Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › My husband's buddy asked me to send naked pictures
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JKL.
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Camille
Ugh, men can be such pigs!! My husband is in the army and we stay pretty connected with his Army buddies and their families. We’ve grown pretty close to this particular couple since we’ve moved to the family housing. We do things often and I have come to be pretty close with the wife of this couple. The husband, he’s always been supportive and even once came and picked me and my son up when my car wouldn’t start at the grocery store, took us home, and went back with my husband to jump my car. I always thought he was just a kind hearted guy.
Well, a couple months ago we started SnapChatting and everything was fine. We would snap Things of our families and babies and it never crossed lines. Call me naïve but I truly felt we were all just close friends. Well recently our husbands went out of state for training. Apparently knowing I was home alone, he started joking flirtatiously. Again I think I felt like he was above that because he has a gorgeous wife and two beautiful kids and never picked him out to be that kind of guy.
WELL. Then yesterday he sent me a shirtless picture in just boxers. I responded with shock and “WTF are you doing?!” Then he told me he has always been attracted to me and asked me to send him some sexy pictures. I was shocked!! I told him NO and blocked him on Snap.
Do I mention this to my husband and his wife??? I don’t want to start drama. He texted me to apologize after I blocked him but also said he couldn’t hide those feelings anymore. I ignored. I’m so torn. I don’t want to lose our friends. When the guys are away I rely on my friend for support and so much more. I cannot fathom not having that friendship and I feel this would destroy that. I don’t know if I have done something to contribute to his attraction but I can’t think of anything.
Help!
madhuri dixit
I have the same problem too. I keep a distance with the man and continue the friendship with his wife. When the husband calls me to chat i promptly hand over the phone to my husband and act as if I didnt understand anything. Meanwhile i also made other friends as if he starts acting funny…you may need to drop the wife as a friend too. NEVER start an affair. cheers
Camille
I don’t have any intention of starting anything, but my heart will be quite devastated if I lose my friend. The guys are schedule to deploy in about 7 months and I cannot imagine how I will get through it without her. Even just for a month training, we spend most evenings together with the kids just to keep the loneliness away. I do not have family here, as we had to move with my husband 1,500 miles away to live on base with him.
Donna
I’m sorry, you’ve already lost your friends once he did that. It will never be the same. You can’t trust him again, there is no recovering from that. Keep your distance. Do not be alone with him. To cover yourself, send him a reply saying you are shocked, this is completely unexpected and unwanted and you never want it to happen again or you will be forced to notify your husband and his wife. Then do not engage further and avoid. Make other friends. If you tell on him right now, you are risking being made the bad guy. You didnt’ do anything wrong, so I would stay quiet for now but you really need the written evidence that you told him off.
I had a married male friend ask me to be friends on Snapchat and said send me pics, I’d just like to see what you are doing with yourself (we live in different countries). I simply ignored the request. Major danger zone. I know he is not happy with his wife and I also know he will not leave her. We are business friends and I keep it to that.
Newbie
This happened to my best friend and her ex brother in law (the spouse of her partners sister). He called and tried to flirt over the phone. She only told me and chalked it up to him being an idiot. That couple got back together (for practical reasons: they have 4 young kids) and my best friend is fine with not telling her partner
Camille
Okay so maybe I am just dumb but…they seem REALLY happy. Why is he wanting this from me? I will admit that I am a bit on the naïve side when it comes to this type of thing. He seems very in love with his wife, so why would he ask me for this and try to start something?
I just now texted him, “I find this deeply inappropriate and completely shocking. I have no interest in sending or receiving pictures with you and I don’t ever want you to ask again. I am married to your friend and I am friend’s with your wife and both of them would be absolutely SICK if they knew about this.”
But seriously, WHY?? His wife is gorgeous!
Donna
I know right?? Because he’s a guy and he’s thinking with the wrong head for reasons you will never know or understand. Glad you sent that text. Now just let it go. Remember men can be very in love with their wives and have sex with another woman and it means nothing to them. It’s just sex.
Donna
Unfortunately if he’s doing this to you he is probably doing it with other women, it’s rarely an isolated incident. But I warn you against alerting his wife. The bearer of that kind of bad news gets shot 99.9% of the time. It’s his/their issue and it’s between them. Stay out of it. On two occasions I’ve felt i needed to let a close friend know about her BF/husband’s bad behavior and lost friends because they didn’t want to believe it.
Maria
Camille, men like variety, they are attracted to different women and military men are known for their infidelities. I am not saying all of them are like that, I am just saying this is the stereotype.
Him acting on his urges was a very stupid thing. This can, indeed, ruin your friendship for good.
But with time he’d get over it and will get attracted to someone else. Allow for things to cool off. If you never mention it to anyone, there is a chance this will get forgotten as a one-time incident. Provided he respects your request of course.
Sherri
I would also suggest not to delete any of those requests or your response to him. You may need it …. idk months later if he tries to stir up trouble to create a problem between you and your husband.
I do not really trust this man at all and I do not think you should either. I agree with the others, make new friends so you are not dependent only on this wife.
Tom
Camille-
Your response was spot on. Did you take a pic of the text you sent him. If not take a pic and save it just in case he doesn’t let this go and says you hit in him. Just advice. Delete his pics/texts etc. but keep yours. If you already deleted it, send the same text and ask him for an affirmative. So that you have proof. And never be alone, snap or text w/ him again.
GL
Sherri
Also for future do not snapchat with any of your husband’s friends, doesn’t matter how close you feel to them. That is going into dangerous territory. You may be naive and innocent in your thinking but some guys take this as an invitation to flirt.
Camille
I mean, was this him trying to start an affair? I’ve had guys come on to me a lot but never a friend who knows my family! I’m just still in shock and disgusted.
I am so sad for my friend. It sucks that her husband is a dirtbag.
I screenshot the text but I’m worried my husband will see it in my phone. Hopefully he won’t.
I know people can be attracted to each other. But this is crossing serious lines, right? He wanted to cross major platonic friendship lines, I feel. I think he might have wanted to start something more than just pictures…
Sherri
Camille, if your husband sees it on your phone its a good thing not a bad thing. If you try to hide that then it seems like you are guilty. If your husband sees it on your phone, just tell him that yeah this happened and I told him off and have avoided him. Just kept in touch with his wife. I did not want to burden you with it as I did not want you worried about me when you are deployed.
And stop analyzing why this guy is doing anything. Waste of brain matter IMO. You have handled the situation. Learn from it what you should do and not do in future and move on.
Of course he wanted to start something more than pictures. As I mentioned in my previous reply, when you accept snap chatting with some guys, they take it as an acceptance that you are looking for more with them. They have huge egos and cannot handle the fact that not every woman on this earth doesn’t want them. So stop analyzing. You can only control your behaviour and no one else’s.
You need to keep proof so that in future if he wants to take revenge on you because you dared to say no to him, you have proof that he was the one who initiated and not you.
Lily
Why are you acting like a high schooler? Snap chatting with him in the first place is flirtatious. Of all people you snap with a best friends husband? So, he probably took that as you coming on to him.
Anyway, your text is over the top. And so is your problem you have is you engaged in snap chatting, isn’t it? So how do you explain that to your husband and his wife?
I think you should chalk it up to a misunderstanding and just let it go. He didn’t rape you. He got carried away, and obviously you did too.
This is only as big a deal as you make of it.
Amy S
Any encouragement is encouragement to a man as little as responding to a text can be taken as flirting. Dont communicate in any way with this person again and dont engage in snapchat or anything else with males in the future to prevent anything like this happening again. I wouldnt say to the wife either as he will wriggle out of it and she will believe him and end up hating you so its not worth the drama. x
Camille
I guess I come from a world where I have always had guy friends. I didn’t realize snapchatting people I thought were my friends was an invitation to send or receive or ask for nudes. I never realized sending him pictures of my two year old son riding his tricycle with his two year old daughter was flirting in any capacity. Sorry that I feel like maybe there are still good men around who can keep it in their damn pants.
Camille
With that said I have obviously learned my lesson to avoid snapchatting male friends
Tam
I think you liked the attention. What woman snap chats and texts with another man? If you are that naive, hopefully you will learn moving forward..
Sherri
It is different if you snap chat with your guy friends and it is totally different if you snap chat with your husband’s friend or your friend’s husband. Recognize the difference between the two . And if you say that he is your friend as well, let me point it out to you and NO HE ISN’T. He was your husband’s friend first and then he was introduced to you. In your own words, you became close to his wife. So that means he is your friend’s husband.
With your own guy friends, you have already established boundaries and they know where you and they stand already and if they cross that boundary, you cut them off. No if ands or buts about it.
Him sending you pics of your son is fine. I would suggest if you have any pics of your kids together, send them to his wife. Why do you need to send them to him?
In future, Make sure you understand the difference between your guy friends and your husband’s friends or friend’s husbands.
Lily
Sherri is spot on!
He is not your friend. You have weak boundaries. Don’t be chatting with other women’s husbands! Please take some credit for this, and don’t just blame him.
If you are that naive, then learn from it. How would you feel if your husband was privately chatting with his wife? Do you see the differences?
Tam
What was your thought process regarding snap chatting another woman’s husband? Why would he want private pics of you kid? Think about it.
Donna
Tam and Lily are way off base here. It’s her friend’s husband and her husband’s, shouldn’t have been a big deal. Lay off her, this is upsetting enough. She came for advice not to get kicked.
EW
I don’t blame you, Camille. A neighbor I had known for over 20 years hit on me one day when his wife was out of town. He is the father of my daughter’s best friend. We had only been friendly and chatted on the street in passing, never anything more. I was totally disgusted by it. Never saw it coming. Is it my fault? I don’t think so. I would hardly call being friendly and chatting as a come on. You never expected your friend’s husband to hit on you and why should you? It is his fault, not yours, but I would definitely keep a distance. He is probably scared that you will let his wife know, so you have the upper hand. IMHO
Jessica
I don’t agree with those who alleges it is her fault for snapchatting with a guy, regardless whether he’s a husband’s friend or her own friend or someone else’s husband’s friend… It is the same thing we hear when women are sexually harassed ‘she shouldn’t have gone to a bar alone… she shouldn’t have worn such a short skirt… she shouldn’t have smiled at him’… Having said this I think deep down you feel flattered and enjoy the attention. Otherwise you wouldn’t be making such a big deal of why he’s doing this if he’s got such a great life and a gorgeous wife and so… If you don’t give a damn about him and his shirtless self, you just block him and move on with your life. I’m with Lily: call it a misunderstanding and that’s it. And if he ever brings up the issue just play dumb and tell him you know he tried to start a flirty convo with you by mistake.
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