Not attracted to anyone 6 months after breakup

It is normal to not feel attracted to others when you are still emotionally unavailable yourself. You are feeling better overall, which is great, but it sounds like you still have lingering fears about relationships and issues with low self esteem and with trust. These probably existed before you met your ex, which is why you were attracted to a guy who wasn’t emotionally safe for you to trust to begin with (he did not deserve your trust as he didn’t put in enough effort and then treated you poorly). It sounds backwards, but sometimes when we are very afraid of things, we seek them out without meaning to as they fit our worldview. You were scared of getting hurt in romantic relationships and then were very careful until you found a guy who wasn’t all in and hurt you again, which fits right in with your fears and validates them. So on some level you can think, I was right and this proved it again, dating hurts! It is therefore normal and no surprise that you are not feeling attracted to others right now while you believe this will keep happening and perhaps it (falsely) feels like all you deserve.

This will not last forever, and there are ways to address it so it stops being a problem and you find yourself attracted to men who will treat you well. Have you ever spoken to a therapist about this? A good one will speed up the process of sorting out your fears, which will help you in many ways including making dating better for you.

Please do not take what this man said as truth! Firstly, people say mean things during breakups that they don’t mean and his seeing or not seeing your value is actually irrelevant to your value. A rolls Royce doesn’t feel bad because people buy Toyotas!

Maddie – I love your post, you’ve just helped me shift perspective on something completely unrelated! Thank you 🙏💛

Smiley, I went through something similar once. The abuse I received in and after then end of the relationship caused such inner trauma, even though it wasn’t obvious to me and I thought I was doing okay. One of the symptoms was a complete disinterest in men for a significant period of time. I actually went completely off them and even when I came across very attractive men they evoked zero desire or interest in me.

This was definitely odd because my nature is happy and smiley and I loved the idea of romance still. In my more honest moments I actually felt secretly sad and heartbroken that I would never find a guy I liked or loved enough to desire to be with them, or the love I once dreamed of.

Don’t worry Smiley, time is greatly healing and this too shall pass. When your heart and psyche have healed, you’ll meet someone and those wonderful butterflies and excitement will be back, I promise! They haven’t gone anywhere, it’s just that your inner being needs You to show up for You at this moment in time.

Do the inner work as you’ve been guided to. It’s worth it, because once your heart and psyche have healed and love comes to find you again, you want to make sure you choose well and wisely this next time round.

Be kind and gentle with yourself, you’re going to be okay and your love life will be okay too. Even though you can’t imagine it now, you will have the happy safe and exciting love life you always dreamed of. It’s your destiny. And the way to claim it is to prioritise Self-Love first.

Fall in love with yourself first. The guys will come later.

How do you date a guy you don’t find physically attractive though? The sex is painful and I just end up resenting them and then feeling guilty for resenting them. But the men I am physically attracted to either aren’t interested or treat me like trash. I’m nearly 40 and losing hope of ever finding a partner.

Here is a mans perspective on the same subject. I had been with my ex gf for 6 years and 1 of those years we were engaged. She just called me one day and told me she does not have the feelings anymore and that she wants to breakup. I was totally broken for the first 6 months, and now have just started to recover. I had made many mistakes and i totally understand where she was coming from. I still miss her gently touches and her love and affection, but long term we were not suited for each other. And my brain knows this but is still unable to behave in that way. Fastforward a bit, i met this Ukranian girl on a medical congress. Smoking hot, beautifull, funny, happy, smiling all the time, and i was super sttracted to her but when we came to the bedroom, my equimpent just didnt work. Ofcourse it was super embarassing, and has never happened to me so i was like WTFWTFWTF!!! She had much understanding for it and after a couple of minutes of talking i could just feel myself getting ready to do it. And we did and it was amazing. It does take a long time to resolve issues people have in their relationships. I understood that my gf left me for someone else and my ego was crushed, my soul deeply wounded and it would take me a loooongass time until i was able to trust anyone just a bit. Sometimes we just find ourselves thinking we are over someone but it turn out that the scars they left are much deeper than we anticipated. It will all be good after some time. You will find someone who loves You and cherishes You and they will keep showing it to You until You finally believe them. And will continue to do so in the future. Time heals all wounds. You will be fine. One day You will meet a guy and You will feel different. Just be carefull out there, there are many man that will use You , the same as many woman that will use You. take care

I hope this reaches you Smiley. It is because this time is for your inner connection (which was lost) to your soul. Not to a guy. That chapter comes afterward.