Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Not going back – but ugh this is tough
- This topic has 2 replies and was last updated 1 year, 3 months ago by
Maddie.
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Sigh
Hello Everyone,
I ended a relationship this week with a guy who wasn’t giving me what I needed emotionally despite me very clearly telling him many times for several weeks. He went from hot to cold and back again so frequently I couldn’t handle the emotional rollercoaster. “I like you so much.. I didn’t know I could feel this way again .. I think about us moving in together…” to telling me he intentionally ignored my texts even though he knows that’s hurtful and can’t explain why he does that. Regardless… 4 days ago I told him that he needs to figure out some things going on in his life and that our time is not right now/no hard feelings. I’ve stayed no contact since. I won’t be breaking that because I know this is for the best – but ugh I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss him and this is easy. I’m listening to motivating podcasts, drowning myself in my work, making plans with friends. But he’s still in the back of my mind even though I know this relationship isn’t for me.I don’t even know what I’m hoping for in posting this. I guess I just needed to talk :( Thanks for reading.
Raven
Remember this: “he intentionally ignored my texts even though he knows that’s hurtful and can’t explain why he does that.”
Good for You!
Maddie
Try checking out insecure attachment styles. People who go hot and cold and are too detached from themselves to understand their own behavior tend to have a fearful avoidant attachment style, which makes them very difficult romantic partners unless they’ve decided on their own to get some therapy (it usually does not help for partners or ex partners to tell them they have issues they should deal with, they need to decide that on their own). You’re doing the right thing opening yourself for a new partner who may be a better match for you once you’re over the breakup.
If you find you’re often attracted to guys like this, you may have an anxious insecure attachment style yourself, as they often attract each other. In which case, keep focusing on yourself and not on inconsistent guys, and things will improve.
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