My Sister Doesn't Like My Partner

Hi All, I have come onto this forum, as I have been helped before in the past about relationship issues, so thought I would see some more opinions from all the wonderful people that post on here, as it does help allot.

Will try and sum this up as short as I can, so bare with me. I met and fell in love my now partner 18 months ago now. We knew we wanted to be together from the get go, both in our early 40’s, we both knew what we wanted and it was very easy. Some would say it was very quick, however we moved in together 3 months later, engaged 6 months later, now building our very first home together 18 months later. Our relationship has all the norms of regular relationship, we laugh everyday, we support each other, we encourage each other, we have very good playful banter, we have extremely high sex drives (sex one a day if not twice), we are very attracted to each, but we also fight, we argue, but we also know how to communicate and talk things through. It has by far been the best relationship I have ever been in (it is my second and his third), I have never ever felt so love and never question his feelings towards me.

My partner has a past, this was back in his early 20s, he made a few wrong decisions, got mixed in with the wrong people, but when the birth of his son came along, he made the decision to get out, so he moved away from it all to start again (his son is now 18). He was very honest with my about his past (it really wasn’t that bad, it was nothing to send him to prison or anything like that). I confided in my sister about this when I first started dating him, she is a police officer, so she unfortunately judged straight up I do regret telling her about his past, as it really was none of her business. So this is one issue that my sister has with my partner.

I had another close friend, who is also close to my sister as well. She has a partner that is very “handsy” it really is nothing for him to smack my arse, or get far to close for comfort, especially towards me. He would also text me quite frequently, for no reason. I had been struggling with this for a while and wasn’t sure how to deal with this, I made sure that my sister was aware of the situation and also sent screen shots of text messages to her, so if anything was to happen, he couldn’t say I was doing it all. So my sister was fully aware of my situation with our friends partner. He is renowned for being very flirtatious with other women, my friend even found sexting on this phone to other women, so they briefly broke up over this for a while, but she doesn’t trust him, even to do this day. So he is known for this and it made it worse when he would be all touchy towards me. I hated it. But I was stuck and didn’t know how to deal with it, but I should of said something and I regret that.

When I started dating my new guy, it actually got worse with this male, he was almost showing off in from of my new partner. It wasn’t until my new guy asked if there wasn’t anything going on with him, that I realised just how bad it must look. My partner said that if he comes and smacks my arse once more, he isn’t sure if would be able to control himself. My sister made it worse, as she said in from of my new guy, just how obsessed this male was. So it planted a seed, which grew out of control. So I had to confront the situation, I confront both my friend and also her partner, it went from worse to bad very quickly. She blamed my new partner, telling me that he is very controlling, jealous and all my friends and family agree, that they all believe I am in a highly abusive relationship (the only abuse in our relationship comes from me, when I make him watch all the Real Housewives episodes). So I confronted all my friends and also my parents and if they do have these feelings, not one of them did and not one of them had talked to this friend about it, they were all furious to say the least.

So my sister in all of this, has supported this friend, she has basically dumped me cold and has provided support to me at all. She has excluded me from everything, she will have lunches, dinners and I don’t get asked at all. My sister had a grown daughter and son, who we are all very close with as well, they both have their families etc. However they have also just started to exclude me as well in a sense.

For example, it is my nieces Birthday this weekend and she is having a dinner on Saturday night, she rang me yesterday morning to let me know that she is going to ask this friend and the sleaze bag partner along as well, as they haven’t done anything to her. My nephew’s wife is the same as well, when she organises get togethers. It make me sick to my stomach the thought of being any where near this couple and also to see them with my sister, acting all friendly, would just make me leave in tears.

The only support that I have had through this, is my parents (who are furious at my sisters behavior) and also my close mates, who have my back 100% and also adore my partner.

They believe it’s because my sister and niece have lost control of me, you see, I was single for a good chunk of time between my old relationship and this new one, so I was always available, I was always up to have a good time, would do what ever they wanted, especially my sister when her fella was working away and she was home by herself, but when he was back, she was always with him. Meanwhile they both had their relationships and family to go home too, I went home to an empty house. So that is why I knew I was ready to look for another relationship, I was done being single in my late 30’s. I was fussy, it took me a while to filter through the “crap” but I found my gem. I am not in a completely different stage of my life, one I didn’t think I ever would be, my priorities have changed.

It really hurts when my close family and sister have supported this friend, neither have actually confronted this friend and told her that I was having struggles with her partner for a long time, way before my new guys came along. But they were so quick to blame my new guy for it all. They know she has hurt me beyond, yet they say “she hasn’t done anything to us”. I am family, she is just a friend. But they can’t seem to see past that, it leaves me so upset about the situation, I sometimes think I should not of said anything, but my mum quickly reminds me, that the whole situation had to stop, regardless if I was in a relationship or not.

Sorry this was long, but it doesn’t help to get it all out. I have really only touched on the subject, but I could be here for hours writing about it.