Not sure what this meant

I see 3 most likely options:

1. Doesn’t want to get involved with a coworker (this has happened to me, he really did come back to ask me out a couple years later when we were no longer part of the same program but ran into each other through a mutual acquaintance… I was no longer interested after so long)
2. Isn’t single but kind of likes you AND likes the flirting so doesn’t want to advertise that he’s taken, keeping you warm so to speak in case he’s single again (I’ve been on both sides of this)
3. Has commitment issues / isn’t that into you. Which could mean he’s not looking to actually date anyone for real (and now maybe isn’t dating during covid) or could mean he likes you but knows he’ll get in trouble getting involved with a coworker because he’ll inevitably not treat you well and doesn’t want it to impact his career (this latter one actually did happen to me!! though we briefly tested things out first, it still got very emotionally messy because he was very messy… there was no career impact at all, but still sucked)

I’d totally let it go and not worry about it. None of those possibilities makes a very good boyfriend. Ball is in his court if he ever wants to escalate to a real date. If he isn’t asking you out for real for some reason, he’s probably doing you a favor because you don’t have to deal with his issues and ambiguity. Or he likes the fun flirting but isn’t interested in it becoming more with you. Which is doing you a favor either way.

Find someone else who is both yummy and available.

Hey guys,

Thanks for the comments.🙂

Maddie – he isn’t my coworker. He works in the same building, on a different floor. I just run into in him on the elevator or if are walking in/out of the building. And he does not have a gf (he comments regularly that he is single). Hadn’t since I met him, otherwise I wouldn’t have suggested a drink. To me, he would have been off the market.

Bougiecat – I met him around 2 years ago.

Tony from NY – I long since gave up on him asking me out. I hadn’t even thought about it until I ran into him again. I was more just asking what people thought about why he would do that (say yes and sound interested, continue to flirt and drop reminders that he is still single and then do nothing).

Not waiting for him. He is merely just someone that I find attractive but I wouldn’t ever bring it up to him. Not sure what pandemic restrictions are where you guys live but we are basically on orders to only socialise outdoors and to stick with our bubble of people.

I think you are correct to think it was bad timing at his end. Especially if he keeps dropping hints that he is single and keeps flirting. I wonder if he said yes because he genuinely wanted to but then did you the favor of not pursuing it because of whatever he is dealing with.
I wonder if he will ask you out down the road. Him continuing to flirt is my reasoning.
You already know that it has nothing to do with you so mentally thank him for not coming to you like a hot mess and potentially hurting you. Lol.

It’s really easy to project by unconsciously taking what you want to see, such as flirting, then creating ‘a story’ in your mind, to find some meaning in it when your smitten with them.

Bottom line, he knows you like him but he doesn’t like you that way, or he keeps his work and romantic life separate. He’s intentionally setting a boundary with you, to indicate he prefers to keep you as a professional acquaintance, doesn’t want to blur that line, hence why he comes up with reasons to not hang out with you outside of work.

I would stop trying to push it. Just accept that he doesn’t want to get to know you outside of work, and its his right to do so. I’ve had a ZERO dating/romance work policy (keep them entirely separate) since I was 19, as I’ve seen the fall out from them—its very disruptive to those who go to work, to witness or deal with the breakup drama. He may have suffered or seen the fallout from it, and set a personal boundary; or isn’t interested in you romantically—either way, let it go, and stop asking him out.

Hey Patty, thank you and yes you are correct.

Lane, no offense meant but you somewhat accused me of creating a story in my head when that is exactly what you just did. I am quite proud with the way I handled it by asking him once and leaving it alone. You seem to have created a situation where I kept asking him and he kept refusing but I wasn’t getting the hint. Not even close. I asked one time. The second time was because a group of us were going out and his colleague and he were both asked to join us. Both times he was very enthusiastic about saying yes. And I agree with Party, he could have easily said he had a gf or he didn’t think it was a good idea – it would have been nothing to do that and I wouldn’t have been fussed. Those two times were about 3 weeks apart. And both times were before February 2020. I have literally run into him 3 times since.

And again, he does not work with me. Lol

Anyway, thank you for your input. And thanks Patty for jumping to my defense. I appreciate it.