Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Not sure what to do…
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mama.
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Barbora
So I’ve been seeing this guy for a past year or so. We’ve had our ups and downs, but mostly it has been great. I feel like we are compatible and I know he’s attracted to me and likes me.
He went for a longer vacation in October and I haven’t seen him for about 3 weeks, but he continued texting me, brought gifts for me and wanted to see me the next day after he came back and everything has been going great, we even started planning going away for a prolonged weekend together (we haven’t been on a vacation together just two of us, only with group of people before).
Something has changed since the beginning of December though, at first I thought it’s just me freaking out, because I have a tendency to overthink things, but it has been like two weeks now.
We usually spend a lot of time together, when everything is closed during covid we switch between our places, but he had no time for me last week at all – he had plans with friends and he said he needed to get it out of his system. We went out tonight with a group of coworkers, he’s been super nice to me, but still hasn’t asked me to spend time with me alone.
He has said that he’s been feeling kinda funky for couple last weeks, I don’t know why though. So I came up with couple of possible reasons:
– 1. We live in Europe and he’s American and can’t go back home for holidays.
– 2. He doesn’t wanna spend time with me anymore, because he found someone else.
– 3. He just needs space to be alone or spend time with friends (we weren’t really apart since he came back from his vacation).
– 4. We work together and he’s been stressed about that the whole time – we are allowed to date within the company though. He still worries it’s inappropriate.
– 5. He just suddenly lost interest in me all together – lost his attraction for me.I kinda don’t know what to do, because I miss our closeness. I was thinking about asking him to spend time with me, just the two of us, so I can gently ask him what’s on his mind. Or just asking him through text. (I’d like to see his reactions though). And figure out what’s wrong, give him space or reassurance whatever he needs really… So I can focus on my own thing without worrying about the situation.
Does it sound like a good idea? Am I just going crazy over nothing?
jeyy
not going crazy over nothing. i’d text, “hey, i know you are in a funk, and i’d like to be supportive of that, but i am wondering if we could meet at my or your place to talk about it a little more in depth so i can understand what’s going on.” or something like that. and be sure to listen.
Barbora
Thank you jeyy, I will try that. :)
Lane
Here’s the problem with your situation. You want your needs met but are not taking into consideration his needs. I too NEED space from my partner or I start going nutso, as too much quite frankly, is too much. Its innate in me to require space, especially when I’m in a funk which often happens late fall because of the darkness and weather change where I need more space that usual, in fact, I can become a hermit for a good two to three weeks during this time.
If my partner didn’t RESPECT (key word) my need for time alone it would be a deal breaker for me. The one thing that is high on men’s list of needs is “respect.” He told you wat *he needed* and if you disrespect his need for some time alone he will not only give you a “respect demerit” but will intuitively pull back even further if you push him and it will start eroding any respect or love he has for you.
You are getting your needs met because you spend a lot of time together. Its now your turn to respect is need to be alone for a bit and go into his man cave. Give him his man cave time and he will repay you very nicely when he comes out, trust me.
mama
If he needs to get time with friends “out of his system”, he probably is having fun with them and wants the space to do that.
Back off of seeking him out, making plans, all of it. Just give him some space and do whatever you can to keep from getting clingy. Reset focus on yourself for a while and don’t assume the worst. Especially during the holidays — holidays make people act strangely sometimes.
Plus it will be good for you to focus on yourself. Independence is sexy. ;)
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