No contact for 4 days

Bummer. Wait another 4-5 days, do not contact him at all. If nothing by a week if when your last contact, assume broken up.

You where being way to needy! You are screaming IM NEEDY! … He was busy and away, you should of just left him, he dosnt have to answer to you and youv made him feel like he has to, your not his mum, and not just that, you where actuly hearing from him, maybe not a lot but the effort was there, and so he came home ill, not feeling well, and you where straight on the phone telling him he messed up, a little selfish I think sorry! leave him be, give him space, he’s probably still getting better, you will hear from him agen, just don’t message him, let him have space, because everyone needed it once in a while, and let him come back to you, all the best x

If things end, it would not be for that reason, do not worry, and I do not think they will end like that. Just be patient and stop apologizing for the same thing. You did not do anything terrible. He may have other reasons to behave the way he did. But whatever the reasons, you did not step out of line, but if you keep pestering him, this will end up ruining things. It is his turn to come to you.

Hi Boog, I would just like to clarify that he and I are exclusive. We’ve had “the talk.”

Alia, I was worried he was pulling away. We went thru something similar when we first started dating.. Everything was going great and then he became distant and then disappeared. It seemed like it was happening again and I became anxious (probably unnecessarily), but that is why I was worried.

But I find it interesting that Boog picked up on it seeming like he was pulling away too.

Hi Luzinha, I am in a similar situation,my guy was starting to pull away and I reacted very badly.I got very anxious inside and essentially was nagging him by asking why didn’t you text me back? why haven’t I heard from you? you use to text and call me all the time,what has happened? I have never considered myself “needy” as I have always been independent and have never settled(or so I thought). I always have just believed about myself I am open,honest and out spoken and straight forward. However, with my panic feelings like I was losing him and didn’t know what was going on with him,feeling out of control,little did I know that I was only pushing him further away more by MY behavior aka (reactions to his non actions).So I recently went online just like this new mode to find some answers.I came across Eric Charles(The guy that writes these articles here on new mode)ebook called “He’s not that complicated”and ordered it. It has BLOWN my mind on the insight and all I have learned about my behavior and how “needy” I have been coming across,whether I saw myself in that light or not..I have been acting that way unfortunately. For years also,not just this relationship,this has been my problem in every relationship and I never knew it!!!
My advice to you is first order this ebook asap,it is worth EVERY penny and more,remember what you read AND put it to use. DO NOT contact him at all again(this is where I’m at right now also)if he wants you he will contact you,he will pursue you BUT if we keep asking for the attention from them it will ONLY push him further away.I know it’s so hard right now believe me but this is the only way it will work out for you.He HAS to feel like he is winning/earning you,no one wants a free hand out,even if you are exclusive I believe everyone still likes a little challenge in the relationship.To be honest if I ever got to the point where I felt like I could do whatever,treat the guy however and he’d still be there,I lost respect for him and thus the attraction. Just try your hardest to focus on working on you,being happy and fulfilled with your life,doing stuff you enjoy,keeping your “Feelings” to yourself as you work through them. Only show him happy,calm,cool and collected and if you are not in that state of mind when he reaches out be”busy” until you are. No one wants to be around negative energy,it repels people muchless in a romantic relationship.
I can honestly say that it may be too late for me and my guy because I went further and verbally attacked him after he pulled away more and wanted space (that’s how much I didn’t know of my own behavior,how I was,cause and effect) HOWEVER I feel so Empowered now learning what I have from “He’s not that complicated” and although I hope I didn’t lose my guy for good I now feel confident that if I retrain my needy mindset when/if he does come back around OR when I do meet someone else I am interested in I WILL NEVER ACT FROM A PLACE OF NEED AGAIN.Knowing this is the best thing I could ever do for myself and I am so thankful for this information.
That is basically it in a nutshell. When we come from a place of “needing” anything from outr man it’s a turn off,but if we come from a secure,confident “I got this place” making him feel good in our presence he will automatically want more and want to be around us.The whole dynamics of the relationship will change.
I have never commented on these before but have read a ton of them. These articles are so great with insight. When I read your situation I just had to respond to try and help you and share some insight with what I have recently learned myself. How we feel about ourselves is how others feel about us too. Act like A prize and let him earn you again..just like at a fair for instance if you walked up to play a game to win a stuffed animal and the guy at the booth just handed you a stuffed animal without you even having to work for it you’d be like what the hek?? Then imagine the guy saying here,here I want you to have it,why don’t you want it? Why are you walking away? Come back! You’d be like I’m getting the hek outta here why is this guy acting like this? It’s a silly analogy but basically the same thing.
Be a magnet,draw him to you by pulling back,keep your silence and then if and when he comes back around and contacts you,you MUST play it cool like you have been busy and no worries…BELIEVE in yourself,that you got this!!!
Get that EBook-He’s not that complicated by Eric Charles. I tell you I think EVERY woman could learn from it,I really wish I had come across it years ago.I am just so thankful I have the knowledge now and going forward I can use what I have learned whether on this guy or in my future relationships.
All the Best to you~

My bf does this (goes dark for several days) even though he knows I don’t like it but he gets extremely busy at work and that’s where his focus is. The problem is, I really don’t want to be so welcoming when he comes back. What are we supposed to do when they return? I really don’t feel like sleeping with him after he’s been MIA for 5 days.
Luzinha, if he comes back like nothing is wrong are you ok with that? How will you handle it if he comes back?

You are quite welcome Luzinha. I think we all,as women have been in a situation in our relationships where we just needed some advice and a different perspective to shed some much needed light on things. I agree with you it can be scary to be vulnerable and put yourself out there because some people aren’t as understanding as others may be. It takes courage to admit you don’t know something and ask for help/advice. Seek and you shall find right? :)
Our decisions and results depend on putting what we have learned in life into action or if we choose to stay ignorant and keep repeating things that obviously don’t work for us and cause our own heartache to occur. We are responsible for ourselves and what we bring to every present moment,we are the creators of what we want or don’t want—WE MAKE IT HAPPEN.
I am choosing to be love,light,kindness,understanding,content w/ myself,calm and happy etc to my interactions from now on (even despite how someone else may choose to respond bc of how they are) We are always learning,growing and changing just like the seasons.I believe that everything does happen for a reason,even if at the moment we can’t see why. There is always a lesson to be learned or some new insight to ourselves to be gained in everything we do in life. When we know better,we then can do better. When we come from a place of love within, we will automatically radiate that love outwards and vice versa also is true,if we come from a place of fear,insecurity and “need” inside we will also unknowingly radiate that outwards as well and repel instead of attract.
Like Eric has said in different articles being “needy” is a mindset and that was an eye-opener that gave me hope because ANY mindset can be changed. If we put new information/a new way(mode) of thinking into our minds and start acting,coming from that place instead we will see different results.I truly believe when we are the best versions of ourselves we can be(and focus on becoming that instead of a guy) then everything else will just fall into place.
Happy to share with you and please remember you’re not alone in this learning process. :)
Be your biggest fan~

I do not think it is the only reason for sure, he was likely already pulling away but when someone is already unsure and you push them, they will go away for good. You were definitely waaay too needy, I mean the guy still texted you, why have way too high expectations? I do not necessarily always talk more to my BF and I rarely see him but when we do talk it is meaningful. I do not need him to call me daily if he texts once is cool. Certain days we talk a lot but these things fluctuate depending on our time, what has been happening, etc. Being motherly and all worried is a real turn-off to guys.

Yes, Kay nailed it for sure and your post was very helpful to most as a reference. Kate we all feel that way, I do too, after someone pulls away I honestly feel like telling them to take a hike. But we really have to understand them too, how they are built or we will never get where we want to be with a relationship. Yes, you have to be welcoming when they return if you want a relationship. Of course it depends on the situation, if they are unavailable emotionally, do not want a relationship, etc. then you should absolutely just move on.

Fact is most guys that pull away like this unexpected and for this long or act wishy-washy are not relationship material at all but it is also a fact that if you go overboard then you can unfortunately lose the good ones too after a while as everyone tires from it and besides remember to be the prize. Yes as Kay has stated no guy will ever be interesting to me if they act this way so why should men feel differently especially considering that they are built differently?

This is why what matters is you learn about your own mistakes because you can only change how you act, how you choose, whom you choose, how you notice the red flags and how you do not act needy and desperate when you find the right one. Most are not worth keeping but when one is, it is important not to lose them with this behavior.

Zaeda, You are so right. I laid in bed last night unable to sleep because of all this, but at some point I felt like the punishment doesn’t fit the crime and something more must be going on.

I haven’t tried to contact him since Tuesday, and I feel a lot more resolved about not reaching out. The last couple of days were the hardest, but the more time that has gone by, the easier it is getting.

Again, all of the support I have been getting on here has been so helpful. I realize I acted needy, but there was no yelling, no crying.. I explained how I felt. Yes, I could have done things better, but I definitely don’t deserve this treatment.

Good on you! Its my fifth day…the guy in question is in a post war area and we were talking everday…either internet hs gone off or he is severely sick or doesnt want to talk anymore…its hard…but Im holding on too…

today marks four months with my boyfriend from a long distance relationship I am from Arizona and he is from texas. there is a 6 year differences in our age but to me it does not matter. I am a college student and he works in the construction job where is require to work long hours in the sun and has to leave out of town often and meaning he sleepy more, and we talk less and for me that no problem because I know he is tired and he made it clear that he tired, feel pressured by his boss to have this important job done. I wont lie it has been really hard for me because we used to talk, skype, text often. But when he gets really busy with his job there would days we don’t be able to talk or communicate and if we do is once a week and we talk like normal hey how you been, how work and just about how our day went and at the end of call he will say I love you. I will not lie this past week I’ve been emotional and I miss him alot but this week I told myself I will read books, articles just so i can understand what to do when this happens. to help me be a better girlfriend and so he wont feel like I am “needy” he does try his best when he does have a bit for break he will call me or text me or he says call me babe if you want. we do talk about how he knows I need his attention , time and stuff but when he has work is work and . I am now more confident that if he busy or cant not text me is because he tired and wants to sleep, eat and rest. I really love him and I support everything he does even if is tough on me right now. also he was there for me when I was also very busy with him since I was a full time student I was going to morning school and night and were times when I could not talk to him. em I doing a good job? I need advice thank you.