My FWB is blowing hot and cold!

Sorry for typos. Should read there was NO instigator from my end. FEB should read FWB.

Anon — I don’t feel I can. It’s a bit cheeky to lay that on him after being the one to turn down dating, then suddenly say “actually, I am interested in it” when he’s now become comfortable in this FWB set up isn’t it?

He’s even commented once he’s glad I suggested it as it’s so uncomplicated and “more fun”. Really, I’ve dug myself a lovely deep hole!

Or…since you didn’t want a relationship and he does, maybe he’s seeing another girl. You’ll never know unless you ask.

I think your post is definitely the poster child for why we try so hard to warn ladies against a FWB arrangement!! Unfortunately your post also could show why we tell ladies not to date when who are going through a divorce also! You’ve gotten yourself into quite a mess.

As far as him not treating you like past FWB have, it’s likely because he was used to being married and in a relationship so he did the good morning gorgeous texts, the sweet baskets, the kissing and cuddling and cooking. It’s really easier for guys like this to just stay in relationship mode. It’s like they insert you where the ex was and just keep going. But it doesn’t really show their feelings for you and it usually does catch up with them and they realize it’s too much too soon and they need to get over the old relationship. So they become distant.

Your guy is already distant so we know something is going on. He’s now going days without contacting you and it’s much more formal and less fun. And he’s not wanting to see you as much. I think your first move is to tell him you noticed he’s being distant and know he’s going through a lot and ask if something’s bothering him. You aren’t demanding answers, just asking as a friend. There is a friend in FWB you know.

If he insists nothing is wrong but keeps up the cold behavior then you are going to have to end things or you are definitely going to get hurt. It’s quite possible he’s seeing someone else. Or the emotions from the divorce are finally hitting him and he’s dealing with those and doesn’t want to be dating.

And I don’t think it’s cruel to end things with him. Just tell him you notice he’s not as excited to see you or talk to you as he was and you realize you are missing it. But you don’t want to add to his stress so it’s best that you just back off for now and let him deal with things.

Why do women think they can turn things on and off on demand. Getting involved with a man going through a divorce!!! We are not horses, we are women, when we have sex, when we communicate we develop feelings. Men do too, but to a much lesser degree, much much lesser degree. And especially when they are going through something as stressful and life shattering as a divorce.

I think kaye gave you fantastic advice. I’d like to add that if you suggested a FWB, then he feels like a free agent, he might not be SLEEPING with someone but this does not mean he is not meeting and seeing other women. He might have met someone he found interesting, in this case he’d keep you on a leash in case things don’t work out with the new woman. This is what usually happens behind the scenes with men when they being to act “confusing”.

Do what kaye said in her last paragraph and try to get yourself OUT of this situation before it is too late. Or you will get hurt. You are setting yourself up for trouble and a heart break.