Nothing ever happens

I’m fine Serena, I hope you’re fine too <3

Harley, I love it that you’re so positive, and yes, inner happiness is key to… everything (good) really.

I totally agree with Christian Carter that we should be real and honest and speak our mind – and that there’s a right and a wrong way to do it – and (IMO) it’s not only important WHAT we say, but HOW we say it too…

Vi, as for the “I was paranoid about not seeming interested”, can’t you just follow/show what you FEEL – if you are really interested – show that, and if you’re not – show that!? And if you don’t like what some rude yoga girl says – TELL her etc. etc. etc.

Perhaps you should just start being real and honest with people and not give a hoot about the consequences!? Do you think you can do that?

Hey Serena <3

I’m in the hairdresser now and typing on phone so please forgive typos, lol.

Re. Changing together. I do believe people can change, but its very rare to hear of couples who broke up, had time apart, and got back together. Its possible, but most of the time couples break up, and sooner or later replace each other. They probably keep changing down the line, but with different people. I think when you meet someone who you can change with – at the same time, then you don’t need to break up. This it’s just a theory btw.

My response to dates: “yeah, definitely!!! Songs great!!!! :)” lol. Funny thing is, when.i answered like this I could tell that a lot of men didn’t believe me, which made me think I needed to be MORE keen. But now I realise that they thought I was being fake. And then other guys probably sensed I was desparate.

Im only okay at the moment tbh. My depression kind of came back a month ago. Ive been feeling low, exhausted, sleeping badly. Its an emotional rollarcoaster as well as I vacillate between deep grief, rage, insecurity and neediness. I think.I’m feeling better now, but its hard to know. The most recent contact with S. really threw me.

When.I’m in these states I feel really broken and I wonder if ill ever be fit to have a relationship. Cos I know that this is a condition I have to live with… Its not going away. I am simply trying to learn to manage it.

I’m currently in London Harl :)

Maria, the problem with the guys I was actually interested in was that I WAS being honest! I realise now that I’m desperate, and when I said yes to their dates, it was with the weight of that desperation behind me. With guys I like I actually need to play it a bit cooler.

With the ones I wasnt interested in I said yes anyway… wanting to give them a chance… but was so enthusiastic it came across as fake… because it was!

The problem with situations like that yoga girl is that my boundaries are so weak that sometimes I don’t clock that someone’s out of line until after the fact. I’ve become a lot better at measuring my feelings now, but I still miss it sometimes.

Oh I have not been drinking much at all. I drank 1 glass of vodka on Friday after about 2 weeks. And 2 weeks ago drank bec I was at a bachelorette party and we were all drinking so it wasn’t because I was feeling low. I don’t know if it was that I got used to being around people (parents) and was alone for the 1st time in weeks. The guy and I did not make plans to meet and then of course he was not avbl when I wanted company and none of my friends were avbl too and if all that together got me low. The funny part though I was looking forward to this alone time and then found it weird that I was feeling low rather than enjoying it.

He did message me today morning though to find out how I was doing so I guess I did not give him a panic attack.

I was also wondering if it was the side effect of the birth control pills I have been taking.

Thinking back to my married life though, I always had people around me but always felt alone so I don’t know if I was just feeling that or what was the case.

Hey Vi, I love going to the hairdresser always makes me happy. :)

Hope it’s nice and relaxing for you.

Thanks for sharing your theory on changing and it too makes sense. I guess it really depends on the people involved.

I think maybe the guys didn’t believe you because you didn’t believe in your own response, bec subconsciously you maybe didn’t want to go out with them and it came across in your voice and the energy you put out there. I have been like you in the sense where I would accept a date even if I wasn’t into it and now I don’t bec I think what’s the point if I’m not into this the person can sense this too. It’s the vibe being emitted.

I do think you’re being to hard on yourself about whether you’re fit to be in a relationship. It’s good that you are recognizing what you want to fix. I’m certainly not an expert and I know how hard it is not to think of someone that you were with, but I do believe you can overcome this. You need to try train your thoughts and not give him too much power. Every time you think of him – take a mental pause and redirect your thoughts. Start picturing the relationship you want and it will help you see it’s not with him. He is not your ‘prince’. Perhaps it’s easier for me bec of the distance I wasn’t with him for the length of time you were and I don’t have to the potential to run into him.

Do you think your depression is down to the contact with S? Or is there something else bothering you?

I think with regard to setting boundaries it can be difficult if it’s something you’ve never done. Like me, but I am doing it now and I can honestly tell you it works you’re overall state of mind changes. You’re happy bec you’re no longer doing something to please someone else. You’re not looking for validation from someone else. The validation is within you and you portray a much more confident person. I know it works bec I’m doing it and people haven’t taken it negatively and the ones that do don’t belong in my life anymore. Once you do it you will feel empowered but you have to want to make that change for yourself and realize that your job isn’t to please people. I think when we think it is our job we become resentful when they don’t respond the way we want.

Vi, next time you meet a guy you’re attracted to will you do it all differently? Will you not act desperately? And next time you’re in a rude yoga girl situation, will you tell her off?

It’s pretty easy not to act desperate – I just need to be more subdued and a bit more coy when I say yes.

Maria, the men responses will be easy to change now that I’m aware of where I was going wrong. In my blindness I kept making the same mistake – being too enthusiastic. And I could sense the guys didn’t buy it, which made me act MORE enthusiastic… which was counter productive for the ones I really wanted to date, lol :) Oh well – plenty more to experiment with.

With the yoga girl situation… I realise now that I have to be quite vigilant of when people are crossing those lines with me. I try to be vulnerable with everyone I meet, and it’s finally hit home with me that I should not be vulnerable with people unless they earn that trust. I know you’ll understand what I mean when I say this – but I feel that I’ve been walking around “naked” energetically. My energy field has been totally open… And I wondered why I got so exhausted all the time! I realised now what it means to provect yourself energetically… I need to wear that cloak and armour that many people automatically have. Especially in a place like London, which is quite hostile on the surface.

Serena, weirdly, I don’t even want S. back. I think what makes me so upset is when I think about how much I loved him. I never felt that depth or intensity for anyone before… and it makes me sad. I’m not sure why. Maybe because he rejected that love. Maybe because I threw it away. Maybe because it absolutely devastated me, and I’m still not seeing any positive consequences of it yet. I am in my life in general – but not in my love life.

The depression is a life long condition. I actually thought I had overcome it, but I relapsed in the last month, and after 10 years of battling it, I’m finally accepting that this is a condition I’m going to have to live with, and if I ever want to have a partner who accepts me for who I am, I need to learn to accept this condition and find someone who can handle me getting like this.

I think I’ve been afraid to get close to someone because when I’m in those states I’m extremely fragile and needy, and being rejected at those low points is very detrimental to me. I cry hysterically and think about suicide. My ex LTR couldn’t cope with it. So I was afraid to get into another relationship until I was fixed. But now I’m starting to realise that I might never be fixed… and instead, I need to find someone who can love all of me. There’s a lot of good… but the bad is scary.

In most cases depression is due to a chemical imbalance in the brain or/and a hormonal imbalance. It can be treated in many ways, and doesn’t have to be a life long condition at all…

I know you’re interested in this kind of stuff Vi. Have you done some proper research in the area?

Vi, what about the brain imbalances?

If your levels of melatonin, serotonin, noradrenaline and dopamine are off, it often leads to mood problems, depression and insomnia.

Essential fatty acids are also extremely important to the brain…

Gluten/other allergies can cause/worsen depression… as well as thyroid issues…

There are so many causes for depression and soo many treatments that can help… please don’t give up and believe that you have to live with it for the rest of your life…

To answer you question – I’m 26.

Nope, no family members suffers from it…

I guess I just have a huge interest in health (in general, not just mental health). I work in the health field (with nutrition) (and I do healing and a little acupuncture as well).

I’ve always been into sports and looking (yup, I’m vain) and feeling good etc, and eating right and taking the right supplements is extremely beneficial for that.

May I ask what “diet” you follow/what kind of food you usually eat? (I’m just curious and totally understand if you don’t wanna talk about it).

And yes, really sad about Robin W…

Hi all.. I know nothing about anything .. except DRINK.. being Irish so, I can’t contribute much here except to say Vi.. Serena is dead right. YOU ARE a lot stronger than you think.

Sherri – I’m sorry to hear that, what happened? Is this the new dude you were dating?

Ha ! she has a new date already ! But yes.. she’s a tad( bit)offf kilter.