE? He can’t make you happy? Well was he trying? Not communicating cancelling romantic dates, etc, this is doing the opposite. He needs to own his behaviour, he will learn things the hard way. People always do. But for you, unfortunately, it means you need to leave him alone. You can tell him what you think if you two talk, but do not initiate contact and do not chase or try to convince him. He gave up very easily, his feelings for you were not strong at all and he is a very demanding and quite uncaring guy.
Next time think twice about getting involved with a guy who has no experience in relationships. Guard your heart and be smart about things.
vanessa
Nat, how many 24 year olds have much relationship experience? And the reason he didn’t call NYE and cancelled dates in January was because he had already checked out. He didn’t want to try. She didn’t say he did that before the holiday. What is there to learn the hard way? He’s gaining experience on relationships. He ended a relationship in which he wasn’t happy and didn’t have the right feelings. That does not make him “a very demanding and quite uncaring guy.” They were wrong for each other and now free to find the right person. Five months is a good time for him to have realized that.
I think in the time apart, he realized he didn’t miss her and enjoyed his space. He’s young and choosing to be single and not have to check in with anyone. That’s his prerogative.
bee345
Nat and Vanessa, I agree with you both.
Vanessa he did try before the holiday and during the holiday too. He made time to talk to me and did apologize profusely for not calling me on NYE. Before the missed call, he was really enthusiastic about seeing me. This was about 3 weeks into the distance. He would call me and tell me he missed me, what he missed about me, how he was looking forward to all these fun events, how he wanted to take me to all sorts of different places and so on.
But as Nat mentioned, our first argument was over the missed NYE call. After that, he checked out. That was our first actual conflict. So I do agree with Nat that his expectations were ideal and unrealistic. He also gave up easily.
I do not think he was uncaring but I do agree that his expectations were high. Last time I saw him, he was complaining about how my libido was too high for instance. We have sex multiple times a day and we both keep up with each other, but obviously there is a day here or there where I may want it more but it happens rarely, like once in the span of our relationship. Last time I saw him, he said he would prefer to have a woman who had an equal libido to his which I told him is not possible, what’s possible is finding someone you are sexually compatible with which we are.
So yes as horrible as it feels to admit this, you are all probably right. His feelings weren’t that strong. I honestly felt like he could have been the right one for me but feelings have to be mutual. I’m just not sure how to move on… and don’t worry, I will not be contacting him. I don’t even know what to say.
Ella
This is part of life and better to find out now rather than in another year or so, you can’t force feelings and in time you will meet someone better for you , that is a guarantee ! Don’t contact him as it will only prolong your upset, look after yourself , much love xxx
Sabrina AlexisKeymasterSo sorry that happened to you. I recommend this article- https://www.anewmode.com/dating-relationships/6-ways-to-get-over-a-break-up/
Hope it helps!
-Sabrina AlexisCrisula
It’s just over…break ups suck
He thinks you’re a nice girl and he didn’t want to be open about leaving you.
He felt guilty telling you straight up that he wants out
He’s been purposely avoiding you with silly, childish excuses, hoping you would get the hint.
He cancelled a romantic dinner, that he knew was special to you, to buy a mattress.
He finally gave up and just ripped off the band-aid and left.
redcurleysue
You said this is his first relationship…well we can all tell that.
It would have been better to tell you straight up and not play it out the way he did…but he is learning.
Expectations of a relationship is many times the devil. We do not take people how they are but how we want them to be…and that causes conflict with trying to change someone.
It is best that he is gone since it would come up again in the future and now is better than later. I am sorry this happened to you but it is also a part of life. Consider it a learning experience, a painful one, but a learning experience nonetheless.
You are young, you will meet more men and have more relationships in the future…hopefully with someone who has more experience. Look forward to the future, it is full of surprises.
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