Need some advice on dating

Similar to another post from today, one of the most important things to find out when you’re just getting to know someone romantically is how you resolve conflict together. In a case like this, where it results in a total communication breakdown, yes, I’d say that indicates you are incompatible and should not continue to pursue a relationship together. If things are only working well in good times but fall apart in bad times, the relationship doesn’t actually work!

The bit about his family may also be a compatibility issue. I’m with you and agree that he’s introducing women to his family way too early. Either they’re so chill that no one even cares about meeting a new person (can you imagine if you had met them and only 3 months later now he’s introducing them to yet another, different date??), or he’s rushing getting to know people (which usually doesn’t go so well). And while I think you are in the right about waiting and it shows healthier boundaries, ultimately it’s an incompatibility in the speeds with which you both wish to progress the relationship and no one is actively “wrong” because it’s subjective. But I point out that I agree it’s good to wait because I believe you’ll have better luck in the future if you don’t second guess yourself on that or put yourself in a situation where you feel rushed or uncomfortable because you believe it might make some new man happy.

There are better ways to handle conflict than digging in your heels because being right is the most important thing to you both. That doesn’t mean you should ignore your own needs or give in to someone else to keep the peace, but what makes conflict resolution most effective in my opinion is prioritizing working together as a team to get both needs adequately met over being right, communicating honestly, not taking disagreements personally, not acting out of fear that any disagreement can end the entire relationship, and not lashing out in anger about a list of issues any time tempers flare. If you want to learn from this experience, I’d suggest looking up more online about good tools for healthy conflict resolution and communication skills and not worry at all about meeting families before you feel comfortable or ready. Continuously improving communication is always useful for anyone! But it wouldn’t have helped you in THIS case because you still learned that he was willing to walk away over something without discussing it further, so good riddance to him. Hopefully next time you can find a more mature guy!

Not everyone will always understand your feelings, but someone committed will try different ways with you to look for communication that works better. That’s why it’s important to see how you resolve conflict together, because you can learn to do everything “right” but still choose a guy who is very bad at it and doesn’t want to deal with it or doesn’t act respectful when he’s angry or thinks he’s right. And then there’s nothing you can do about it except recognize he’s not the right match for you (and eventually resume looking for a guy things don’t feel so difficult with!).

In terms of the other woman, things might be better for her and they might not be. You really don’t know, she may just be more willing to put up with his nonsense, which wouldn’t make you happy if you were in her shoes. Between his rushing through certain relationship milestones and then acting immature and holding grudges when you had an argument, I don’t think you’re missing out here. You need some more time to process the hurt, but that’s okay. Breakups always suck, there’s not really a way around that. Be kind to yourself. And you should really feel good about yourself that you’re trying to learn from the experience, I think you’re on the right track!