My Husband Just Confessed to Cheating on Me

That’s Emma LOL

No wonder Emma’s husband has to screw other women to make their marriage work.

Jenny, I never told her to back off.

I suggested she stop asking him, because it is just upsetting her. She isn’t getting anywhere and getting him to see a counselor together will give them guidance to discuss what is going on and get to the bottom of the issue. There is no point in draining herself emotionally if she isn’t getting anywhere. However, since he isn’t interesting in counseling, I see that as a real problem.

This is a perfect example of how things can become misunderstood through writing. Ladies, never have important conversations via text or email. Always do it in person.

No Pam. It was not, you’re mixing up what Bedazzle just said to me with Maryland’s story. Her conversations with her HB have been in person from what I can tell.

I got your meaning just fine Bedazzle. I don’t think she should back off asking at all and you do. We do not agree.

But at this point, with his refusal to see a counselor, I think they should just agree some kind of cooling off period that makes sense to both of them to let the dust settle and come back and start talking from square one. If he is just going to refuse to answer or respond with IDK to some very basic questions, they aren’t going to get anywhere and he needs to understand that at some point.

Hey Maryland-

So sorry for this happening.

Here is my take as a guy and someone who has been married “technically” for 27+ years in what would qualify as a loveless marriage. My best friend is a married female colleague w/ a family, and yes, we’re just friends (except on days when I tell her that I’m not a big fan of women at the moment so I take a break from her).

Anyway, the only reason I’m telling you this is to give you a guy’s perspective based on 20+ years down the road.

1. The Tinder thing did not happen IMO.
2. As a guy, your guy friends don’t put you up to crap like this. Nor, as a husband, do you let them put you in a situation like this. You shoot it down and stop it in, maybe…5 secs max. Period.
3. You accepting some of the blame for him having an affair is absolute nonsense. Him accepting zero of the blame and blaming others is beyond *#$*$#.
4. Him refusing to do counseling says it all. I know what that tells me. What does that tell you?

I could tell you so much more. I will give you the same advice that I give my BFF (and she’s still married so far) – Stick up for you. Advocate for you. Don’t accept less from him than you expect & demand of yourself.

You deserve better than you’ve been getting lately and maybe your husband isn’t the answer. Maybe he is. But you owe it to yourself and your kids to make him man up as a husband, dad, and person. Do you think he would be as understanding as you have been if things were reversed and you cheated on him?

You will get thru this, maybe with him, maybe w/o him. But you will be stronger and either way, you will become a better version of you! You will have a much firmer grasp of what kind of love you are willing to accept and, more importantly, what type of love you’re damn sure you’ll walk away from.

GL to you Maryland. I will send you some + mojo. TC

yes second to that, great advice Tom!

I found myself in a similar situation with my now ex. I used to belive that if i could just be better he would want me, if I tried harder and it was my fault. He didnt want couniling either. We have children, i was a mess for two years until he finally left. during that time I went into crazy spy mode and had a breakdown of sorts. Insane really.

When today 9 months out from him leaving (he appologized for leaving and I actually thanked him, yes he was suprised that I did that but I realze that he did me one hell of a favour) I am the happiest I have ven been.

He is alone, broke, sorry. If he was with someone hot, had of not lost everthing $$ and I wasnt doing so great he would be estatic and not feel at all sorry fot what he put me through. The loss of trust will send you mental. What an ass to tell you. He may just like my ex just want out to explore the supermarket of young tinder wormen. Its vacous but addictive.

please understand yes the kids were sd but I showed them that women can do just fine without a man if need be. He also now respects the hell out of me. A door mat no more. I hope this helps OP.

Wow… im so sorry for you. It must be hard.. After everything he just throw it all away.. what a pathetic (rip English) man..

Welcome back Tom…it was nice of you to help a lady in distress :-)

I’ve been around a lot of cheating being in a military environment for close to 25 years, both in and married to it. I agree wholeheartedly with Tom in that his colleagues had nothing to do with him meeting this lady and having sex with her but I do believe they knew about it and intentionally kept you in the dark.

My husband did this with a couple of his military buddies. One got caught cheating with one of his subordinates in the dorm, lost rank over it, and he LIED to his wife (married about 10 years) and told her it was something else—she had no idea he cheated! I was DUMBFOUNDED by how all his ‘buddies’ protected his infidelity. She did eventually find out through a different source, not me because you know what happens to ‘the messenger’; however I also know these types of incidents become fodder and spread like wildfire so the truth eventually comes out. She stayed with him but a year or so later met a guy and left him.

He stepped out because he no longer felt passion in the marriage. A man doesn’t just wake up one day and say “I’m going to have an affair.” No he meets a woman, they start talking, she ignites a spark he hasn’t felt in a very long time and it happens. Its intoxicating and fun, makes him feel alive…for a little bit.

Stop asking ‘why” he did it because deep down you know WHY—your relationship was closer to ‘roommates’ v. the happy loving couple you once were. He told you because he’s unhappy in this marriage, the affair wasn’t the solution he was hoping it would be and is now telling you that if it doesn’t improve he’s going to check out completely and leave. Its A WARNING sign and I don’t believe counseling is the fix or cure as you’ll just want to keep rehashing it over and over and over. He’s done TALKING about it; whereas if the two of you can’t sit down and come up with an ACTION PLAN on how to reignite the spark and get back to a happier place, then he’ll call it quits.

I know your still reeling from it and need some time to calm your pain and emotions. But eventually you BOTH need to be involved in getting this marriage back on track by coming up with a ‘game plan’ such as dating again and engaging in activities that the two of you enjoyed and kept the bond/connection going or it won’t work and divorce will be inevitable.

I know it really sucks it happened this way but know unhappiness/boredom is the most common factor, for both sides, in long-term relationships so your not alone.

Emma….
As a single woman, and someone who went thru cheating, the “idea” of finding a man to offer emotional support and love is nice. Except finding that men is a very difficult and emotionally draining process at times. So take a woman who already feels bad about cheating. Put her on Tinder or Bumble or Ashley Madison- because there aren’t a lot of outlets for married to meet new partners. Let her get ghosted, put down, used for sex, faded on. Maybe throw in an emotional abuser. An avoidant. That’s just going to be great for someone who is already hurt.

Theoretically it works, but that assumes that there are throngs of emotionally healthy men out there ready to emotionally support a married mother of twins. Yes, she can very easily get her some no strings attached sex, but most women don’t do well with that, mentally.

So please, take your bad idea and don’t share it.

“Tom” reminds me of someone I used to be aware of at another forum called ‘Uncle Don’. UD came on strong right from the start portraying himself as womens’ greatest friend. The women were immediately greatly impressed with UD and praised him constantly and consistently. Slowly,oh so slowly UD’s true personality got revealed. He started to make subtle sexual remarks,getting slightly bolder every week.
To cut a long story short UD slowly over the course of six months demolished his so carefully, so painstakingly constructed fake personality piece by piece. At the end of this time period Uncle Don stood hopelessly and irrevocably revealed as a hopeless late middle-aged daily drunk who was in a lifeless marriage and was seeking out women online for sex. UD was so sex obsessed that even when 99% of the women at that forum had seen completely through him he would try and pass of his obnoxious behaviour on alcohol. UD only vanished for good when he inadvertently revealed that he may have had at one time an incestuous relationship with his daughter!

Actually Stephen, we know Tom (assuming he’s the same Tom?).

As for you Maryland. Happy Wed :)

There is a song that I have listened to a lot to help me stay focused when things got crazy. It is titled “A Little Bit Stronger” by Sarah Evans. The lines that work best for me all come after the line “And I’m not hoping we can work it out…”

GL w/ things Maryland. And know that there are ppl in the world (who you will never know or meet) that are sending you positive energy.

Always good seeing your name on things Lane, Hannah, Jenny, RCS et al ladies.

Off to teach my kids fitness class. Happy week all.

People change after confession, let her forgive the man