Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Need opinions regarding sex…
- This topic has 13 replies and was last updated 5 years, 2 months ago by
Raven.
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Dana
So, this is going to sound a bit odd, but I would like some outside opinions.
I am 27 years old and in my life, I have been sexually intimate with three different guys. Each time, it was in a long term relationship as I have never been one interested in one night stands.
In saying this, the first two men, well…. they were sexually and emotionally abusive, and I was practically “forced” into consenting. I won’t elaborate as it is a touchy subject for me, let’s just say there was anger involved whenever I would say ‘no’.However as of late, I have been feeling rather insecure about myself to the point that I feel I’ve been way too sexually active than intended, even at times feeling like an absolute harlot and feeling ashamed of myself. I was one of those who wanted to save herself for marriage, but… re: sexual abuse statement above.
Is this a normal feeling to have? Am I getting caught up in the social constructs that women who have sex with too many partners or very often are sluts or should I perhaps consider talking to a therapist over this as there may even be way more deep rooted issues that I am not aware of?
Help me.
Dana
Just to add in case I offend anyone:
if any of you ladies have had sex with multiple partners and are confident in yourselves, that is cool. I do not mean to imply that you are sluts. You do you, etc.Better off single
You do you. Let go of the shame. That’s what’s holding you back. If you want to save yourself for marriage then stick to it. If you change your mind and just hook up with a bunch of guys if the opportunity presents itself, do it just be smart about it. You do you and whoever you want to.
I’m still working on the whole self confidence thing too. It’s not as easy for some as it is for others.
Ps. Eff society and their hypocritical constructs.
Better off single
It probably wouldn’t hurt to talk to a therapist. I don’t see what good it will do going backwards focusing on all of your problems instead of just accepting what happened, moving on with your life having an idea of where you want to go, and just living moment to moment until you get there.
Raven
Having sex with 3 guys does not make you a slut… Having sex with 15 guys does not make you a slut.
Change your mind set & stop slut-shaming yourself…
Liz Lemon
What Raven said.
Honestly having 3 sexual partners by the age of 27 seems quite low to me, for the record.
I think you should definitely seek out therapy to deal with your sexual abuse. I’m sorry that happened to you.
Anderson
By itself, there is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman sleeping with as many partners as she wants. Just don’t be reckless and catch an STD or something.
What’s concerning is your history with abuse, and the feelings of shame currently. That raises doubts over whether your sudden sexually active spirit is healthy, or a result of not valuing yourself anymore, or apathy. Mind you, a bit of guilt is normal and expected when you go against something that was ingrained in you growing up. Very common when a person’s values change over time. Like when vegetarians start eating meat, there is some shame for a while.
A counselor can definitely help but you can figure this out yourself too
Anderson
Liz Lemon “Honestly having 3 sexual partners by the age of 27 seems quite low to me, for the record”
Low compared to what? Is there a “normal” for how many people someone should have slept with by that age that I’m not aware of?
Liz Lemon
Anderson: I said it seemed low TO ME. Based on my own and my friends’ experiences. My personal experience. I said nothing about how many people someone should have slept with by a certain age, but thanks for making assumptions.
I have one female friend who lost her virginity at age 28, and one male friend who lost his virginity at age 27. Otherwise by age 27 myself and the women (and men) I know had more than 3 partners, on average. Some had substantially more. There is a wide spectrum but I think on average most people would not consider having had 3 partners by age 27 a high number.
Raven
The only people who care about numbers are slut shakers…
Raven
Shamers-
Anderson
You know, there’s a self-contradiction in your comment that I want to elaborate on, but I’ll let it go. I apologize for the assumption. Habit of being overly defensive of OPs on this forum. I did realize after making the comment that you may have been implying something different. But in my defense your sentence was ambiguous and if you read it again you’ll see it’s unclear whether you meant “quite low” as criticism or consolation.
I’m glad for this misunderstanding though. Because it helps reinforce to any possibly impressionable reader, that just like “too many” partners there is also no such thing as “too low” either. And that “averages” mean absolute zilch.
Kathy
Raven, The term “slut shakers” made me laugh.. :)
Raven
LOL
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