Home › Forums › Decoding His Signals / How Does He Feel About Me? › My Friends with Benefits (FWB) is acting strange
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 7 years, 9 months ago by
Jan Rosen.
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Lisa
I was dating this guy for a few months. Things never got serious, he was always busy and it came across to me that he didn’t want anything serious… So I suggested we become FWB. I figured: this must be any guys dream! Well apparently not.
After I suggested this, we’ve slept together once (we’ve slept together several times before I suggested we become FWB). The texts became less, which I was expecting (i mean, he doesn’t need to try anymore really)… However, now I hardly hear from him. I thought he met someone else, but that doesn’t seem to be the case (I’m basing this on his online activity: snapchat stories, Facebook updates… Stalker-like and lame, believe me, I know).
I didn’t think this would get to me so much, but I can’t help but feel totally rejected over here! You would think a guy who had the possibility of having sex would, well, go and get it. I feel like I can’t say anything because then I’ll sound clingy. Any advice girls (or guys!) is much appreciated! Thank you!
Khadija
If he is now an FWB why take this time to analyze his behavior?
Given your account things didn’t work out so you threw in the FWB as a last ditch effort to keep this man around.He probably senses that and this could be the reason for his silence. Just because you throw sex at a man does not mean he will take it.
In your case it’s probably a good thing he isn’t calling you for it because you still seem attached and expecting more out of this.My suggestion would be to follow his lead and take some space from all this to regain your balance. Stop stalking his social media matter fact delete it all and go do your own thing. I’m sure you have a wonderful life and can fulfillment in other places.
WaitWhat
My advice is that if you’re truly going to do the FWB thing, the man you choose should not be the type of man you’d date. That helps eliminate the possibility of that dreaded emotional attachment you seem to have here.
I don’t expect (or get) texts from my FWB unless it’s to make a plan or to thank each other for the night before.
Girl I hear you
So this is also happening with me. Me and this guy obviously cant see ourselves together, we have a good laugh a good talk there and there but were different people. The sex is amazing, always so spontaneous! We obviously turn each other on .. recently I had posted a message on snap and he became paranoid and assumed I was in directing at him .. when I told him I wasn’t he assumed that I had another guy there and was in directing him. I was so confused because first of all I dont and second of all even if I did were nothing and he clearly put that message out from the start. Since then he’s been acting all kinds of strange ignoring messages, the little flirting that used to keep it exciting is gone. He’s so blunt and now it’s like why you acting like a bitch? I presume he thinks there’s another guy .. but why is he acting so childish. Cant he just communicate -.-
Nat
I don’t mean to be rude, but it amazes me how insensitive people can be. Do you REALLY think a guy would be 100% ok with you sleeping with him and another guy, just because you are not official or call it FWB? Why do so many people believe such nonsense?
With some weird and rare-circumstances exceptions,. NO ONE will be ok with that if they are aware of this, no one knowingly will be part of this. FWB, if they last, are in 99.9% of cases are exclusive. Otherwise, it is just 1-3 shags, max, and things end there.
And the same applies to communication. Humans cannot sustain any kind of a relationship without communication by definition. That’s why normal FWB communicate like any other couple. The main difference is that people don’t see any future together, or they are both married, or one of them married, or some other circumstances. It is bizarre that people believe we can manage sexual liaisons like dogs or horses.
Another thing, as a pre-emptive strike you suggest something oyu don’t want. FWB. And then you feel rejected. He was probably put off by this suggestion, which is a normal human reaction. FWB is when the other person does not see you as a long-term potential. You are good enough to have sex with and some hanging out but not good enough for a relationship with a future. Your insecurities got a hold of you and now you are dealing with the consequences.
What kind of communication do you expect from him after you’ve clearly told him he is not good enough for you in the long term? I am not saying he was interested in a relationship, this is the other side of the story, but what’s important here is that YOU told him that.
Women should learn from men. If a guy tells you that he does not see a future with you, decrease your communication and look for someone else, and when you find that someone else, tell the other guy you are no longer available.
Jan Rosen
Those are two types of people that have been in casual relationships. I am another type.
I was having coffee at Pete’s when John approached me. He was tall 44 and handsome. We spoke for a little while then he asked me if I would have dinner with him at Chateau Marmont the following Friday. I agreed. wWen we met for our date he very polite and being an accountant he had some good ideas for my business. He had confidence, complimented me, and asked all about myself. Plus the same questions they all ask.. Why are you single? Would you ever want to get married? (I was on the rocks with my ex and dating another guy at the time.) Even though he wanted a more serious thing, I liked him and let him pursue me.
The next month was fun and we had lots of good sex. He bought me Jewelry and wined and dined me.After our Fourth or fifth date he asked me if I was seeing anyone and told me that he would like to see me exclusively. Who I was dating was none of his business. We were not exclusive. I was clear and told John I’m starting to feel pressured to commit. Also, I am at a point in my life where I still want to explore different possibilities, including having the freedom to date other people. He kept up the pressure made some good points and I told him that we could see each other and see where it goes.
Jon,another guy I was hooking up with and Alex were getting upset that I was so busy but their pining for me was nice. Fast forward another couple of months.I slowed things with John. He was now my number 3 position and told him that I could only see him once a week because i was busy on a new projects. John then asked for sexual exclusively. He was annoying me and not wanting to to argue and I said ok . I didn’t mean it. From the start I said I didn’t want to commit. We spoke all the time on the phone and I made time for him when I could. When we met up we would have a nice dinner and sleepovers. He would always bring a bottle of Dom. When he pushed me for more time I backed away and gave him less to cool him down.I knew it made him crazy. He got weaker in my eyes and I lost respect for him. The gifts and compliments kept rolling in. Everything was good things were balanced again.
I also met another guy and dumped “Jon1”..
Here is the end of the story of my fwb with John.
After a 10 months of on and off casual dating, John came to a restaurant where I was on a date with another guy. He spied on our whole meal and saw me take the guy “Brad”into the bathroom. (We had sex) I told him I was cleaning a stain off his shirt. I said the guy was a friend and I wasn’t interested in him that way. I told John,”you are my guy.” John saw right through me and I could see that he was upset. Later that day he broke things off with me on my Voicemail. I felt some relief because I really liked this new guy.
About a month later with no contact John sent me a very hurtful email. He called me a disrespectful gold digger, con artist, and a whore. Also accepting his gifts misled him to believe we were on the same page. He said that I was white trash and so many other things. He asked to have no further contact with him. He bashed my family who he never met. I almost returned the diamond earrings he gave me but not after that.
It’s been a few years and we have had no contact. It bothers me that things ended this way sometimes but he was such an as@hole.
I am still out there dating. Pardon the pun, but I’ve met a few more John’s.
These guys can’t handle fwb. -
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