Home › Forums › Decoding His Signals / How Does He Feel About Me? › My ex went back with his ex?
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ANM Staff.
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Melissa O’brien
9 months ago I broke up with my ex. I knew he had history with a girl when we were together. They were on a situation of pulling back, breaking up, getting back. The girl cheated on him. The rest is history. Almost four years laters we met, we dated for 6 months and then we started a relationship. It was, at least for me, a great relationship. He said he loved me, I loved him. But at the end things turned kind of weird. I found out he was still in touch with this old girl, but I thought everything was ok. I trusted and never questioned him. At the end we broke up, I felt like he changed with me from one day to another. I said I didn’t want that, he said he needed more time, it was not because of third one and all that crap. But I found out he went back with this toxic ex-girlfriend some weeks ago. I know every person has the right to do with her life whatever she wants. That everything’s over. But, I feel like: why someone would like to get back with such an old and toxic person? My brain just broke. I can’t understand…
T from NY
In dating it is always good to remember that not every man you come to care for feels as good about himself as you feel about him. Or even as good as you feel about your self. I’ve met many men who do not want a true and loyal partner. They are drawn to women who are emotionally unavailable, even toxic. Let me explain to you why this is.
If a man doesn’t feel good about himself, is not introspective or does not value good character, kindness, transparency and growth — he will only be drawn to a high quality woman for a short while. At first, all her amazing qualities will impress him. But over time he begins to feel uncomfortable at the demands of being a partner to a healthy individual. Over time it is inevitable that a high quality woman will want intimacy and true closeness.
Many men pick women who treat them crap because they feel that every little “win” with the woman validates they are worthy (because he gets his feeling of self worth from external sources) They get into a relationship cycle of having to woo and win the woman over and over again because she emotionally rejects him on a regular basis. This cycle keeps the relationship in a perpetual honeymoon phase and prevents the man from ever having to develop true intimacy with his partner because HE himself is not comfortable with true intimacy and bonding.
Be happy he went back to her. If it baffles you — it means you were much to healthy and self respecting than him. Look forward to a man worthy of you.
Tia
I was dating a guy for 5 moths, and the relationship was very intense. He is dismissive avoidant and he started to pull away during quarantine, when I spoke to him about putting in effort he was assuring but still pulling away, so i got annoyed with his actions and ended it also saying really mean things to him.
I unfollowed him and he continued to watch my stories for a month then unfollowed me, then saw he joined a dating app.
3 months later i tried to follow him back, as i was no longer angry with him, and he ignored and have now discovered on his birthday he’s now back in contact with his ex he was with for 4 years (they broke up a year ago, and said he ended it because he wasn’t himself in the relationship). Is there hope? -
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