Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › My whole life revolves around dating & men and I need to stop!
- This topic has 2 replies and was last updated 2 years, 6 months ago by
Maddie.
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Christy
I’m someone who has been in and out of situationships, flings and casual sex. Never had a real relationship, I was constantly needing someone, chasing relationships and men who didn’t value or want me.
It’s just recently did accept that I am my own problem, I tolerate being in these situations where I am disrespected and not valued and I just want to take all that energy back to myself and work on my self/ my life.
I also have a ton of relationship books, podcasts and YouTube videos to help me learn and do better in future.
But I’m actually exhausted and tired of everything being about dating in my life.
I just want to delete these YouTube videos and podcasts and delete the books on relationships, stop responding old flings and going out with men.
I know these resources will help me learn but it still puts my focus on relationships and men. I really just don’t want my focus to be on this anymore.
I want to listen and read other stuff about different topics and be single and not crave for a relationship.
I want to wake up and not think of some guy I has stuff to do with and how it would have been nice. My browser history daily is just be googling stuff about relationships and dating, trying so hard to learn something or how I can he different. I don’t even have interest in other stuff or reading other books, or watching other YT videos that would benefit me.
Even when I go out I’m fixated on how I’m acting around men and if they notice me, just always in my head if I am doing it right or not.
I just want to be, I can’t believe how much I fixate on dating and men, I don’t read or watch anything that isn’t dating advice, it’s pathetic at this point.
But I also feel like I am still not knowledgeable on relationships which is why I keep falling for these men so I think reading and watching relationship related stuff with the right intentions might help me bit it’s so crazy at this point, like everything I do is about this.
But I also do not want to re enter the dating scene in future making the same mistakes.
I feel so drained but the moment I suddenly felt so tired of it all and told myself that I was done and just wanted to do me and focus on me I felt so free.
But I somehow still feel like if I stop thinking about dating and men I would completely lose touch and not know how to get back into dating when I’m ready, is this normal?A
You remind me of myself 😂. Get the book attached and learn what your attachment style in relationships is. This has helped me a lot. Also, get a good therapist.
Maddie
Agree, read Attached, get a good therapist, and try Thais Gibson’s YouTube videos. If you look towards attachment styles for some answers, the point is to learn more about yourself and focus on yourself so you can heal and get stronger, which will eventually positively impact your dating life and shift your attraction to be more towards men who won’t play games. But understanding your own attachment style helps with a lot more than just dating (learning more about your relationship with yourself and trusting yourself can help allow you to handle stress better and become more resilient to conflict, for example). So you can tune the dating part out for a while and not make it the end goal. It’s a cliche, but connecting with yourself first will make it easier to connect with others. Taking the time for yourself is healthy and won’t mean you will lose touch with dating when you’re less burnt out on it and ready to meet new people!
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