No Spark but still wants to date.. HELP!!

I think ‘spark’ is that unexplainable chemistry…

Yeah, I’m not sure about this one because I would attribute a “spark” to natural chemistry. Yes, there’s MUCH more that goes into a long-lasting relationship and some of those things create the solid foundation, BUT I think it’s the spark that motivates you to build and work on that. Did he further explain what he meant by it? Why would he say that only to say he wanted to continue dating? Seems like if he truly found it insignificant, it would be irrelevant to the overall picture, therefore unnecessary to say…?

Yeah, you just don’t want to be that wholesome soccer mom dragging your kids around all day while he happens to come across someone he DOES feel that “spark” with… To me it’s kind of a preparation statement like IF I happen to bounce on you randomly I can say I told you I didn’t feel a spark

How old is he and what were his previous relationships like?

Is he young and dated lots of crazies?

Oh okay so what he SHOULD’VE said is that he’s emotionally numb and no way will he ever allow himself to feel *or at least not anytime soon* because he’s been severely hurt and is probably a little jaded. Men… they don’t really know how to properly assess their feelings. Ha

Jenny

So what should I do???

Well, like you, I’m a nurturer so I wouldn’t WANT to leave him, the compassionate part of me would want to help him recover. It really comes down to how much you like him. I don’t see it being an easy relationship for you emotionally, he prob has some trust and security issues and then you have to determine if his feeling are sincere or if he’s just vulnerable and looking for companionship… I personally don’t think I’d stay. He’s still young. I think he should be single and recover and kind of enjoy that “freedom phase”. How long ago was his break up?

So he’s a young guy who dated a nut and now he’s used to the emotional ups and downs of a dysfunctional relationship for his chemistry high.

Ask him if he knows what gave him sparks before with other girls he dated that he had sparks with. Ask him what about the woman gave him the spark? When did he feel the spark?

And my question for you is that he called you motherly which is great but men like women who are nice but naughty too. They like women who know how to rock various parts of their personality and keep them on a healthy edge a little, bit. All nice is boring, all sweet is boring, all naughty is raunchy. Is it possible that you are way too nice and motherly to him and you need to rock other parts of your personality?

Just know this motherly and too nice won’t keep any man, not him, not any man. You need to get in touch with different parts of yourself, joke back, — that is spark — -too nice is dull.

I don’t know you I am just suggesting this based on his comment of motherly. You want him to see you as nice and hot and a woman who would make a good mom someday, not just motherly.

And putting everyone before yourself isn’t always a good trait, that can flow over to being a pushover and men might see that as a good nice quality but they might also get bored and wonder can you put yourself first too.

Agree with Ivy :) The paradox… Be an angel and the devil in the sweetest little package ;)

First, you can’t change who you are to be right for a man. But you can be more like yourself but for that you have to learn who you are. Are you being you, or are you trying to just be the perfect girl he loves? Perfect is boring, perfect isn’t spark. Imperfection, being vulnerable that is sparky. First determine if you are putting on a perfect girl act, if you are, try to drop it. How would you be if you weren’t afraid to say what you really think, or what you really feel? HOw would you relate, or joke around? STart there, but know that going from motherly to naughty but nice, is no overnight transormation, you have to walk a little on the wild site, but for that you need confidence and to know yourself. If there is somethign you want to say to him but are afraid to say, say it. Say no to him sometimes, don’t be afraid to have an opinon different from his. Can you relate to any of this? You can’t do this all at once, maybe think of ways you try to be perfect and think, if wasn’t trying to be perfect what would I do, say, or act like?

Thank you guys so much, I am putting on that perfect girl front and I need to drop it, we rented a cabin this weekend and are going away til monday night so hopefully I can be me and we can have a really good time and maybe he will even start to feel the sparks I feel everytime I’m with him :)

*for him