Home › Forums › Break Up Advice › No relationship so i left
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 3 years ago by
Rose.
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Chan
Hi Guys, So i was seeing this guy for 3 months. We met online, met up and started dating. He pursued me the whole time. I was never needy or clingy. I let him be the one to reach out 90% of the time and whenever i suggested something i needed, he would step up. It was great! We would go out to dinner, do activities together and so on, I enjoyed every moment of it. We then decided to spend some one on one time together at his place. We played games and was going to bake. He then made a move on me and we came close to sleeping together but just before, i got him up off me and asked him “what are we doing as i want to try a relationship with him” as we get on so well. He then proceeded to tell me that he doesn’t feel he can be anyone’s boyfriend as his job takes up too much of his time and he needs to make work a priority. He also said he’s happy with the way things are. I decided to end it right there and then and he walked me to the train station. I did not sleep with him! I know i did the right thing, i think lol but it sucks soo much. I really liked him! This happened two weeks ago, I think about him all the time and wonder if he will ever reach out to me again. As we left each other that evening, he said, he think I’m really smart and intelligent. What does that even mean? I’m smart but not good enough to be with?? I reached out after to say thank you for all the lovely dates and time we spent together but that’s been it. HELP? I think I want to move on but i really thought we had something. He’s a really nice guy. Thanks Chan xx
girlnextdoor
You did the right thing. Now date others. And why do you have to bother about his comment regarding you being smart? Just because you are smart doesn’t mean somebody wants to be your boyfriend. He still has a busy schedule. Just let it go. Date others. Don ‘t ruin things by texting him again or changing your mind about sleeping with him. If you do that, then you will definitely become very unattractive to him. As it’ll look like you denied him s*x thinking he will agree to be in a relationship, and when that didn’t happen, you are ready to sleep again lol
Zoe
He doesnt like you so you have no choice but move on
Liz Lemon
For the first few months of dating, guys are perfectly capable of giving the “boyfriend treatment” to women they have no intention of making a girlfriend. This guy is a perfect example. He did all the right things and treated you really well. But he was being honest with you. He doesn’t want a commitment or relationship. Don’t overthink any comments he made about you being smart; I’m sure he thinks you’re great or he wouldn’t have been spending time with you, but the bottom line is he didn’t want a relationship with you.
Three months isn’t really a very long time to date. I know it feels like you lost out on something here, but you truly didn’t. A guy that doesn’t want to step up and be your boyfriend isn’t worth pursuing. You did the right thing and you won’t change his mind by texting him or sleeping with him.
Maddie
Timing is a thing. Some people are totally non-committal and want connection but do not wish for a labeled relationship. That doesn’t mean they won’t meet someone else later when they’re in a better place for commitment, but usually if someone goes into something not looking for a relationship in the first place, it’s not about you being “good enough” or even about you at all.
If a guy in early dating doesn’t both say AND act like he is open to a committed relationship, you can’t assume things are going that way. It was very respectful of you for him to be honest and not say what you wanted to hear. It’s okay to ask someone early on what they’re looking for generally (though not an early question of, what are WE??) because I’ve found most men will be surprisingly honest. If a guy is evasive about the answer, he’s not looking to commit. I used to always be too scared to find out if a new guy was on the same page as me and thought asking anything about their life stage would scare them off. Turned out, that strategy wasted a ton of time. I stayed in dead-end situations because I was too afraid to ask this, which gave them all the power to decide while I wondered what I could do to convince them to commit! When I got older and started asking more questions about them and what they ideally wanted, things got soooo much easier, and I learned who to walk away from if I wanted a relationship.
This hurts a bit now but you did the right thing. Be proud of yourself for being true to your needs. He wasn’t that great because he’s not available to you, no matter the reason. Now you have space to actually to find a guy who is excited about you and looking for commitment. Stay out of contact with this one and you’ll start to feel better soon.
Julia
You did absolutely what you needed to do, Queen!
When a guy tells you he doesn’t want anything serious and isn’t ready to step up, that’s your sign to walk away. Otherwise you’ll end up hurting.
Like Maddie said, be proud of yourself 😊
Rose
He said you are smart because he was impressed how much self control you had not to sleep with a man before knowing his true intention. In his eyes he respects you, however that does not mean this would make him want more with you regardless as he knows he doesn’t want a relationship.
I know it feels like you miss your time together and it kinda feels like you ruin things and wish he would change his mind and want more but you rather know his intentions now than him lying just to sleep with you and then fade out. You did yourself a favour. You did the right thing.
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