Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Need Closure/ Advice
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 3 years, 7 months ago by
Erin.
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sgrl2494
So about a month ago, I began speaking to a guy online in my city via an anon app. I think we had a pretty strong start, a great first few convos – he was clearly interested and messaged me every day. We’re both into comedy so exchanged a lot of jokes. I also (definitely) gave him mixed signals because of my humor style (pretty sexual) and he kept dropping hints of sex/ dating (also asked me if I was actively looking for something twice) but I wasn’t in the right headspace (wasn’t sure what I wanted out of it/ it had all gotten too intense for me too fast) so I knowingly ignored it or gave vague answers because I wanted more time to process. In hindsight, I know I should’ve been upfront with him about this but also (incorrectly) assumed it was getting to the point that he’ll initiate a meetup and I’d bring it up then. Despite my mistakes, we still talked and even video chatted one weekend but still no mention of plans to meet in person. To show I’m interested, I decided to ask him if he wanted to hang out which I did the following week. He tells me he’ll get back to me but never does. Yet he still messages me every week so some (platonic?) interest is present and has added me across multiple platforms. I guess I just need a third party right now to give me some mental closure that this door is officially shut for the sex/dating route so that I can stop ruminating. Part of me also wants to meet in person so I end this speculation a bit more upfront, ensuring no loose ends. But the idea of me asking to hang out again just seems so eerie
Raven
I’m sorry- bluntly, you don’t see this is nowheresville because …?
Liz Lemon
You asked him to hang out and he never got back to you. The message is loud and clear- he is not interested. It really is pretty simple– if a guy wants to see you, he will. Definitely don’t ask him again, and give yourself the mental closure. For whatever reason, this guy does not want to meet. He’s most likely talking to other women, maybe he met someone he likes better, or maybe he’s talking to women who are not giving mixed signals– who knows.
Another bit of advice- don’t be vague and ignore questions when guys ask you what you’re looking for. Get in the right headspace before you start talking to guys. It will save you this kind of situation later on.
Maddie
Did he tell you outright what he’s looking for when you were vague? Sex does not equal dating. If he’s mainly looking for sex and you were vague then he’s moving on to talking to other women who are down with casual and will be easier to hook up with. While being vague would also turn off someone seriously looking for a relationship, I doubt that’s where his head is at. Since he’s still casually talking to you about unrelated stuff, then he’s probably not looking for a relationship because when I was on dating apps looking for a relationship, I’d quickly fade out on guys who were vague and non committal. So I don’t think you’re missing out on anything, just move on and get your side of things together so you’re ready when you do meet the right guy.
tammy
you need closure for what? u guys haven’t met ever. u just had few chats online. and he didn’t even bother when you asked to meet. u need closure for what exactly? lol. just stop wasting your time and move on.
AngieBaby
Elvis has left the building. Sorry. Leave him alone and MOA. And you’re the only one who can give yourself closure. ;)
Your engagement style isn’t getting you what you want. You might want to step back and reconsider what messages you’re sending. I’d recommend not making any sexual references or jokes in chatting with guys online before you’ve met. It’s not “platonic” interest going on here. He keeps getting back to you because he’s pegged you as a possibility for easy NSA sex but doesn’t ask you out because he’s not interested in anything else with you. Sorry to be so blunt.
Talking too much before you meet isn’t a good idea either. You’ve gotten way ahead of him and too far into this. Don’t take a man’s job by asking him out. If a man you’re talking with on a dating site isn’t asking you out fairly quickly cut him off, it’s a waste of your time and he’s not a serious candidate. And there’s a lot of that online so be prepared to set a standard and stick to it.
Erin
It’s a simple, if a man you’ve been talking to online doesn’t want to meet you, then he’s not interested.
Some men just want pen pals, validation, ego strokes and some are already in relationships and just want to ’emotionally cheat’.
Unfortunately you can’t force a meeting, you already went above and beyond by asking him out when it was his supposed to be his initiative.
Time to unmatch and block or just ceasing contact altogether, it’s not going to happen.
Don’t be vague about what you are looking for. If you want something serious just say so, if you want a hookup just say so.
This helps you quickly weed out people who do not align with what you want and stops wasting both your time.
If you don’t know what you want then you shouldn’t have be on dating sites in the first place until you do.
Not advisable to make sexual jokes with a someone you haven’t met in real life. You honestly don’t know them like that.Boundaries are important to observe and to instill. And if you want someone to take you seriously don’t do that.
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