Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Not happy in my ldr
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Ss.
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Talia
I don’t feel happy in my ldr i feel more lonely and sad, even sadder than when i was single.. depressed
We’re engaged, he lives two hours away we see each other every two weeks sometimes more.. we talk less and less on the phone says he’s busy because of work.. (owns a pastry) and even when we do talk there’s no connection no spark.. we still talk about our plans for mariage though, sometimes sex on the phone and then he goes to sleep, every night is the same. but i don’t know i feel like there’s something off
Am i just overthinking or should i stop waiting around for him and get my life on track, what should i do!? Helpmama
The only person you have any control over is yourself. Work on making yourself happier, set some personal goals, focus on yourself and then when you are in a better place mentally, then decide what to do with your relationship.
LDRs don’t usually work out well and if you want to be in a relationship with him, you might have to make some changes in your lives (like moving). But the only way for you to make the best decision regarding big changes like that is to be in a good place, mentally and emotionally.
Take care of YOU, then you can take care of what you want to do with your life. Good luck friend. :)
cupcake
It seems to be you are not happy in this relationship full stop. This doesn‘t seem to be a Ldr issue (two hours hardly qualify as that in my opinion). You don‘t mention how long you have been together, but i am guessing since there is talk of marriage it s been a while. Could you have a one on one talk with him? Tell him your concerns/feelings/problems? Maybe you can work through them.
Reading your post however, i do get the feeling you have already checked out and are looking for validation for moving on?!
If that is the case…then move on! Not all relationships are meant for the ages. some just run their course and i have a feeling (only the feeling i get from your post) that this one has.
Talia
Mama:We’re supposed to move in together when we get married next year because i have to finish college first
Cupcake: we have been together for 4months
I don’t go out much anymore also i don’t wanna see other people for fear of cheating on him, i’m just too used to him being around when he wasn’t working that it left me with a void..
I feel like alot has changed since he got back to work, almost like he’s avoiding me.. i don’t knowcupcake
You do realise that 4 months is really nothing in terms of a relationship right? I mean at 4 months you are still getting to know each other…and you are already talking about marriage?! You hardly know this person
This relationship already seems to crack. It might just be a little bump in the road, but it might be a sign that this isnt IT. I would scale back the marriage talk for now. Maybe you should even take a little break from one another. At least have an actual talk with him what bothers you and how you want this relationship to progress. Bc from what you wrote your relationship doesn‘t seem to progress at all…sounds like a teenage dream that will (hopefully not in this way) end in marriage.
Liz Lemon
I see many problems here. First of all, you’re more lonely, sad and depressed than you were when you were single. That’s red flag #1. A relationship should enhance your life, not make it worse.
You “go out much anymore also i don’t wanna see other people for fear of cheating on him”– what’s up with that? You’re afraid to see other people because you might cheat? You’re so used to being with him that him not being around has “left you with a void”? This is red flag #2. You should not be so dependent on a person that their absence fills you with a void. You should not be afraid to leave the house because you might wind up cheating. Something is very off here. In a healthy relationship you would have your own life, friends and interests outside of the relationship. You should not be completely dependent on your partner for emotional support and friendship.
Red flag #3: You’ve been together 4 months (how much of that was long distance?). But you’re talking marriage already! This is ridiculous, I hope you realize that. I’m sorry to be harsh but even in a healthy relationship (which this unfortunately does not sound like it is), 4 months is too soon to plan for marriage. You’re still getting to know each other and building a relationship.
You’re in college, so I assume you’re very young- early 20s at the oldest. This is red flag #4. You’re too young to be thinking of marriage.
I’m not saying break up with the guy, that’s for you to decide. But I do think you should slow down on the marriage talk. And also really examine the relationship and ask yourself if it’s what you want. It sounds like you have a lot of personal issues to address (the sadness and emptiness you refer to), and I’m not sure this relationship is really benefiting you.
Ss
I don’t agree that LDRs are always a bad idea, some work just fine but that’s because both people are healthy and in an interdependent not co-dependent on each other.
My bf lives 3 hours away. It works fine because we both have our own lives seperate from each other and spending time together is the cherry on the cake not the whole cake. Ldr are hard and not everyone can manage it but if you have no life besides him then it would me never work.
Reading your initial post i assumed you’d been together a while but 4 months??? That’s nuts. At 4 months you are already fed up and you don’t go out in case you cheat on him… can you see how messed up that is??? Truly? What are you getting out of this? If you’ve been together 4 months and see him only every 2 weeks then you’ve only met a handful of times so how on earth are you talking marriage?
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