Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › No contact mistake
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 4 years, 2 months ago by
Beau.
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Beau
I was in a toxic and emotionally abusive situationship with a coworker. It ended years ago by me going no contact. I told him I couldn’t do a fwb situation anymore. This was almost five years ago. As I stated I went no contact and would tell him to his face I am not interested and he is an a**hole. Overtime we have become cordial. We talk occasionally at work. I have moved on and he’s always finding the next to have sex with in and outside of work. The mistake occurred when he contacted me twice during Corona Virus. I thought it was just being nice because ya know, a plague is literally happening nothing more. I stupidly responded and have pigeoned holed myself again into a fallback girl position. He doesn’t outright ask for sex. He pretends to care to try an pressure me into sex. I AM NOT GOING BACK TO THAT. Due to me responding he’ll take that as I can use her as an ego stroke for when I’m bored or need attention. I blocked him because this is giving me terrible anxiety. At the time I thought it was strange ,but we are living through a major crisis.I am trying to recover after years of going no contact and feeling my progress has almost gone to waste.What do I do now?
T from NY
Adopt a radical self love program which includes getting a therapist to address why this has gone on so long. Also learning to truly love yourself means making a dedicated resolution to live authentically. No more lies, fantasies or make believe. Once you love yourself enough this mans influence, and the interest you’ve had in him, will cease or at least be very, very minor and manageable.
Sandybean
You do nothing. You already blocked him so it’s all good.
Don’t be so hard on yourself for responding! You didn’t do that because you wanted to get back with him in any way but because you thought you had both moved on five years later. And when he responded in a way that made you feel uncomfortable you blocked him. That’s all you can do!
Also, don’t be so sure you know what he makes of the small exchange between the two of you. Maybe he sees that as an ego stroke, maybe he doesn’t care.. whatever. I’m not concerned about what he makes of this. I am concerned that YOU are spending so much effort thinking about it though. While I don’t think your progress has gone to waste, I think you’re not fully past the emotions he can trigger. That is not surprising if he was abusive though! So keep on staying away from him and know that it’s not good to engage with him in any way even if years have passed.
Take care of yourself, keep him blocked, and just don’t communicate with him in any other way.
Elisa
You did the right thing, don’t ever unblock, do like he s dead. No harm from the dead;) good on you you have enough self-respect that you recognize this wouldn’t be to your advantage, you were trying to be civil, Ben was trying to use it to his advantage, you didint fall for it, it’s all on him. You couldn’t predict how he would react and thisnonky confirmed he hasn’t evolved, still the same a**hole. Let him be someone else’s time waster:)
Beau
Thank you, ladies. I did contact him ONCE but it was work-related. He is a higher up and the highest manager who he is underneath was not responding and the deadline was the next day. After that it was back to no contact. I will keep it that way. I am seeking therapy because I still have some issues to work through. Thank you again for your perspectives.
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