Need advice !!!!

He was nice and funny and was consistent with texting.. making plans but he would sext sometimes which would turn me off but I wanted to explore physical intimacy as well so I went along with it. I only had 1 sexual partner before (M34), my ex who was abusive. I never had casual hook ups before. This guy said he was looking for a relationship and really likes me. I invited him over for 5th date and it started great.. he offered me weed which I never do but I tried it and was also drinking wine plus didn’t eat that day so combination of all this really make me high and I started feeling paranoid. We started making out, I was touching him but he got really angry and frustrated that I am not listening to him and that I am distracted etc (needed to check on my dog).. he asked me to give him a B-job (this was my first time ever) and tbh I wasn’t fully aware I was doing it until I did it.. again he was complaining the whole time and asked me to shut up and told me he was not having fun.. he was so rude that I started crying and told him that I wasn’t feeling safe so he left. He reached out after a few days and said he enjoyed the B-job and would want to see me again. He came over.. no foreplay this time, it would also take so long for him to get hard and he can’t stay hard for long but I still gave him a H-job for like 30mins, we tried having S%$ but he said I was too tight and he didn’t wanna do it me anymore.. he was also too freaked out to see blood on the condom and then he left and ghosted me. I feel rejected, sad and undesirable.I was looking for a serious relationship but gave him a chance as he was really into me and things were good before so I am feeling like I did something wrong.. I shouldn’t have gotten high and then maybe things might have worked out..

BTW I am a female 34 ..

I am sorry for adding all the descriptive details… this never happened to me before so I can’t stop ruminating ..

Thanks Raven !

I am sorry you said ur 34? Why in the hell wld u call this guy again for seconds? This whole thing was a mistake!

Long time bac when it was my first time, i met this guy. We kissed on our first date. Thereafter we met few times. We went out once to a nightclub and i mixed my drnks. Needless to say i got drunk! Though we had amazing chemistry, not once did this guy try to get ibtimate with me. He tuk care of me like a baby even while i puked. Helped me undress and put me to bed like a baby. Not just that he even made me hv sm medicine which helped me with my hangover. The next morning i woke up erly and realised i probably mde a fool of myself. Woke up cleaned up gud brushd my teeth and went back to sleep.

When i woke up not once did he act angry or made me feel bad. He made me feel so comfortable and told me it happens baby! His feelings for me didnt change, nor did he get mad at me ! We did get close but not that day and when i was sober! And i was so happy that he was my first! He genuinely liked me and treated me with affectn and warmth n respect.

Nothing u can do now to change things. But pls be a litlmore discerning in future. Its ok if you want to hang out with someone casually. Just choose a nice guy. And above all, learn to respect urself. Dont let ppl treat you like sh*t. If they behave badly, you shut the door on your way out and ensure its locked!

Take this as a learning experience. You made a mistake. We all do at times in life. Just learn from it and put this behind you. Hes a horrible man. Just block him from everywhr and do not engage with him… And above all pls value yourslf more.