Home › Forums › Did He Lose Interest? › New relationship, is he losing interest?
- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 3 years, 11 months ago by
Lane.
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Elizabeth
Hi everybody,
So, I’ve known this guy for few years now, there’s always been chemistry between us, but nothing ever happened as long as we were both in long-term relationships. Recently we’ve both became single again (him, last spring, me few months ago), and we started to spend more time together. We have a lots of things in common, we love talking to each other, and I can say for sure that when we’re together he seems really interested in me.
Last time we saw each other, we shared a kiss, and we also talked about what we wanted to do with our friendship/relationship. He told me that he likes me, and that he was interested in getting to know me better, but without any rush. He has kids from his previous relationship, and he’s the one in care of them most of the time, so it’s just natural that they’re his first priority.
Now we haven’t seen each other in about 3 weeks, due to all the covid-19 restrictions, and we don’t know when we’ll be able to meet again (for the same reasons).
We never texted a lot, he doesn’t like texting and being on his phone, and I really have a lot on my plate right now. But recently it seems that we are talking less and less and this is freaking me out a bit. We talked to each other for Christmas wishes, New Year’s wishes and few other occasions. A couple of times he initiated the conversation, another couple of times I did. In one of this last texts he wrote me that he was very busy with the kids during the holidays, and that he needed some time to himself to think. He also promised that he would have come out of hibernation sooner or later. This was the 1st of January and I haven’t heard back from him ever since.
I’m wondering if I should do something (probably not), calling him or texting him (probably not), work out a way to meet (seems seriously impossible for at least one month).
I really care about this guy, and maybe I’m just scared that he’s losing interest, or that he’s forgetting about me, considering that we haven’t seen each other in a while, and there isn’t a plan to see each other in the near future.
Any comment, suggestion or opinion is appreciated.
Thank you all :)lola
honestly i think you should leave it for a while and see if he gets in touch. You said he mentioned he needed time to think and he might not have had that if he’s had a busy Christmas with the kids. I assume he is in no doubt about your feelings / what you want? I think if it was me, i’d fine it SO hard but i’d leave it at least a week from when you last heard and then maybe ask if you can talk? I guess you don’t want to ruin the friendship which ever way this goes…but after a week, i’d say you can definitely, delicately (so its not needy) feel him out.
Elizabeth
Hi Lola, thank you for your message.
No, he’s in no doubt about my feelings, we’ve told each other that we like each other, and he knows that I like spending time with him / talking to him. He said that he feels the same way, but that sometimes time-management is an issue for him because of his job and the committments to his kids. He also told me that he needs to think very carefully about having a new person in his life, because he feels that he has to protect the kids (which I perfectly understand).
I find it terribly difficult, because I’m used to see him once or twice a week, also for common interests that we share and that are now put on-hold because of COVID. So this distance feel really weird to me, but it’s reasonably the right thing to do at the moment… also showing some respect for the time he asked for?
And yes, I definitely want to preserve our friendship and I don’t want it to be weird when we’ll eventually see each other again.Zoe
When a guy likes you he makes sure you know it and lock you down fast.
He is not the one.
Start dating otherslola
yes i think that’s the mature thing to do. I feel like men definitely consider things way more than women who tend to just go with the flow. It is reasonable that he has other things going on and that he might not be in the right space for a relationship. I’m in a similar situation and i don’t think its as cut and dry as Zoe makes it. I have many friends whose relationships were complicated at the start and they have turned out well. Life isn’t as simple as a guy just wants to lock you down fast….in my opinion anyway. I would leave it a few days until the weekend and text / call him and just say you want to talk/don’t want things to get awkward / value his friendship etc. Nothing to heavy but just letting him know its okay if he wants to take a step back – but i think you should step back too. Once you resolve this / speak to him, leave it for a while. Let him wonder what you’re up to / miss your company. If he does, he will be in touch at some point. Don’t forget lockdown makes it SO hard too. I’m finding the lack of ‘fun’ dates really tough. Its like fast forwarding to 3 years into a relationship over night.
Elizabeth
I also tend to think that life is more complicated than that. In any case, we’re talking about a grown up man with two small kids, and I’ve been friends with him for years. He’s not a stranger I met at a bar and went home with. I also think he cares about me and our friendship, and that it’s in his right to think about what’s best for him and the kids, like is in my rights to think about what’s best for me.
Anyhow, I’ll do like this, I’ll wait until the weekend and then in case I’ll ask if we can talk at some point, even if we can’t see each other. Yes, covid restrictions make everything heavier, you have to meet at home (when you can), you can’t go out for a drink or to the movies, and relationships are suddenly serious even in that phase when they sould be all fun and joking.
Thank you again and hope everything turns out well for you :)lola
Thank you, you too :)
Lane
I think your 10 steps ahead of this guy and rushing it. COVID hasn’t stopped men from getting into relationships with woman, in fact, its created relationships for a few people I know so I wouldn’t use it as an excuse.
He has a lot on his plate and is trying to sort through it. The holiday’s can be exhausting especially trying entertain children. What are their ages as you didn’t specify.
I agree with Lola in that you shouldn’t put any pressure on him as he’s trying to navigate all of these commitments and isn’t going to be ready for anything ‘heavy’ such as a relationship any too soo IMHO. If I was in your position I would accept that his plate is full enough and let any romantic inclinations go for the time being. Maybe when things in his life settle down he’ll be in a better mental place to take on a relationship which is another commitment that he’s just not able to take on right now.
I know it sucks but I would chalk it up to a case of ‘bad timing.’ Maybe in the future the timing will be right but right now its not. A relationship works best when its developed organically with two people who are in a position to devote their time and energy into it. He’s not in that position and you’re not able to get your needs met because he doesn’t have the capacity along with everything else he has going on.
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