Nothing ever happens

Hello Tam.. I think it extremely RARE we get all the attributes we want.

75% of them .. if we get them is good.

HOWEVER.. I do think.. if a guys WANTS… he can become more for us… i.s. an ok looking guy/fat etc , can lose weight, change his image and become VERY attractive.

Also.. we can change vibes, there’s and ours.. called SELF IMPROVEMENT.. learning patience/how to communicate/be more tolerant/less aggressive/ needy etc etc etc.

So.. someone THAT WAS our 75%.. in time, can become 90 – 95%.

Agree 1000% with you on the “photo look ” thing Serena… some guys just TOO creepy or arrogant !

Yea.. Maria has to Go get her man.

i want a committed relationship… not neccessarily marriage ring done official again. I WOULD wear his ring, do the ceremony, party, dress , the whole shebang… just bot bothered if legal or not. AS long as I love him with all my heart,soul, body gut and head, that’e enough for me.

I expect fidelity/honesty/trust… even if I hear some things I don’t want to.

I want a mature guy.. in outlook/not age.. though I don’t want a guy more than 4 yrs younger than me.. don’t mind older at all.

I want a guy who can communicate and work through disagreements… as life together is never plain sailing.

I want a confident guy who is “happy in himself” and likes his own space a bit.. not TOO much, as I like my own space too. good humour, kind, intelligent.A guy who is equal to me.

I want a guy who doesn’t always agree with me/has his own opinions on stuff/ different hobbies, interests but also mutual ones.

WE must have A LOT of the same values.. re children/family/animals/health, living conditions (together), relationship,money(or at least balance each other out).

I would like us to grow together/adapt as problems/life unfolds.. rather than growing apart…as so many couples do.

I would like a guy whom I can rely on… of course that does not mean 1005 but one i know who ” has my back” I want one that even when he disappoints me… I STILL want to come home to him and make it work.

I want someone who truly is my other half.

NOT asking for much, am I ???? Ha Ha Ha

Serena, I think the reason why that pic (and he, in reality) draws you in is because he manages to look super hot, “bad”, mysterious, masculine, strong, intelligent and nice/kind at the same time.

If you measure his face it probably says 1,618 (the golden ratio) in every single direction too…

Plus he goes straight through that camera lens (he should stop singing and be an actor instead)…

Anyhow, I’m just gonna go with the flow. I’ll meet him cause I’m attracted to him… I have no expectations whatsoever. What will be will be…

I know he doesn’t want to give up his freedom, and in a way (many ways) I don’t want to give up mine either. It may sound strange but there’s a compatibility in that on several levels.

Tam, have an ideal in your head but be open to alternatives. Don’t be afraid to try something new, if you don’t like it you can always go back to your ideal…

Harley, I LOVE that you’re so passionate about this. I too find it very interesting and fun to discuss…

Vi, what kind of relationship do I want?

With the right guy I will definitely go all in – house, marriage, kids, everything.

Untill I meet “the one”, I will either be single, in a casual relationship, or in a bf/gf relationship that has no long term plans.

Harl, provided the guy is single, for me the first red flags are not about his background – it is all about how he treats me.

– Does he initiate contact regularly?
– Does he make plans in advance?
– Does he make an effort with planning the dates?
– Does he let me set the pace?
– Is he playing it warm? (As opposed to playing it cool or hot [fast forwarding])

Obviously background is important, but if a man demonstrates consistently through HIS ACTIONS that he is playing it warm, he is actually demonstrating that he is mature and ready for a relationship.

Thanks Harley and Maria for your answers. And thanks Serena for yournice words.

I think I want to be attracted from the get go, so I guess I need to find him attracting physically and his way to be/behave. I don’t wanna try with someone I am not fully attracted to. I am wondering if it s good. …

Violet, I am in the same feelings and find it good that you ask to resolve it. We can do it by emails. I let you start as you initiated.

Good Morning All <3

Vi, your relationship dreams/plans sound awesome. They will come true, I’m sure of it… and it’s soo true that how a man treats you totally reveals his intentions (as well as his personality).

Harley, would I go against red flags? – It totally depends on what kind they are. For example, other people’s opinion/approval has never and will never be a red flag for me… and in many/some cases trying and failing is better than not trying at all. Trying often leads somewhere, whereas not trying can either lead nowhere or be a wise decision, depending on the situation.

The lie to the German was probably a little too much… but I totally get why you did it… I tell guys all the time (when they ask for my number etc.) that “I’m kind of seeing someone”. It feels so much better saying that instead of “no, you can’t”.

Re hot guy, he’s 6 years older than me, do you guys think that’s (too) much? (I don’t, for me confidence, masculinity and “wisdom” is soo important, and guys my age usually don’t have tons of that)…

Hi Maria, I lied to an American ABOUT the German. but yes.. no more lies.. too hard to keep up wuith them anyway.

ha ha ha.. I love your detective work and style !!! GO GET HIM. 6 years age difference is not much… I think MOST guys are not as mature as us anyway.. so he’s really onlty 2 yrs older than you !

Yes.. I shall see re Frank’s red flags….separation and wanting more kids… wanting more kids is a BIG one !Separation not so much.. as he will either go back to her or NOT. I am a BIG believer in trying and failing.. I live with myself, have no regrets and usually LEARN something in the process.

Beautiful day here.. timeto kick ass on some houses !

Morning darlings,

Just wanted to send quick hellos and hugs. Back to the grind today.
Maria, you’re correct about his photo he does look like all those things rolled up
it’s quite intriguing. ;)

Harley / Vi loved your descriptions about relationships what I want is a combo of it all. As for red flags I think I’ve learned now to trust my gut if sometime feels off and not try to rationalize it. If it’s not right it’s not right. I also think it depends on the red flag is it something that’s more my own hang up that I’ve made a red flag that really isn’t. I don’t know. Is it fair to say the red flags depend on the man and characteristics/variables about him?

In addition to treatment as you ladies have mentioned for me it’s not just how he treats me but ppl in general I.e. Wait staff at a restaurant, an elderly walking across the street. Inevitably, the way he treats these ppl will be you one day once he stops trying to just impress and starts getting comfortable with you.

This week will be crazy for me so if I don’t post as much I haven’t forgotten you girls. I truly love our chat thread and what it’s become. I wish you all a fab day. :D xoxo

Oh and one last thing, I think it’s easier or maybe even kinder to say you’re seeing /talking to someone else to let someone down or create distance between you and a stalker/ pest. Ok ok I’m going now. Hehe.

Hi Ladies,

So much to catch up on …

Vi – love the tats idea :)

Maria – Pic pls ……

Tams – Nice to hear from you ….

Harley – Hows the house hunting going on??? You are doing some courses too right?

My weekend was good and not so good.

Saturday guy – turned out to be a creep and he did not have any kind of creepy vibes. He jumped me in the parking lot after we said bye to get some action (wandering hands and all). I was literally “No, get away from me” and loudly. Don’t think he would have done it if I was not loud as I think he was more scared of other people hearing than that he was doing something that the girl did not want. And he was like “Sorry that happened” and then he wanted to kiss me to make up. Are you freaking serious??? Bloody a**h**e!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday guy – was fabulous. Totally gets my sense of humour. Most of our values, dreams meet. We like a lot of the same things except he is into sports and I am not. He asked if I would like to go for dinner on the next date but he has not set a date yet. So basically a good experience. However, he smokes like 1 cigarette a day. So I am not really sure….. However, he is also a good contact for my work so I am in literally two minds if I should contact him for stuff work related. But what if we begin dating then and it doesn’t work out, wont that get weird??

New guy contacted me to ask me how I was doing. I took his call and he apologised for the way he broke things up and that it was a big mistake on his part. I told him it was a mistake to break up over text because that was quite disrespectful esp when we had shared a lot of things but you are right, we are way too different so its all good. He was indirectly hinting at dating again and I told him that I don’t want to date him anymore as what’s the point of dating someone you don’t see a future with. I did mention though that FWB I am not sure, I will think about it ….. Thoughts ladies????

The only thing I am thinking abt the possible FWB guy was that FWB is just sex right and in that field I need experience and he can teach me quite a bit. Also the way he broke up and the photo of his ex will keep me on track. But I have not made any decisions. I am anyway really busy this week and next. I am meeting 1st FWB to celebrate his and my birthday on the 16th so will think on that then. I have not said yes to either guy. In the meantime lets see if the Sunday guy steps up and plans a dinner date as he mentioned and I have been talking to another guy who was sick this weekend and so could not meet but very religiously calls and messages me. Lets see where that goes.

When we spoke (even though he was sick), he sounded really stuffed up so not righting him off yet. And I dont want to be around sick people and get sick for my daughter’s and my birthdays so that’s good that he cancelled. If he had passed anything to me, he would have def been a right off.

The Sunday guy works too much IMO so lets see if he steps up to date or something bec I am not avbl to meet every weekend so he will have to step up during the week to meet too.