Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › My pillow still smells like his cologne, he already blocked me from WhatsApp
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Rose.
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Rose
For all the ladies out there going through this situation, I’m going to embarrass myself here and tell you that when a guy says NO for whatever reasons (if he just stops calling means NO as well) it really means NO.
Lots of ladies here have been following my mistakes as they happen, I’m sad, embarrassed, disappointed and numb, can’t even cry right now.
So this guy was incredibly amazing with me for like a month (and I fell stupidly in love) we had sex in the fourth date and he disappeared on me with no explanation, came back to haunt me after exactly three months (he does his moves in a mathematically calculated way now that I think about it)just left my bed to become a ghost again.
He did explain his reasons for not wanting to move forward with me and they’re valid reasons, he didn’t want to get attached and have the distance become a problem. He didn’t want me driving to his place and if something happened to me on the highway he was going to feel bad because I’m relatively new to driving. At least that’s what he says and I have no reason to doubt, maybe he’s just commitment phobic or whatever. He did say he was having feelings for me and he didn’t want them to grow deeper.
Now I know I did this to myself, I know It was a mistake to try to talk to him again he showed interest again until he got what he wanted… Then morning came and he was someone else, he was angry and trying to run away from my place, he didn’t even let me touch him. He just blocked me from WhatsApp and from his life, it’s over.
Now I feel so sad because I woke up from my stupidity with reality hungover, he did want me but he stopped wanting me, his silence was his goodbye.This second time around was probably out of curiosity, probably he felt lonely or whatever… He just wanted to put it inside of me one more time.
Whatever the reasons are, ladies please, save yourself from heartache and DO NOT INSIST!
Thanks a lot for reading me, a kind “I told you so” is very welcome.
Now I can concentrate in moving on and forgive him and myself for letting this happen to me.
Some days ago I stupidly asked him why he stopped contact and he gave me valid reasons but he’s still a man so he started heavily flirting with me, like he was pursuing me again sending videos, pictures, messages and all sort of stupid stuff. Well, I fell for nit AGAIN!
Mistral
Hi Rose,
No “I told you so” because you don’t deserve that. No one here does. It’s a hard lesson to learn, but the bright side of all of this pain is that you will not put yourself through another situation like this right away again.
Not saying it won’t ever happen again simply because we are all human. But, at least the next time you won’t spend as much time or energy hurting because you will instinctively avoid the worst of the mistakes you made with this man.
Chin up! Go get yourself a small gift for having the courage to post about your pain on the board today. :)
Alexis
Rose — I’ve been in similar situations just like this one! Music is a huge therapy for me. It lets me cry and just let me get out the pain. I recommend listening to Jhene Aiko. She’s an amazing artist and is easy to relate too. All of her songs tell a story of love and heartache. In one of her interviews she describes crying as “detoxing”. You should listen to her albums on Spotify: Sailing Soul(s), Sail Out, and Souled Out. I’ve only listened to the last two. But they got me through some really tough times at the beginning of the year.
My faves are: WTH, Comfort Ending, Limbo Limbo Limbo, Lyin King
I even have the lyrics from Limbo Limbo Limbo tattooed on me :)
Katy
Seriously no one deserve what you have been through. You deserved to be love and care about you. REMEMBER THAT!!!
BriLyse
Geesh what a jerk face. smh.
From one, those are not valid reasons not to be with someone you are growing feelings for in my opinion. He just didn’t want to be a relationship with you, period. He likes your goodies, and your probably a good time in the bedroom but thats about it. He never took the time to get to know anything else because his ass disappeares before you get a chance to show him, so the reasons he laid out are total bs. He must be a damn Libra, or Sagg. lol.
If a man wants you, I dont care how far or how low he will make it happen. I know men that are on different continents making it happen with the woman that has their heart. So boy please. He’s doing you a favor.
amy s
Hi. OOft so the ghost came back and hurt you again. Well at least you got it now. Closure that is, sometimes you maybe never learn enough of a lesson in the first instance. Either way let him go. Hes a fucked up mess. Blocking you from whats app !! oh please does he think hes all that and you will be bombarding him. Get over yourself douchebag. You live and learn Rose, its not fair but you will always come across thes flip flapping guys. You will feel much better about this soon and remember with these idiots its not about you its all about them and their issues. Block him right back and focus on yourself and feeling good about yourself again. Don’t waste another minute of your precious life stressing about this immature prat x
Rose
Thank you so much to all of you girls. I feel so bad. I started crying as I was reading, tears fell on my phone’s screen.
I just feel miserable but at least I know it’s over and was never meant to be. No I will be a lot less trusting.
Maybe he’s not bad, maybe he’s a horrible person, I don’t know. All I know is, I made a mistake loving him so early.
The good thing about this is, the harder the lesson, the more difficult to make that one mistake.
Khadija
Aww Rose,
I’m sorry that this happened to you. I know how this can be because I have done this many times.The thing is you will now learn from this and when you see him calling again you’ll hit the ignore button before he can say boo.
Be kind to yourself and keep in mind that one day the right person will come along.He will not be some ghost and you won’t be feeling badly about him.
Stay postive and just remember that you are not alone in this.
Anne
He didn’t want me driving to his place and if something happened to me on the highway he was going to feel bad because I’m relatively new to driving.
Seriously what a jerk.
Just erase him from your memory. ASAP. He is beyond worse.Rose
Thank you so much khadija and Anne… You know what? I’m afraid to say I ended up in the hands of a narcissistic sociopath. There were huge red flags which I decided to ignore because I wanted this one to be real so badly.
He once told me one of his clients didn’t pay for a service, next time he worked for that particular person he mixed paint with water and sold it to him to screw him up and he just lauged at how smart he was. I was so stupid to ignore that one.
I thought with my experience I would never fall for one of those again but it only shows how efficient they are and how vulnerable we are just cause they’re charming and sexy.
Rose
Oh and when I went to his place he gave me the rough towel and he kept a soft one… Maybe this one is a stupid little detail but really made me feel funny in my stomach. Aaaand he said “you breathe too loud” when we were in bed just about to go to sleep. God, I’m such a dummy.
BriLyse
You breath too loud? lol. Was he joking or dead serious? I think i wouldn’ve left at the point. He seems a little off.
Khadija
It’s afterwards that we see those signs. Well now you know what to be looking for in weeding men out for the next time.
You are no dummy my dear. Remember be kind to yourself.
No one gets this dating thing perfectly right.
Abby
I’m sorry Rose…Sometimes the only way we learn is through our own mistakes… we live and we learn, yes? Don’t kick yourself too much. You just got wiser !
amy s
hi. Oh I think you dodged a bullet here for sure. Onwards and upwards. What a loser. I still cant get over the blocking like ur gonna blow up his phone. Dream on fuckwit lol x
Jenny
What a JERK! Yes Rose, it’s those little things that you should take note of for sure. My gf’s think I’m crazy but I’ll annotate things as small as whether or not you match my walking pace if I slow down *which I’ll do intentionally* and to me, that can be telling sometimes *NOT all the time, I’m not a COMPLETE psycho. Lol. But it’s okay. Yes, maybe you should’ve taken his behavior into account from the first go, but you didn’t because you gave him the benefit of the doubt of being an authentic human being. Unfortunately, in dating that’s not always the best move but you shouldn’t feel bad or penalize yourself for still having the belief that people are genuine. Just a learning experience but still I hope it doesn’t make you jaded. Guys like this remind me of the quote “I never said I hated you. I just said that if you were on fire, I MIGHT consider roasting marshmallows. Big difference!” Bahahahahahahaha :) Feel better!! and I’m sorry you’re going through this
Greenie
Hi Rose, it seems to me from what you wrote you dodged a bullet here. He’s seems like not a nice man (lots of red flags), not worthy of you. Time to be grateful? I don’t think you really had feelings for this man (not love anyway) it’s too soon. But you may be feeling used and rejected, and that I understand very well. But rejection from the wrong man is actually a blessing, remember that! Try not to personalize this as being about you — it isn’t.
Many times women fall in love with the idea of love because they feel lonely and want a relationship. It happens a lot! It’s also easy to think that the bath of chemicals you feel after sleeping with someone is love, but it isn’t. It’s nature’s way of attaching women to men.
I just got home from a wonderful weekend out of town with my boyfriend of 5 months. Fun as it was, I had a long bus ride home and began to wonder, am I ready for the next level of commitment? I see my boyfriend every weekend and feel as though I am starting to lose my freedom in a way. The next 3-4 weeks is pretty much planned out. At about this time in the relationship (6-9 months) partners start to see new sides that they didn’t see before.
I found that my BF kinda controlling in the kitchen, as in, he doesn’t want me in there when he’s cooking! This weekend he had no choice as we were at a friend’s timeshare condo out of town and I insisted on both of us being in there to prepare food. Before this weekend I had always assumed he wanted to be in the kitchen solo because he wanted to be romantic and do something for me. Well now the cat’s out of the bag. He’s gonna have to get comfortable with the idea because I like to be in the kitchen too.
The point of this little story is that there is a whole lot to learn about people — and that takes time. The person you think you “love” may be an illusion, i.e. you see mainly the mask they show you until the mask begins to slip. As time goes on, more is revealed. Be glad that this man showed his true colors early. You now know that it’s not a match and can find a man you are much more suited to. And don’t you deserve to have a good man? Of course you do!
Jenny
P.S. Wash your pillow case! ;)
Anne
Guys, if you have a minute, please have a look at my post as I could really use some thoughts?
It has the title “Oversharing on first date”Ivy
The story is heart-breaking cause it caused you pain, so I am sorry for your experience.
I truly believe the best way for a woman to protect her heart, unless she does not bond through sex, or doesn’t like the guy, or wants fwb and won’t fall in love — is to not have sex early on. Perhaps that goes without saying right now, but I am saying it again anyway. I really do think that when a woman who is vulnerable to liking a guy has sex too soon then she can get hurt.
What is too soon, too soon is not knowing if a man is going to dissapear, too soon is not knowing a man’s character, values, goals in life, dreams, what kind of woman he sees himself with in the future, how he treats people, family, seeing him in different settings.
Too soon is experiencing sexual chemistry, thinking that is the basis for perhaps a relationship and that it means something, means one feels one way, one is one way, or one is not one way.
Too soon is also being with a man for a few months but on a superficial basis then he still might dissapear.
Sex is serious, even kissing is serious, read up on the chemical reactions in the body during kissing, kissing can be intoxicating, just a kiss, no it is not. Once you get those chemicals going someone is prone to ignoring all the bad things about a person, and all you end up knowing is there is chemistry, that is not enough.
Chemistry does not mean compatibility, chemistry doesn’t mean someone is a kind person, it doesn’t mean someone wants a relationship.
So basically, this kind of thing, this heartbreak thing, so early on in dating is going to be less likely to happen if a woman goes slow, emotionally and physically. Yes there are exceptions, but unless you are the happy few women that don’t get disspointed when a guy dissapears after sex, just don’t have sex before actualLY knowing a man.
All in all I agree this man doesn’t sound like a good bet for a relationship nor a nice person, so no loss there for real. However, I suggest seeing this as a chance to learn some important lessons for you, to do things differently. If you find that in all your heartbreaks you moved too fast physically then try slowing that down. You don’t need to act on every attraction, if it’s real it will be there once you get to know a man. Otherwise, when you really come down to it, go fast and you are more prone to realize you slept with a bunch of men that really didn’t deserve your time or affections, and why on earth would you continue to do that when you can change, if this is your issue.
This guy needs to be out of your life, but you do need to change your dating behaviors so you get happy healthy loving results. Your goal should be to only spend time with men who treat you well and of those men you cut out the men who are not compatible with you. Hang in there…
Grace
Hang in :-**
Dauny
He got angry in the morning, wouldn’t let you touch him, said you breath too loud, ran away, and blocked you…he’s psycho. I bet he was lousy in bed. Probably small and couldn’t stay hard…am I right? Bet he was selfish too–all about him…
Rose
Hi girls, thanks a lot for your responses, you are amazing women.
Today I’m feeling A LOT BETTER!!!!
The infatuation is completely over, now I can see.
He did not want a relationship WITH ME, for whatever reasons and I should have let it at that, I was the one who insisted and I only got burned. Maybe his intentions were honest and along the way he realized it was not practical and as a rational man he decided to end it, his mistake was not to be clear and cut all ties with a simple “I don’t think this will work, good luck and god bless”
Instead he shut his mouth because he knew he did want a FWB situation with me and that was his second attempt.
Good thing I told him this second time I would not take any less of what he offered to me at the beginning and he realized I’m serious but being a man he had to have sex again anyways.
That’s why in the end he treated me like crap, so that I get the clue, “if you want to be with me , you can’t fall in love and I’ll make sure of it by being the biggest jerk I can be” … He did it to protect his sorry ass.
Now a friend of mine made me see that he’s probably gonna be back to try again the FWB or occasional booty call but he will not be welcome of course because my goal is a relationship and when or if he shows up again I’ll most probably be on my way of having one.
He’s actually very good in bed with a very good size Argentinian/polish sausage lol but he’s not boyfriend material, that’s very clear. At least he’s not for me.
Now I have to look for the one that’s not going to complain about distances, times… The one that’s OK with me as I am, that’s not going to be “afraid” of loving me, the one that’s going to stay no matter what.
Meanwhile I’ll keep taking care of who matters most, my kids and myself.
Rose
Bottom line,
DO NOT INSIST when a man says no relationship, means no relationship and no amount of love or sex is gonna make them change their mind.
redcurleysue
You deserve a man who has the ability to love. This guy is a very self centered.
Rose – you are a loving giving woman but do not put your pearls before swine.
If they oink make pork chops.
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