No contact for 4 days

today marks four months with my boyfriend from a long distance relationship I am from Arizona and he is from texas. there is a 6 year differences in our age but to me it does not matter. I am a college student and he works in the construction job where is require to work long hours in the sun and has to leave out of town often and meaning he sleepy more, and we talk less and for me that no problem because I know he is tired and he made it clear that he tired, feel pressured by his boss to have this important job done. I wont lie it has been really hard for me because we used to talk, skype, text often. But when he gets really busy with his job there would days we don’t be able to talk or communicate and if we do is once a week and we talk like normal hey how you been, how work and just about how our day went and at the end of call he will say I love you. I will not lie this past week I’ve been emotional and I miss him alot but this week I told myself I will read books, articles just so i can understand what to do when this happens. to help me be a better girlfriend and so he wont feel like I am “needy” he does try his best when he does have a bit for break he will call me or text me or he says call me babe if you want. we do talk about how he knows I need his attention , time and stuff but when he has work is work and . I am now more confident that if he busy or cant not text me is because he tired and wants to sleep, eat and rest. I really love him and I support everything he does even if is tough on me right now. also he was there for me when I was also very busy with him since I was a full time student I was going to morning school and night and were times when I could not talk to him. em I doing a good job? I need advice thank you.

four months with my boyfriend from a long distance relationship I am from Arizona and he is from texas. there is a 6 year differences in our age but to me it does not matter. I am a college student and he works in the construction job where is require to work long hours in the sun and has to leave out of town often and meaning he sleepy more, and we talk less and for me that no problem because I know he is tired and he made it clear that he tired, feel pressured by his boss to have this important job done. I wont lie it has been really hard for me because we used to talk, skype, text often. But when he gets really busy with his job there would days we don’t be able to talk or communicate and if we do is once a week and we talk like normal hey how you been, how work and just about how our day went and at the end of call he will say I love you. I will not lie this past week I’ve been emotional and I miss him alot but this week I told myself I will read books, articles just so i can understand what to do when this happens. to help me be a better girlfriend and so he wont feel like I am “needy” he does try his best when he does have a bit for break he will call me or text me or he says call me babe if you want. we do talk about how he knows I need his attention , time and stuff but when he has work is work and . I am now more confident that if he busy or cant not text me is because he tired and wants to sleep, eat and rest. I really love him and I support everything he does even if is tough on me right now. also he was there for me when I was also very busy with him since I was a full time student I was going to morning school and night and were times when I could not talk to him. em I doing a good job? I need advice thank you.

I would really appreciate some of your advice and see what others think. Thank you so much. feel free to add or suggest things.

what should I do when he not able to talk to me more days because of his job do I keep myself busy.

Hi Luzinha!!..You’re welcome!..I don’t know you personally but I must say even at a low point you’re still strong!..What you’re going threw is only a lesson 2 b learned..It’s hard 2 smile during those trying times but let’s be clear and try to hold on to the belief that you can never know how to love without ever experiencing pain!…Don’t hold a grudge or be mad at your guy I’m quite sure he’s not the 1st to have hurt you and may not be the last..I personally wouldn’t text him but if it would give you your own personal closure then do what you have to..During this time away from him work on yourself,have self control,so if he does come to his senses let’s say next week you’ll have your sanity and the ammunition at hand to move forward and not hold on to the hurt!..The point I’m trying to make is whatever you do in LIFE let it be about you and never lose your identity!..

You didn’t do anything “wrong” per se. You should ALWAYS be yourself but yes, aware enough to know when you’re unbalanced. It’s not the neediness that I think pushes guys away… It’s where the behavior originally stems from. Which is a place of seeking validation and maybe even the feeling of worthiness from another person. That energy is not only exhausting *BC it’s never ending but it’s also just a heavy responsibility that HEALTHY people recognize and don’t want to carry. Yes, I think in relationships you make concessions but you’re FORCING inauthentic behavior… You’re asking him to do something that he doesn’t naturally feel like doing *phone call over text* so basically he’ll do this to appease you in the future but he won’t actually WANT to do it. So you’re asking to be the gf where when he’s out w his boys he’s like ‘OMG she’s blowing me up and freaking the f*ck out agaaaaaaain’ instead of the gf who’s man is like ‘Alright guys, I’m gonna call J & let her know – we’re here, I’m staying out, whatever the info may be. It’ll be coming from a COMPLETELY different place than where your ‘phone calls’ are coming from. He’s not a child, allow him to think for himself and if his behavior isn’t compatible with your desires, move on.

I came across this blog and I think is Great because I also need advice and would really help me out a lot I’ve been so emotional over a week now. I’ve been crying and mad.

my boyfriend from a long distance relationship I am from Arizona and he is from texas. there is a 6 year differences in our age but to me it does not matter. I am a college student and he works in the construction job where is require to work long hours in the sun and has to leave out of town often and meaning he sleepy more, and we talk less and for me that no problem because I know he is tired and he made it clear that he tired, feel pressured by his boss to have this important job done. I wont lie it has been really hard for me because we used to talk, skype, text often.
But when he gets really busy with his job there would days we don’t be able to talk or communicate and if we do is once a week and we talk like normal hey how you been, how work and just about how our day went and at the end of call he will say I love you. I will not lie this past week I’ve been emotional and I miss him alot but this week I told myself I will read books, articles just so i can understand what to do when this happens. to help me be a better girlfriend and so he wont feel like I am “needy” he does try his best when he does have a bit for break he will call me or text me or he says call me babe if you want. we do talk about how he knows I need his attention , time and stuff but when he has work is work and . I am now more confident that if he busy or cant not text me is because he tired and wants to sleep, eat and rest. I really love him and I support everything he does even if is tough on me right now. also he was there for me when I was also very busy with him since I was a full time student I was going to morning school and night and were times when I could not talk to him.
em I doing a good job? I need advice thank you.

Becca thank you so much and wow I am sorry about that and wow I never though guys can do that and I told him this past Tuesday I need to talk to him and I want to see if things were ok and he said yes he job is to much and that he stress out and I told him ok I get it but also tell me then and there hi or something you know sometimes when I text him on Facebook and he would just read but not respond he lost his phone and stuff and he said he was going to get a new one soon. I just don’t want to be annoying which I feel like I am becuase I want some of his attention and stuff and I don’t want big him and stuff and he told no problem that he understand I also need his affection and love.

I trust him he was honest with me since day one we meet and we try to communicate the best way we can I just miss him time to time and which we could Skype or something but he explain to me that he boss has been on thier back all the time and so stressing should that be a good reason why he only read my Facebook texts and does not respond.

So I wait until he job cools down ?

Selena this does not sound right. First stop acting clingy and needy and feeling that way inside. Stop reaching out to him and annoying him with that. You are pushing him away. Two this guy really does not sound right, he has time to read social media and does not respond. He also lost his phone, a really lame excuse and most likely a lie. You are a college student you said and very young and can get much better options that this LDR construction worker who obviously is not very interested in you.

I stress that it is entirely unimportant to pay attention to little things like does he text this and that often, we should see the big picture, the whole behavioral pattern they are showing us.

Back to OP how are you and still nothing? Take it easy please. I was hoping for a good outcome but I think then this is the good outcome as again if they disappear they were playing you the entire time.

SthrnBelle
thank you and yes I will stop message him and not looking out for him I am planning to so things and not surrender myself around him. I do not want to ruin the relationship.I will look at his actions.

Luzinha, we are not here to bash you. That said it is really difficult when we try to advise and people still do a 180 and go ahead to do something entirely different than what this forum teaches you. This is where it becomes important that you internalize the things that are here so that not only you act a certain way but you feel that way too.

However, I completely understand where you are coming from. It is not that YOU should be worried that you messed something up, in most cases this is not true but it is when we start blaming ourselves instead of just learning from our actions that we start begging for attention, feeling that we did must have been so horrible that it chased them away. This is not true and it is a very bad position to come from. Do not forget that you are the prize.

This guy showed you that you were not worthy. I think that first of all you should not have left a voicemail. Of course you feel relieved now that you did it, problem is that this can easily becoming a vicious cycle because while it relieved your anxiety at the time, it will start building up now that you still may not hear from him. Perhaps at least then you will have closure. If you are capable of leaving it at that. You have to be able to.

I have done this before but I let it go when I did not hear back. I think that sending out an all worried message and telling him you missed him was a bit much honestly, after all the guy has not reached out to you in many days. You can of course ask a million different people and your friends or your mentor or whoever will validate your feelings and then you call. Unfortunately, this does not help at all on the long run because it will not make a man feel for you, it can only help if this was a form of closure to you.

Please go back to NC and work on yourself, try releasing tension in a different way. The guy cannot be the end and be all and the entire world. Get satisfaction and stress relief elsewhere. I know this hurts and I am not blaming you at all, I am just telling you that there is no way to force a guy whom you do not even really know and thus cannot love to be all into you.

Selena, what you are doing is ok but you should not be doing it for him and for the relationship. I do not know much about your background but the guy was making lame excuses to you as I have said and you should be selective about whom you build up a relationship with. This guy is not very likely to be interested in you based on his actions and he is also LDR: In this case I would really let this go as he does appear to be a player and you deserve someone much better.

Andrea very good post in my opinion.

Andrea and Belle, both of you are right. I am back on no contact. I actually went so far as to delete his # so I am not tempted. If this is the kind of guy I am dating, I don’t think he is right for me. This disappearing for a week is hurtful. I’ve never had a guy do this before.

I didn’t contact him for several days and I am coming to terms with the very real possibility he has ghosted me. If he had no intention of calling me the voicemail made no difference. But I felt like I at least tried.

Yes, my mentor is a man, and he told me as a man what he would expect. He said that if we’re both thinking the other is mad and are both playing the waiting game then this is pointless. He said just make it clear how you stand and be done. Now my “bf” knows for sure how I am feeling and it’s up to him if we talk again. There will be no more contact from me. The # is deleted, texts are deleted, and my carrier doesn’t store call logs. So I can’t reach him now even if I had to. I am trying my best ladies. In all sincerity.

Thank you Belle.. I honestly think I am being ghosted at this point. I’ve never had it happen before and was totally unprepared for how hurtful this experience is.

I tried one last time to reach out and nothing. I think it’s safe to say we are over. This is rude and hurtful behavior on his part and I don’t want any part of it. This has been such a valuable learning experience. I’ve made mistakes, to err is human. But overall, I don’t believe I did anything that would qualify as a dealbreaker. This is about him and whatever he has going on.

I realize yhat

Luzhina, I think you did the right thing in the moment. You desperately needed to get things off your chest and you contacted him one last time. It probably didn’t make a difference because he had probably already made up his mind, but at least now you won’t keep wondering “what if I would have contacted him one more time”. Now you have your answer. Don’t contact him again. I’m on day 14 of no contact and while my heart is broken I was the one who put an end to it because he admitted to dating other women as well (we were never exclusive) and I wanted more. I assumed he did too when he came back after six months of no contact. This time when I told him I wanted more and he didn’t the next day he replied “ok Sonia take care of yourself” not the respondse I had hoped for but I got the answer I needed to start moving on with my life. Wish you lots of luck and you will move on from this and it will make you stronger.