Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › No proposal
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 4 years ago by
AngieBaby.
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Scho
Girls,
I used to be more regular here.
We hit 4 years anniversary with my man, still, no proposal. It’s not a mystery, we talked about it and it’s his idea to get married, he likes weddings and big events and celebrations much more than I do, so he wants to get married… at least, in theory.
He never proposed.
Recently, he’s been explaining this by the pandemic. He doesn’t have enough money to buy a ring, yet alone, arrange the whole big wedding. Fair enough, although it’s been 4 years of different excuses so I’m not sure what to think any more… It’s been a not good enough job previously, or too much travelling (we both travel a lot for our work), and so on. After 4 years, and given a lot of serious talk, plans, and so on, but without the actual proposal, what would you think? Am I being too anxious? Or is he being too shady? Or maybe we, me and him, should just talk again?
It ht me today, because our mutual friend just got married (good for her), and she met her husband long after we got together…
Lane
This is a tough spot to be in, this far in.
Who starts or how does the topic of marriage come up? Are you living together?
I remember when my now ex-husband asked me to move in with him and I said “I’m not going to act like a wife unless I am a wife.” He proposed a month later lol.
My current partner and I have been together four years ourselves. I personally have no desire to get married right now but we have talked about it here and there but its not high on our priority list at the moment. I do wonder how that conversation will go: “hey babe, I’m ready to get hitched, so get me a ring, propose and let’s start planning the wedding” lol.
Is he so steadfast on the big ring or grand wedding that he can’t get past it? If so, I would start downsizing it such as “you know, I really don’t need a fancy ring nor want a big wedding. I would prefer an intimate setting with the people who are closest to us.” By making it affordable it may not put so much pressure on him. Next time your at the mall, go look at engagement rings and find one you know he could afford and say something like “oh, I really like that one!” That’s all I can come up with.
I don’t understand the whole big wedding mentality personally. My ex husband and I were married by a Justice of the Peace at the Courthouse and we lasted over 20 years. I’ve had many friends have the “big wedding” just to get divorced. My partner and I want to have it in the back yard on our Ranch with close family members–our children, siblings, a niece or nephew or two and that’s it. Best to follow the KISS rule and Keep it Simple :o)
Anderson
What other excuses has he made in the past?
If he’s someone who is into big events, he might be putting unnecessary pressure on himself to meet his own high expectations. Especially if his idea of proposal is also over the top
Nothing you’ve shared _yet_ implies he’s being shady. And given that your friend got married in shorter time, it’s very understandable to feel the need to compare your relationship with theirs, and feel bummed out. But as you probably know, every situation/rship is different
Personally, I could never get married during a pandemic without feeling like an absolute self-absorbed tool. Unless I arranged it in a creative way where there was zero chances of putting loved ones at risk.
Elvira
Hi Scho
Have you explained to him what you want? It seems that a lot of what you said is what he wants a ring, wedding. Have you explained to him what is important to you? Do you care if he gives you an non-expensive ring or do something small? You can also say to him I would love a big wedding but since we don’t know when things will be back to normal it could be another year….we can do something intimate now and something bigger later. I would also say I know times are rough and you want things a certain way but I just want us to move forward and celebrate “our marriage” and commitment towards each other. So if right now this is what we can do I am ok with it! He almost sounds contradicting because he has been talking about it for 4 years and now the pandemic is just another excuse. Will he ever be able to have a “big celebration” does he have the potential to afford that? If he keeps making excuses it could just be him wanting something he cannot afford just to have the big wedding. If he really wanted to get married this would be the perfect time and excuse to have something small and affordable.AngieBaby
You can fly to Las Vegas or Reno and get married on the cheap. All you have to do is show your driver’s license.
After four years, no proposal… he doesn’t want to do to this. Have one last talk with him and tell him you understand if he doesn’t want to do it but if that’s the case it’s time for you to move on. And then go. Four years is more than enough time. Stop accepting the sweet talk and excuses. A fancy ring and a big party aren’t what it’s about. You can do all of those things later. If you want to get married, then just do it. Or not and move on.
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