Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › New to online dating…what do you make of this situation?
- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 2 years, 10 months ago by
mama.
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Fiona
Hi all,
So I have little experience with online dating but enough experience with men in general.
So I told this guy I’m not looking for casual sex, he said he’s not either, I told him I wanted to wait until we’re in a relationship to have sex. He said why cant we wait until we get the sparks because he’s sexually active…on the first few text exchanges we made on the app.
Would men say anything so they could get in your pants? I mean he’d say he’s not looking for casual sex so that he can get you to sleep with him. He said he doesn’t mind first day sex if it’s going somewhere and he said he don’t do one night stands where he’d leave…
I’ve been to so many dates that after a few dates knowing each other, I agree to have sex thrn they disappear, don’t know if this guy is any different.
Thanks in advanced
Raven
This guy is full of 💩
Rubi
No man that has any proper intention with you will tell you why wait for sparks!!
I do believe that it is best to make sure you are sexually compatible with someone before getting into a comittment so it is okay to let sex happen before a comittment however, if you can’t date someone exclusively or get to know eachother enough to have your sparks and connection, in other words you feel he is rushing into it then he is just there for the sex.
Maddie
Men on online dating are still men! Would you be okay with a man saying this so early if you’d met him at a party or a through a friend? It is the same thing… he’s looking to sleep around. If that’s not what you’re looking for, don’t waste your time on incompatibility in dating goals.
Also, if you’re agreeing to have sex after a few dates and then they’re disappearing, are you agreeing before you’re actually comfortable? If you aren’t comfortable yet but feel pressured, say you’re not ready yet. If they disappear, good riddance, it’s a good filter to get rid of guys who aren’t serious. A man who is more serious will be respectful of you and when you’re ready for at least a little while (not several months, but more than a few dates). Again, if they’re not respectful about you wanting to know each other a bit better first, you’re filtering out incompatibility.
Liz Lemon
“Would men say anything so they could get in your pants?” YES.
This guy brought up sex within your first few text exchanges! Can’t you see that’s what he’s after?
Please don’t be naive. Any guy you meet on a dating app or website who starts talking about sex before you’ve even met in person — within your first few text exchanges!– is clearly only looking for sex.
Gaia
Assume men expect sex. Know what you want and what you don’t want. If you don’t want to have sex until established then wait. There isn’t a need to discuss it via text or messaging first. Once you’ve dated, gotten to know them then go ahead and have that convo but until then you can weed out the ones that are looking for casual sex or just a sexting buddy. You will weed out a lot of them. Try not to be disheartened by it though.
Just recently I went on one of my dating profiles and “matched” with a guy that seemed pretty awesome. We texted back and forth. Vibe was definitely there with similar interests, etc. I thought hey this is great. The second to last text he sent me was an attempt at trying to get me to sext him. I stated clearly that he was crossing a line since we hadn’t even met yet. He tried to say he was just joking because I called him out. Haven’t heard from him since. At the end of the day, all he was looking for was either easy sex or a sexting buddy. It’s that easy to weed them out.
Fiona
Thanks all,
It’s just so hard to find someone who wants sex and relationships at the same time now.
I don’t mind the sex but I want something more. It’s not that I’m asking them to wait until marriage, I’m asking them to stop disappearing after a few dates of sparks.
Don’t get me wrong, if sparks fly and we did have sex before relationships, that’s okay too but don’t disappear on me…
mama
Give yourself time to suss out their character. That will help you get a better feel if they are potential ghosters post-sex. It’s not 100% accurate, but it helps. Good luck!
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