Not attracted to anyone 6 months after breakup

It is normal to not feel attracted to others when you are still emotionally unavailable yourself. You are feeling better overall, which is great, but it sounds like you still have lingering fears about relationships and issues with low self esteem and with trust. These probably existed before you met your ex, which is why you were attracted to a guy who wasn’t emotionally safe for you to trust to begin with (he did not deserve your trust as he didn’t put in enough effort and then treated you poorly). It sounds backwards, but sometimes when we are very afraid of things, we seek them out without meaning to as they fit our worldview. You were scared of getting hurt in romantic relationships and then were very careful until you found a guy who wasn’t all in and hurt you again, which fits right in with your fears and validates them. So on some level you can think, I was right and this proved it again, dating hurts! It is therefore normal and no surprise that you are not feeling attracted to others right now while you believe this will keep happening and perhaps it (falsely) feels like all you deserve.

This will not last forever, and there are ways to address it so it stops being a problem and you find yourself attracted to men who will treat you well. Have you ever spoken to a therapist about this? A good one will speed up the process of sorting out your fears, which will help you in many ways including making dating better for you.

Please do not take what this man said as truth! Firstly, people say mean things during breakups that they don’t mean and his seeing or not seeing your value is actually irrelevant to your value. A rolls Royce doesn’t feel bad because people buy Toyotas!

Maddie – I love your post, you’ve just helped me shift perspective on something completely unrelated! Thank you 🙏💛

Smiley, I went through something similar once. The abuse I received in and after then end of the relationship caused such inner trauma, even though it wasn’t obvious to me and I thought I was doing okay. One of the symptoms was a complete disinterest in men for a significant period of time. I actually went completely off them and even when I came across very attractive men they evoked zero desire or interest in me.

This was definitely odd because my nature is happy and smiley and I loved the idea of romance still. In my more honest moments I actually felt secretly sad and heartbroken that I would never find a guy I liked or loved enough to desire to be with them, or the love I once dreamed of.

Don’t worry Smiley, time is greatly healing and this too shall pass. When your heart and psyche have healed, you’ll meet someone and those wonderful butterflies and excitement will be back, I promise! They haven’t gone anywhere, it’s just that your inner being needs You to show up for You at this moment in time.

Do the inner work as you’ve been guided to. It’s worth it, because once your heart and psyche have healed and love comes to find you again, you want to make sure you choose well and wisely this next time round.

Be kind and gentle with yourself, you’re going to be okay and your love life will be okay too. Even though you can’t imagine it now, you will have the happy safe and exciting love life you always dreamed of. It’s your destiny. And the way to claim it is to prioritise Self-Love first.

Fall in love with yourself first. The guys will come later.

How do you date a guy you don’t find physically attractive though? The sex is painful and I just end up resenting them and then feeling guilty for resenting them. But the men I am physically attracted to either aren’t interested or treat me like trash. I’m nearly 40 and losing hope of ever finding a partner.