Need advice


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  • #789173 Reply
    alllison

    My fiancée whom I live with has a son that lives in another state, and he only gets to have him for summers for a month. Throughout the year what he does is FaceTime him, his son is now 7 and they are FaceTiming all day. While he’s at work once he gets home there they are.. I have to hear all the background noise the kids mom and partners life and everywhere they go. It’s a bit uncomfortable. Even when talking to my partner it’s hard to talk to him knowing other ppl are on the phone listening. Whenever I tell him it’s too much he gets bothered and says it’s his only way to talk to him and be involved.. but I feel like it’s hard for us to have any time when he’s always on the phone. Or it just makes me think is my life going to be like this forever? Am I in the wrong? Should I change my way of thinking and agree with this way of life? Or is he wrong? Please advice and thank you!

    #789264 Reply
    Tallspicy

    You are both right and both wrong. This is his kid and he comes first and he is young. The reality is you need to either accept this or walk away. You already asked, he won’t change it. But honestly, the kid is seven and most likely in bed early, so not sure why you don’t have time after that.

    You will always come second and criticizing his parenting will is a bad idea.

    Choose. In or out. Your life will be like this, until the kid is significantly older. It is sweet he is a good available parent and that he and his ex partner coparent nicely.

    #789267 Reply
    Jo

    I agree with Tallspicy. This is why I never dated men with young kids. If he’s a great involved Dad then you can never be his priority. I suspect people who also have young kids can deal with that. Not having children myself, it wasn’t what I wanted, but nor did I want a man who was a bad father. It sounds like you feel the same, in which case he’s probably not the man for you.

    Having said that, assuming you’re not exaggerating it does sound extreme. Even married couples with children sometimes get a babysitter and go for some child-free time together, even the odd weekend. Maybe you could try to negotiate some regular slots of private time. If he won’t do that, say an hour an evening and a weekend or 1 day a month, whatever you feel you need, then I would suggest this won’t work.

    #789275 Reply
    Newbie

    I find face timing rather intrusive myself. But obviously also the importance of him being a part of his sons life. Just to be practical: cant you agree on a timetable and on a private space

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