My Revenge on the Ghost Who Broke my Heart

Anna,
Good for you for seeing that it was a game. It’s normal to have done this by the way – on your part – because it’s a negotiation with yourself so that you don’t have to let go. But it’s liberating to really let go. You will get back your power and the strength in your core. Once you’ve done that, your feelings for him no longer make you do stupid things against your own interest – or stay in an unhealthy or unbalanced relationship. Once you have gotten your power back, you will be able to go forward with your eyes open to finding a relationship that is real, committed, and that is truly good for you. This does not mean that it can’t be with him – when and if he is ready for that – or with someone else.

OMG!! Why would ANY of you jump down Anna’s throat for feeling good! Why? Forget the guy… look at how she won with how she is reacting to the loss of this guy. She is in the drivers seat. As we all say here, love yourself first and dating becomes much easier.
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Lane, let’s look at the definition of victim, note the word “harmed” and “tricked”.. victim.

vic·tim noun
a person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action.
a person who is tricked or duped.
a living creature killed as a religious sacrifice.

A child can be a victim of being bullied but not physically attack. A female can be verbally harassed and identified as one of the victims.
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Let’s look at the definition for empower:

em·pow·er: make (someone) stronger and more confident, especially in controlling their life and claiming their rights.

I’m sorry Lane, where do you get that Anna is not empowered. She feels stronger and more confident about who she is in her life. I don’t get it.

I cannot believe that you attacking Anna when she feels good. Why would any of you do that to a girl who just got over a heartbreak.

Anna – with all that talk, please do not forget, he ghosted on you, after several months of a relationship, not just after a few emails or a couple of dates. He is not a good person, you don not need a guy like that, you better stay away from a guy like that.

Games are not a good foundation for a relationship, regardless of this victim/empowerment theory and what not. You need to be genuine with yourself and your feelings, and if someone is mistreating you, behaving like a jerk, then you need to draw proper conclusions to protect yourself. This guy is not a relationship material. Why do you trust him now? Why? You prompted him into boosting your ago a little, but I do agree with others who said he maybe playing along. He is a competitive athlete, he WILL get back at you.

I recommend you come out clean. Talk to him, tell him the truth, admit it was not too noble of you, and then end it. He did behave like a crude towards you, with complete disregard for your feelings. He is not a good person, he is not even a decent person. Normal people do not behave like that. Do not get involved with people like that, men or women. Be selective whom you let close.

Anna, I agree with all the other posters, that this was not the best way to handle this ghost. He ghosted on you in a deliberate manner,and that just showed he is lacking in decency and integrity, he sounds like a real loser.

He seems more like a big jerk.The way to deal with guys like that is to give him the same treatment, by not contacting then go NC on his ass, this is the best way to get your power back, and keep your pride at the same time. Not one word, just fall off his radar just the way he did to you.

On the other hand, as a woman, I would want to do something to tear down his ego, not sure your was the best way.

He should never have the opportunity or the pleasure of hearing your voice, never mind going out with you, or you still being friendly toward him. This will only end up giving you a bigger heartache than before, mark my words!!

@Stefanie, your tone is very arrogant and condescending. No one listens to advice that is giving with such a negative and I know it all tone as you did. When did you become the relationship counselor of the year?

I have noticed in a few semi-recent post because you have finally landed a man into having a relationship with you and now all of a sudden you are the tough advice expert.
speaking on men’s behalf. If this was not so sad, it would be funny

Not nice at all

Anna. You have to decide what you want now. Do you want to give things another try or not?

If you do, some very honest conversations need to happen. I’d also be worried if he did this once, he’ll do it again.Ghosting shows a total lack of care and respect for someone. Is someone capable of doing that someone you really want in your life?

If you don’t want him back, drop the contact.

Being empowrered isn’t about manipulating or deceiving. The only way you’d have been in control in this situation is if you’d kept a dignified silence and he’d come crawling back telling you he’d made a mistake.

Leigh, I think the point is that Anna may be happy now in the short term but is likely to end up hurt again if this carries on. She’s not in the driver’s seat. She reached out to someone who ghosted on her because she desperately wanted his attention. Her reaching out worked but he’s still pulling all the strings. I don’t mean to sound offensive Anna, but someone with a lot of self love would not have lowered herself to do that.

And Hannah, the self love for Anna showed up when she walked away and went through some time working through her pain. That is normal and should be done by all of us. So, she didn’t lower herself. She found her self esteem, used it to take a chance and she got good results. Now she is ready to meet someone else.

She did not love herself before this painful realization.

Not nice I meant to say….*** last paragraph.