Home › Forums › Did He Lose Interest? › No contact and friend zoned by a guy friend
- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 9 years, 8 months ago by
Beacon of Light.
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Brittany
Hello, I posted another forum on here some weeks ago about me and my guy friend and our history….long story short, we met online about a year ago, became fast friends until I started having feelings for him. We both dated other people after we met and after those relationships fell through, I told him how i felt on July 9, 2014(my late fathers 55th birthday) by text. While he said that he was flattered that I mean so much to him, he really wanted to concentrate on moving out of his parents home and getting a new job, which he about a month after that and he moved to Florida for his current job back in October. I know that we’re still friends but things have been different ever since I told him how I felt about him, and the overall dynamic has been changed. If I call or send him a message on Facebook or a text to his phone, sometimes they go unanswered, but on the off chance that he does respond, it’s anywhere between a few minutes to an hour response time to get back to me. But the thing that hurts the most is when I try to talk to him on Facebook, he doesn’t respond to my messages or comments like he used to before, and he talks to the rest of his friends with no problem. I understood that maybe I may have laid things on a bit thick with telling him I liked him and talking to him all the time, and so I’m trying to change it by pulling back via “no contact”; I began this about three weeks ago and want to do this until the end of May. I am willing to believe that I may be also in the dreaded FRIEND ZONE with my guy friend. My desire would be to undo all of this and have a proper relationship with him, after sometime apart. However, I have some questions:
How can a girl like me get out of the friend zone? Give me some tips.
And also, what is the best length of time to go no contact? How did you deal with the extreme urge to want to talk to him and reach out to him before the end of no contact? Give me some examples of how no contact worked out for you guys.Please help as much as you can, and thanks so much gals!
Aries
Hi Brit I kno u said u met him but did he continue hanging out with you or taking u on dates?
I dont think NC will work because I think he just isnt interested in u and ges trying to put a little distance between u both so u can take a step back
When a guy is interested YOU WILL NO WITHOUT A SHADOW OF A DOUBT. He will ve reaching out, wanting to get to no u, taking u on dates, and all that jazz.
I would just talk to other guys and dont put all your eggs in this basket cause you will be wasting your time.
redcurleysue
The purpose of NC is to get your head on straight – not for him to do anything.
Some guys come back with NC and some don’t. This guy may have a new GF and never come back – I don’t know. But I do know right now he does not want to talk with you since he is not calling.
I would leave this alone and get a new life going. In other words I would stay NC.
Red23
Britt – not sure if this will help but I’ll share.
I was in a very similar situation at the start of the year. Friendzoned & hurt by a guy I was really into, and I did No Contact.
The problem (or the best thing) with my ‘guy friend’ is that he’s super-respectful and when I asked him not to contact me & give me space, I knew for a fact that, apart from a medical emergency, there was absolutely no way he’d break that.
I’d already decided we shouldn’t be friends any more, and what I was going to do during No Contact, although I never told him.
I used the first two weeks to mourn the fact that I was going to let him go – the remaining 4 weeks to heal myself. Dropped 10 pounds, got a new hair style, bought some great new clothes, all for my own therapy.
When I told him after those 6 weeks (a lot more emotionally distanced) exactly what he’d done that hurt me, and that I’d reached the conclusion we couldn’t be friends anymore, did he ever panic. He begged me to see him again so he could make things right.
I went in to that meeting in a totally different mental space. I looked the hottest I’ve looked in a decade, and I knew I’d inspired genuine remorse in him. It had become more like a game to me by then, I knew he may just be trying to save the friendship, but I also really wanted to see how he’d react.
When he realised what he’d come so close to losing, he stepped up to the plate big time. We’re not quite ‘there yet’, but the tables have turned, he’s blowing up my phone & inbox wanting to meet up again. I’ve not responded yet, have to reassess how I feel now, because I’m honestly starting to think we would be better off as friends!
It’s still playing out, but I’ve absolutely 100% regained control of the relationship. I can’t guarantee this will work. But it’s worked for me.
Debby
How can you be ‘friend zoned’ by a guy friend?
Lane
I remember your post and it appears your still obsessing over this man and NC won’t help you all if your aren’t using it wisely, such as ending your obsession with him and take this time to focus solely on areas in your life that need improvement. If your still the same person, the one who idolizes and want to possess him, then he will continue to at arms length. I honestly think your in a very bad mental place that you need to seek a skilled therapist for.
What have you done in the past three weeks? What areas of yourself are you working on? How much do you think a person can completely change in one or two months? What’s your 2 and 5 year plan? If you don’t have one, then I focus on creating one and get busy tackling it. Please know this man is GONE, he’s moved away, creating a whole new life and dating girls who live in his area. You are not being rational or logical about this at all.
Red23
If you’re demisexual you have to be friends with someone before you develop attraction for them. So, usually I am already friends with someone before I confess my feelings. I confessed, he didn’t feel the same: friendzoned.
He also did something really hurtful the same week though (which had led me to confess – ‘I found this behaviour hurtful because I’ve started to become attracted to you’)
Hope that explains it a bit!
Beacon of Light
I’m sorry to sound rude but this is ridiculous. This is your THIRD time posting about this exact same situation. You’ve been given advice regarding this guy but you won’t accept what everyone has told you, which is to leave him alone and move on.
You’re not going to have a “proper relationship” with this guy because he doesn’t want one. This is harsh but he has had plenty of time to date you but has chosen to date others, ignored your attempts to contact, outright told you he doesn’t want a relationship AND moved away.
You need to do some soul searching as to why you’re so transfixed on this guy.
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