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Look, here’s something you need to understand – men process things different emotionally than women. It’s useful to imagine that men’s emotions look at life through this lens: does this make me feel like a winner or a loser at life?
From that lens, you could imagine how looking at your financial success could make him feel like a loser. Not all the time, but it triggers something.
When you say it feels unfair, I get that feeling. But life is full of things that feel unfair that we have to deal with if we want to get what we want. So what’s the best way to deal with it?
I don’t think the problem is you having success or coming from a higher social class. And I don’t think you’re not giving him enough assurance that you love him.
The fundamental problem is that he feels like a loser at times – it gets triggered and drags him down to a dark place. It’s a very specific male experience… it hits men hard in a way it doesn’t hit women. There’s a reason calling a man a “loser” is such a cutting insult in a way it isn’t towards a woman.
I know some people might get uncomfortable with pointing out gender differences today, but I’m only saying this because I want to help you. There’s no putdown here towards men or women.
The solution will come from him having more in his life that makes him feel like a winner where it matters to him. If he has a strong source of that feeling in his own life, he won’t mind the other stuff. He’ll feel like “the man,” like he’s “winning at life,” so he won’t be affected by these self-comparisons (to your co-workers, your income, your background, etc.).
But that’s highly personal to him. And it wouldn’t feel great if he thinks you’re pushing him to “be more of a winner” just to solve his mood problem – that would really make him feel like a loser! It’s delicate.
You can make progress by shifting your view. The “problem” isn’t your higher social class, your job, or not giving enough reassurance.
Stop worrying about those things. The problem is that he needs to feel he’s making progress in areas of life meaningful to him. Figure out what his dream life is and support him moving towards that.
Note I didn’t say HAVING his dream life. I said moving towards it – PROGRESS is the ultimate male mood cure.
Hope it helps,
eric charles
