My close guy friend's girlfriend hates me, advice needed.

I agree with Jeh. It’s time for you to back off. Maybe his girlfriend is insecure but we don’t know how often you guys are talkin. I’m friends with some of my exes, but we mainly get together for coffee or a drink between relationships. If we are in relationships, it’s just a catch up text here and there. Why do you need to be so close to your ex? There’s always going to be some sexual tension there – I think it might bother me too if my boyfriend was tight with his ex.

If you truly want your ex to be happy back off.

You know your relationship with him is causing problems in his love life…and it does not matter if it is innocent. She is supposed to be his priority…you know this.

You and he are over…make it so.

Send them a Christmas card once a year.

Back off.

Let me start by saying that I do appreciate all the advice I am getting but I do feel like most of you are thinking from the girlfriend’s perspective.

Yes, I do not wish to harm his relationship and for that sake, I will back off.
But yeah, I feel like you ladies are thinking of it from the girlfriend’s perspective, I am expected to throw away a very valued friendship because of an insecure girlfriend, easy to say but not easy to do. Because unfortunately we do live in a world where relationships are prioritized over friendships, but well, if that’ll cause him less issues, so be it.

@Pandora, no I don’t have any agenda, we are just friends.

@Lane, I like what you’ve said.

Thanks for the clarity on the matter.

Personally I would back off. You need to see it from your friends perspective, he loves this girl (clearly otherwise he wouldn’t be pulling back from the friendship) so he is pulling back from you in order to keep the most important relationship in his life… I appreciate what you say about friendship but at the end of the day its not like he’s thinking of starting a life (marriage & kids) with you as he is with her. So yeah the romantic relationship will take president, it would be weird if it was anything otherwise.

You say that she isn’t jealous of other girls so she isn’t insecure. Maybe she’s picked up something from you or from him that doesn’t sit well with her. Coming on to a dating site and talking about your ex (contrary to what you may say) smacks at someone who is clearly still into the guy. He is happy and you need to move on.

a platform to express yourself? this is a forum for LOVE ADVICE.

stop being one of those girls and back off. this may be an insecurity thing, or it may be a case of you being the annoying ex who won’t stop clinging onto a friendship (with the hopes of keeping one foot in the door with your ex).

get some new friends and stop latching onto a man you slept with and had an emotional connection with. he’s with someone else, not you, and if i were his girlfriend i’d probably feel the same.

i’m sorry the truth hurts you so much, star. i’m sorry that you view honest feedback as “bashing”.

no, it’s called a wake up call. you’re not a priority to him anymore and you need to respect him and his new girlfriend and back off.

I think it is interesting that you would put your friendship on the same plane as a significant other.

Do you believe that if this guy had a male friend and his GF did not like how much time they were spending together that the male friend should hold his ground and say…”hey, that is her problem.”

Look, we all need friends, and none of us are daft enough not to realize that opposite sex friends can be dicey. We inherently understand that not played right it could get ugly fast.

Anyone who cares about their friend does not put them in a tug of war situation…that hurts the friend.

I was in this exact situation as the girlfriend. When I started dating my husband he was very close friends with an ex girlfriend he had dated many years before. They worked out together every day, would hang out at each other’s places having drinks, would go to the movies together on the weekend, grab dinner, etc. He explained to me from the beginning that the two of them had agreed their friendship was important. He said we’ve agree if I ever date a girl who has a problem with our friendship then she’s going to have a problem dating me. And he went on about he’s dated women who were jealous and insecure and he’s not going to go through that again. So from the very beginning it was a weird situation for me. I tried to be cool with it and understanding. And everyone who saw them together or knew them said they were just friends and I had nothing to worry about.

But as time went on it started wearing on me. They saw each other almost every day and talked and texted every day. I had my kids every other week so I didn’t date on the weeks I had them for the first 6 months we dated so she saw him more than I did. Whenever she needed help with something or needed anything she called my boyfriend. If she was having car trouble, if something at her place broke, if she needed anything he was her first call. There were times when I felt like her needs came before mine. Finally one afternoon while he was at my place she kept texting and I told him just to call her. Of course she wanted his help with something again and he ended up talking to her for 15-20 minutes while I just sat there. So I finally got up and walked off and when I came back I hear him telling her she can have something of mine I had gotten for a project. I was livid! He told me he would get me some more but she needed them right now and I had it for weeks and hadn’t even started on it yet. Well that was the straw for me and we got into a huge fight. He said I had an “attitude” when it came to her and if it were any other of his friends I wouldn’t have been acting that way.

At this point we had been dating 9 months and talking about a future together and marriage and him spending time with my kids and I decided I was either going to stand up for myself or have to live the rest of my life like this and that wasn’t happening!! I told him I was tired of him accusing me of being jealous or insecure when it came to her, that he wasn’t going to find another woman to date who would be as understanding as I was about their friendship and how they saw and talked to each other every day and I was tired of feeling like I wasn’t his priority. I was very distant and short with him the next couple days.

He called and told me he wanted to talk. He came over and told me that I was his future. And he didn’t want to lose me and that their friendship wasn’t as important to him as I was and if I said for him to stop talking to her altogether he would. That I was his best friend now and he wouldn’t risk losing me over this. I told him I wasn’t telling him not to talk to her but I wasn’t going to continue with the way things were. He made the choice to ignore her calls and texts and gradually distance himself from her. First it was every couple of weeks they would talk, then every couple of months. Now I don’t think he’s talked to her since Christmas.

I didn’t hate her or anything like that. I never said a bad word about her. But she certainly never made an attempt to be friends with me. And she would barely acknowledge my presence on the couple of occasions we ran into her when we were together. I was mainly irritated by the fact she leaned on him for everything and expected that I would be like all the other girls he dated. He would date me a few months then break up and they would go back to being close friends and spending all their time together. When they didn’t happen I felt like she resented me and was intentionally wanting his attention to get under my skin. He did ask if she could come to the wedding and I said no. But we actually did have another of his exes at our wedding because they worked together for almost 20 years!!

Oh and I almost forgot how I got the point across to him the easiest way about how understanding I was about their friendship. I told him I was having an ex boyfriend who was an electrician over to the house to help me with a project. He didn’t want him coming over there and us being alone together at my house and didn’t understand why I couldn’t get someone else. I said because someone else would charge me and he’s a friend and he’ll help me out for free. I mean when she calls you wanting help with something you go over and help her and are alone at her house. Why is this any different when it’s me? Game…set…match!! :)

Have you ever met her in person? Has he offered or attempted to introduce her to you?

I would be curious as to how long they have been dating? The girl my friend was dating started trying to control him within 2-3 weeks. They broke up 4 times within the last 3 months and he expects me to resume our friendship.

If it’s a relationship with no real future, I wouldn’t even bother trying to be friends with the girl. However, if it’s a solid relationship and he actually seems to like the girl, then try to befriend her.

I mean, there are so many details that I just haven’t added because I wanted to keep it to the point.

@Pandora, her and I have met actually, we knew each other before they got together. In fact, she knew of our romantic history, I confided in her about something, which she blurted out to people and soon after that I stopped being her friend. I had no anger towards her, I simply let her go as a person in my life because I wasn’t able to trust her any longer. Soon after that, they got together. I even wished him all the very best in his relationship as I knew she could make him happy.
But, after that I heard what she had been saying about me, I even tried to reach out to her and just talk about the possible issue, but she was hostile towards me and it put me off.
It’s really hard to be nice and wish good things for people who do not even attempt to fix a problem when you try to.

I really have no agendas when it comes to this guy at all, I enjoy his company and he enjoys mine. He has told me that he never wanted to lose me.

@Yeahyeahyeah, they have been together for about 8 weeks now, but she’s had an issue with me since like 3 weeks into the relationship too. I mean, I understand that she just fears that something may happen with us but it won’t and both of us have tried to reassure her of that, but I guess she’d just feel a lot better if I was eliminated all together.

He has decided to stay out of it and have us sort it out amongst us, which isn’t going too well.

She has made several remarks to several ladies in his life, but according to him, her issues with me go far beyond. When I tried to speak to her and ease the situation, she said she had no issues with me, but later that night proceeded to argue with him over me in his life.

Also, thanks to everyone for their input, some of these comments were truly worth reading.