My older bf acts weird when I send him sexy pics

He cannot get it up. He needs Viagra, get him a prescription next time. Cheers!

I see this completely differently.

It’s a generational thing. Gen X didn’t grow up in the hyper-wired world that you did. Sending sexy photos would be not the norm. And from his response he is uncomfortable with you doing this and doesn’t know how to tell you directly. I”m Gen X… I would not in a million years ever send a man a photo of me in lingerie or God forbid nude, and I would drop anyone who did this to me or at least tell them I didn’t feel comfortable with it.

Hi Kate,

I agree with everything Stephanie said (I’m a GEN X-er, too). I would wait until the next time you’re with him in person or can Skype and just ask in a very low-key way something like, “So, I was wondering, does it make you uncomfortable when I send you sexy pictures?” and see what he says. Maybe it makes him uncomfortable, maybe he doesn’t know how to respond, maybe he doesn’t like texting his response, maybe maybe maybe. You need to ask, and then you can try to find a way to spice things up that works for both of you.

the typical guy WOULD love it but some guys think you’re leading with sex & for some reason they don’t respond to it well. I’ve actually had this happen to me with a 27 year old a few years ago lol & I asked my guy friends about it & they were dumbfounded like he has to be gay!!! but he wasn’t gay lol it was just that it was sort of a turn off for me to be like that without him asking for me to be.. I don’t know how to put it into words cause it’s odd & hard to understand but it’s almost as if when you lead with the sexy stuff the guy feels masculine energy from you

Maybe he just doesn’t like that kind of sexual explicity.

Or maybe it’s a cultural thing. I know many british people would feel uncomfortable with that.

Or maybe he just thinks you sending ‘sexy pics’ is you being full of yourself and is turned off by that. It could be a myriad of reasons.

Hello ladies, thanks for the responses!! Well here’s the thing when we first started talking he couldn’t get enough of them! He loved them! I don’t send porn pics, but just sexy (IMO) cute pics, Nd I don’t send them all the time, maybe once in three months??

It seemed as our emotional connection got deeper he got less interested in sex, and my sexy pics for that matter. A part of me feels bad because I shouldn’t be complaining, I just actually don’t get it. He’s 40, I’m 24. we have a great friendship and we do flirt and say sweet things to each other, but because of the distance I have not seen him nor had a physical connection with him in just under a year.

I know he’s been depressed lately, sort of up and down. I just am trying to figure out if I am being stupid about this? I have not talked to him yet about it.

As for maybe turning him off, to be honest, really really honestly I don’t see how I could, I mean I’m his girlfriend, I’m not being desperate, I take care of myself and honestly when I look in the mirror I’m happy with what I see.

Kate–everything you just said really adds a lot to the situation. Being depressed could definitely affect his sex drive, and not having seen you or been physical with you for so long could be having an effect on his reaction to the pics–maybe it feels awkward to him because he hasn’t had sex with you for so long?

Is there any way for you to see him in person anytime soon? And to come up with a plan to see each every three months or something like that? From everything you describe it sounds like the problem is a combination of his depression and the long distance issue. If there is no way to see him in person, maybe assume it’s not about you if everything else is okay, let it go, and see if things go back to normal when you can be together again?

You’re not being stupid about this, not at all. He’s changed the way he reacted to you, but it sounds like it has more to do with him (depression) and not being able to see you for so long than anything else.

You’re right Kate. I didn’t not understand the situation. Wrong place and time to sound off. Sorry.

Dear Kate,
I’m in a similar situation, so i recognize the issues. That’s why i got here in the first place. When you can only talk to your guy for a long period of time, the bond does get deeper. But you also miss out on a lot, you cant touch, curl up etc. So based on the advice i read here, i decided to only continue if we really can come up with a plan to be together. It gave me piece of mind, because i know i can go either way: break it off or move over. Besides your question, you should make up some sort of game plan. A year is a long time.

When it comes to the sexy stuff. Yeah i know that lol, but you never know where he is when he gets them. So i wouldn’t think much of it. Amd i think the other ladies adressed his depressed state already.

Sorry I meant feb 2014*

with the situation I was in, it made NO sense to me either because he was my boyfriend we exchanged I love yous all that but it put him off in some way meanwhile I was the most beautiful girl in town like it made NO sense.. he would look at porn so it wasn’t that he didn’t like racy photos.. it was a strange thing that yes he used to love but later didn’t go for it. he suddenly viewed it as a turn off, maybe I was behaving “desperate” in his eyes, somehow, even though I was just being flirty & fun. it was a decline in his interest in me it was like before he loved it & would ask for it then he thought I was putting on act, trying too hard, all this stuff when that was not the case at all. whatever it is, it’s just something going on with him.