No reply in 5 days. He's lost interest, right?

i am so sick to death of this whole thing where all of us women are so worried about being “needy” when really all we are asking is to be treated reasonably and with RESPECT.

Look up Amy Youngs dating video titled ” I am not needy, i have needs”

There is a difference!!

Thanks ladies! We are definitely not boyfriend-girlfriend in my eyes. Everything is fun, affectionate and casual but with a view to long term compatibility. I know I should wait until I’m back. It’s just this in-between stage is confusing for me. :(

Gooddancer, I definitely agree with what you’re saying! I’m not afraid of asserting my needs if we’re in a relationship, and I’d be the first to let someone go if they weren’t considerate of my needs. At this initial getting-to-know-you stage I’m conscious not to come across specifically as overly needy/clingy/un-confident etc., and if by the time I return he is still giving me mixed signals then I’ll assert my ‘needs’ and end things. :p

He’s not your boyfriend, you’re just casually seeing each other, and you’ve been away for quite a while so I wouldn’t read too much into the texting. You cannot truly gauge his feelings towards you until you return from your trip and are spending physical time with him. I think he’s also probably busy with other things and he figures you’re on vacation so he’s not going to disturb you too much. If he was the one that was away, he probably wouldn’t want to be bothered by texts all the time while he’s on vacation.

Just see how things go after a few weeks when you get back.

Maria and LH, are you guys serious?? Did you read the same post?

Mandy, you’re on holiday and writing on new mode about a guy you dated maybe a month before you left. There’s no investment there and I don’t fault the guy. You’re simply providing him entertainment with your texting while you’re away. He can’t see you. Why text him so often, anyway? So he won’t forget about you? You should be out enjoying yourself instead of worrying about someone you barely know. Men connect in person, not through words. See how things go when you get back. And if they don’t continue, again, you can’t fault the guy. You were gone for a long time. By the way, so jealous you’re able to go away on holiday for so long! :-)

I agree that this is not necessarily good. I would also not want to be treated this way. If you are important to someone, they will write to you pretty much on a daily basis. One or two days nothing, ok, at this point, perfectly fine but a lot more than that may mean something not good or may mean nothing at all but still it is not necessarily respectful and yes I too agree that women have their needs which does not equal being needy. When I have my needs and they are not met, I communicate them BUT only if it is something really important and the at the right time and right way.

It did happen to me that my BF with whom we are in a LDR but meeting generally so far every two-three weeks for something a few days or a couple of weeks did not call or write for almost two days and I was very unhappy with him. I did tell him that in a nice way and let him know that I was worried as I knew he was flying and also was important to me that he got there since I was following a couple of days later. He understood and never missed a single day since then.

I explained to him that texting only takes half a minute and I totally understand if he is too busy or in a bad mood but please be so kind to let me know especially about something this important. Guess this is a pet peeve of mine but really when we started dating he pulled it also that he called me after he arrived in my city of work by which time I was leaving to travel home and no I did not change plans for him.

THAT SAID and this is important, communicating someone about this even in the nicest way will ONLY work if you are boyfriend-girlfriend, otherwise perhaps mention it later as now you have no right yet. Also, quite obviously it will only work if you are important to the other person and they want to really make you happy. Thirdly, you should never keep complaining and being needy of course, only discuss very important issues to you and not often for sure.

In addition and this is important, total lack of response can be expected this early in the game and before a committed relationship is formed. Unfortunately, and this is the toughest, you have no idea why it is happening. While it may mean absolutely nothing, it could also mean that he is no longer interested and/or got involved with someone. Surely, most likely scenario is that if he was really that into you, he would be writing but sometimes this is not true either.

It happened to me after a few weeks with someone that they too did not write for about this long.- As it turned out also though, he was with someone else-. So, while he was totally into me, unbeknownst to me, he was with his live-in girlfriend travelling somewhere.

In most cases if there is silence for this long, it does, unfortunately, mean something not so great, so be prepared for whatever happens you will be fine, let him contact you and I still hope that things turn out fine for you. Keep us posted please.

@miss_aspiring: Definitely being that girl! There are quite a few men chasing me at the moment anyway, which is a nice confidence boost!

Yeah it’s true, can’t fault the guy when I’ve been away for so long so early on in the dating relationship.

Having said that, I forgot to mention that something similar happened right at the start of our dating relationship, where we went through a month or so of no contact after our first date, and it had no bearing on his interest levels.

Our first date was just a casual coffee date, where I told him I had to go away for over a month for work and travel. We didn’t communicate at all in that month and I didn’t care at that point as I had no expectations from him. He later messaged me to arrange a second date before I got back, and things just progressed really naturally once I returned.

Not sure whether that changes things since I would expect more contact now that we’ve been seeing each other, but still. I’ve decided to refocus away from him and see what happens when I get back – approaching with caution! I’ll keep you updated if I hear back from him too. In the meantime, I am possibly heading to Thailand! :) I’ll definitely make it a mission to enjoy myself to the max.

Men don’t like to text and don’t feel the need to constantly be in touch. It’s that simple! When im away on business my husband only responds to clarify he’s alive and the house hasn’t burned down because I ask him. Apart from that he’d wait until I was home and we could be together again.

It’s not a lack of respect or interest, it’s a different communication style.

Sorry I meant to say that “he has you and only he has you”. Guys will act possessive when in love and will make an extra effort to text and/or call, get in touch in any way possible to ensure that they are on your mind.

I think in this case it does not sound like you are in love yet either so just take it easy and have fun.

In my LDR in the beginning my BF called and texted much less, which increased a lot after a month or two when he made sure that he would call me every day and also at least text a few times in the evening.

There was a time though when after the initial, right at the beginning, emails with music and romantic stuff, he quit that and it happened that he did not call once for two days, for other reasons, but it meant nothing bad and by now if he is unable to call due to say travelling all day, he may send me a worried email to make sure I understand that he is still thinking of me.

Then again not all guys are the same but even the most macho guys have texted me when they were really into me.

Give it some time, hopefully it will develop instead of meaning something bad.

Mandy, advice here is to shift the focus on yourself and be in”the present”and focus your attention on your surroundings.

Wow…lots of different viewpoints. Boy did you open a can of worms…lol.

You have the problem all relationships have – expectations. When someone does not fill our expectations we look for meaning.

My biggest question is do you have the right to have any expectations at this point? I think not…

You are in the scoping phase…no expectations just gathering information. You are watching the person and finding out all about them. You now know that in this situation he does not feel the need to text you too often…we have yet to determine why. It could be a myriad of reasons.

As he takes actions or not take actions it is time to just log that in your book…do not judge those actions yet…just log.

When you return and if you continue to date you should continue to log. Meet his friends and log, meet his family and log, watch how he treats elders, children, pets, note his values, morals, interests, etc. and log and log. At the six month mark it is time to evaluate (if you have continued to date.) Look at what he has done – who he really is – does he meet your standards? If all this is good (not perfect) then let your feelings come in and find out if you love him now that you know him.

Thanks for your replies!

RCS – I agree, I have expectations now, whether rightly or wrongly. I expect that he continues his texting behaviour, and freak out when it changes. I need to get over that and have zero texting expectations again.

Definitely will be calmly observing. Although I’m on vacation, I’m staying with family and have a lot of time to re-connect with friends from home, so that’s why it’s been tempting to reply to him since I’ve been messaging all my other friends as normal. I met him through friends a while before we started dating, so rest assured he’s not a complete stranger that I’m getting hung up on after only 2 months. Having said that, I still don’t know him well enough so I’ll just hold back and enjoy whatever is present in my life!

How about my reply? Would it be rude if I didn’t reply to him for a while, considering he’s just apologised for taking a long time to reply? I feel like just saying ‘no worries!’ and ending the texting back and forth, but wonder if it would come across as rude or disinterested…

Update for those interested: I took two days to reply, only because I didn’t feel like replying at that time. I didn’t acknowledge his apology for his late text since it didn’t really come with a valid reason, so I just casually responded and continued a conversation. He replied soon within one day, and after that, I decided to shut down the texting back and forth in my last reply to him. I basically answered a question of his, and then said that I hoped all was well with him back at home, not asking anything more or continuing any chats. If he wants to get in touch after I return, we’ll see how things go, and I’d approach with caution.

In the meantime, I’m enjoying my connections with other men who are pursuing me quite sweetly and intently, and having fun with friends and family on holiday. I don’t feel obsessive any more, and don’t feel any need to analyze his behaviour in the slightest. If he wants to make effort to be with me, he can, and if not, then I’m genuinely not interested either! :)