No Contact after texting after first date

you only had one date with him. He thanked you for the date but didn’t really make any solid plans to see you again.
You can message him asking how was his week and go from there or just simply forget about him.

Don’t beat yourself up! It sounds like you had a perfectly nice text conversation. If the guy was put off by anything you said, then he wasn’t that into you.

You just never know with these things. It was only one date. He’s probably dating other women and may have found someone he clicks with better.

I agree you could send a friendly casual text — just one — and see what happens. If he doesn’t reply with enthusiasm and set up another date, I’d let it go.

I’ve had first dates that were awesome and either he disappeared fast like in your case or he just never contacted me again. Here’s what I know about men: they are great at being all in during the heat of the moment, meaning what they say at the time and then later, it’s like it never happened for them. That was fun, they think. And that’s all they feel about it and they’re done.

I learned to watch what they DO. Are they setting up another date? They meant it. If they just talk or disappear, for some reason it was only a passing thing to them. And that’s nothing to do with me. They aren’t really available, for some reason, when they act like this guy acted with you. So let me reassure you that you didn’t do or say anything wrong to that made him run. He wasn’t ever going to be there with you in the first place.

I go on first dates and then I lean back. If I liked him I make sure to say thanks for a great time, would love to see you again. Then he knows if he asks the answer is yes. Next move is his. I don’t care if he makes another move or not. A good first date is nothing more than a good time unless it’s followed up with an invitation to another date.

Do NOT message him (it shows your cards). Just relax and wait to see if he sets up a second date. If seven days go by from first date and he hasn’t set up a second date, he’s really not that in to you. But that’s OK because there’s many fish out there.

Good afternoon Mel
I definitely identify as a man, and due to helping a close female friend (and having a little time on my hands), I find myself on this site.
All I’m going to say is ….. Wow.
Just – wow.
Some of the advice you’re getting is not the best, Mel.
Just for reference, I’m part of the older generation, I grew up with FOUR older sisters. Watching their lives unfold has taught me a lot. And gave me certain advantages. I knew how to talk to women from a young age.
But I’m going to be totally honest. I’m not here to trigger or upset the modern feminists amongst you, because honest objectivity can do that.
But Mel, if you like him, and you honestly believe that you have a chance of happiness with him, are you going to do NOTHING, and let that opportunity slide past?
It sounds like you both enjoyed the date. It sounds like you like him, and want to see him again. You wouldn’t be here looking for validation otherwise.
So, exactly what is stopping you from texting him?
Fear of rejection?
That feeling, should it happen, lasts for seconds.
Your happiness could last for years.
So text him. Nothing heavy. Just tell him (yes, do not ask him – TELL him) that, for example, you are free next Wednesday or Thursday, if he would like to see you again. That way, you’ve made it appear that you are busy or have options on the other days, even if you don’t. It also means that HE has to decide if he wants to see you, HE has to choose the day, and he has a finite time to answer. If he doesn’t answer, then you’ll know he’s not bothered.
But if he likes you too, he will, then it’s all good.
One of the biggest differences between men and women is that us men live and operate in the real world, while women tend to stay in their thoughts, feelings and imaginations.
He has NO IDEA what you’re thinking, any more than you know what he’s thinking. But it’s you who is here on this forum looking for assistance. I can only message you.
He cannot guess your thoughts. So tell him. He’s not a mind reader.
Don’t worry, you won’t come across as needy.
He won’t judge you. Men LOVE it when a woman makes even the tiniest move, because it’s such a rarity.
You’ll look in control of your life, ‘in demand’, and decisive.
I hope he likes you.
And if not, good luck in your future dating escapades.

Before I learned not to have sex with a guy until we’d been seeing each other long enough to want to be exclusive and had had “the talk”, I figured out by painful trial and error that a guy who didn’t text or call me within 24-48 hours after sex wasn’t interested in me. He wanted sex and got what he wanted and boogied. If they came around after that it was only because they were bored, no other dates were working out and they wanted sex again. No exceptions. One guy who was interested, called 24 hours later to let me know he’d just been handed a huge project at work and was going to be tied up for a week but wanted to see me the week after (offered specific dates, times and activities for me to choose from), and didn’t want to go silent on me and have me think that he didn’t like me. (We dated for 9 months before he moved away and we decided we didn’t want long distance. We are still friends.) That’s what it looks like when they’re for real. There is no “busy” “sick” “grandma died” or any other BS excuse. Takes 10 seconds to text or a minute to call and talk, no matter how busy you are. Longer than 24 hours or 48 hours at most, and in my book the guy is toast. But better yet, just learn not to get yourself in this position, which I think the OP has done now.

LOL Raven.

There’s a sudden influx of people posting the similarly worded “he’s not a mindreader, contact him” and “you’re getting bad advice from other women here” and other odd comments.”One of the biggest differences between men and women is that us men live and operate in the real world, while women tend to stay in their thoughts, feelings and imaginations.” Not even remotely true, and kind of a ridiculous, irrelevant statement.

I suspect from the way it’s all worded, it’s the same person.

Riddle me this fozzie… why has every man who was my boyfriend either called or sent flowers (several men have done that) after we had sex the first time? Yeah, never ever call a man first after sex. Never. And always be clear sex is something you have as a committed activity where all perusing others completely stops.

But, I will throw you a bone… contacting after sex is way different than after a date. There is nothing wrong with the original poster suggesting getting together again. He either bites or he doesn’t. And let him lead from there.

I didn’t read everything you wrote, Fozzie, because it became obvious after a few sentences you were not going to give a direct answer to my question, just spout a bunch of double talk. You’re mistaking your points of view with “facts” and “objective honesty.” I think you’re the one triggered as you’re the one posting long-winded responses. Now I’m sure you’re the one posting recently under multiple names talking the same stuff which FYI is against the rules of the site. Write whatever you want – people here will start ignoring you pretty fast when they catch on that you’re only here to stroke your own ego and be a sh*t disturber. I’ve said all I’m going to say to you, and I won’t bother to read anything else you write, and no matter what name you use it will be apparent it’s you.

Fozzie, I am not Angie baby, and I asked you zero questions. I stated that you should never call a man first after sex.

I love that you say your are objective as though your male opinion is fact and the women’s are emotional drivel. When unless you have scientific studies, your objective facts are rage same emotional drivel as everyone else’s.

I contact men first when they are consistent and committed. And only about 25% before. My contact is a reward for showing up consistently, not a lure to get them interested. They pull back during courtship, I pull further back. Not one man who has ever been my boyfriend did not lead.