Nothing ever happens

Harley….hospice is end of life care. Celeste, they are going to try in home, and see how it goes, they will have a hospital bed, etc… all set up.

Thank you for the kind words……he is going to go through this transition with grace, so we will do that too, for him.

Ok girls I need some advice re M.

He has been pretty good with the chasing – calling/texting and trying to meet when our schedules match up. He has been really busy as he is doing multiple jobs. Majority of his jobs he hopes will be done by the end of this week and then he will only have 2 jobs which will not have his schedule really crazy – one during the week and one during Sundays.

I have been keeping in contact because besides enjoying the attention, he is fun to be with, I like his personality, and I am attracted to him.

That being said I am being quite analytical today and thinking about this. He used to live in my city. About 4 weeks ago he moved to this town which is about 1 hr away (in ideal traffic). He just bought that house and he seems totally in love with it. He works in my city. His parents and siblings live quite close to me.

So I am wondering if there could be any kind of future here at all? Because of my custody schedule I have to live in my city or farthest at the border. I am not able to move to where he is. From the way he talks about his house, there is no way it looks like he is going to move back to my City. So what would that mean if there is anything for us? Is it wise to even pursue this as a viable future potential candidate? Or think about this as a potential FWB?

Right now I am just going with the flow. But I am wondering if I should just stop thinking about a future with him and keep it casual and PG-13 that’s it. Though he has said he is looking for a relationship, his attitude tells me that he is going with the flow.

I don’t really want to stop seeing him. But was wondering if I should start putting some kind of distance between us and reduce the number of phone calls and chats that we have? Advice ladies???

I agree with Harley – you’re overthinking this.

Every relationship requires compromise. It may be that he moves to the city until your children are grown, renting out his home with the knowledge you will move there eventually. He may decide he loves you more than that house and devote himself to being with you…it’s too early to tell right now. Cross that bridge when, and if, you get to it. Heck, you could decide a month down the road that he’s not the one for you!!

For now, enjoy his company, the conversation, and the chemistry.

When we date multiple men, we do so for different reasons. I’m attracted to the men I’m dating for VERY different reasons. One is more refined, cuts a suit rather well…can accompany me to professional functions. Another is a bit rough around the edges, and totally fun to be with (I can let my hair down). Yet another is younger than me, and I can revert back to my 20s now and then – forgetting I have 2 careers, a child, a home…and all the other responsibilities of life. I could go on :)

Give M a chance…he’ll either step up, or he won’t. See what happens when his time is freed up after the holidays…

Maybe you could add another distraction to the roster…?

I think….you think too much. I get completely confused with which guy is which. too exhausting for me.i like my life fairly simple.

Sherri,
I agree with Harls and think that your lack of control in your marriage leads you to feeling the need for control of every interaction and outcome.
I struggled with that too once I found someone I really liked and over thought my relationship with R. Feel that was the part I played in our break up.
I have control issues in general, so planning the future.. am I wasting my time thoughts creep in, but then I realize that life give us no promises.
I just lost a dear friend to cancer at the age of 59.
So try to enjoy the wonderful opportunities life gives you today, always bring your best to every relationship and have hope in a kind universe.

Celeste – I guess its also because dating here is very very different from what I am used to back home. I did think that I was doing quite good at letting go the outcome. But I am realising that I am not doing so well. Also when a guy confuses me I so do not like it. I guess because also my bf from before my marriage was very very clear that he liked me and I had no doubts about it. Also there was never any pressure from him and from society there to get intimate or anything. It took us 5 months of dating to just hold hands …. get my drift …. And we never ever had sex and I was 20 years already.

I knew without a doubt with FWB that I didn’t want a future with him but that I wanted to get physical with him. I had put sex off the table with him and only when I felt really comfortable did we have sex. With P he told me right in the 2nd week of dating that he wanted me to be his gf but I was the one who was not ready and it also helped that he was willing to wait however long it took for me to be ready.

While I find I love sex and love to make out, I do get a bit anxious if something progresses more because I know the guy is looking for intimacy. I know myself that I would never be pressured to do anything I don’t want to do and if he does, he gets his walking papers. But I guess in my mind I am like do I want to go there, don’t I want to?? Also because of the number of times my ex rejected me, even though FWB and P loved me in bed, I still have the insecurity that I may not be good in that aspect. And I don’t really think therapy can solve this as I have tried it. Its just an unreasonable fear.

The number of cases on this website of guys going MIA doesn’t help either. It helps me weed out the wrong guys but then it makes me put barriers up for the right ones.

I am going to meet M today and try to go with the flow but I am definitely going to slow down the pace and see if his actions match his words.

Cool saying ! another one is.. A clean house…is a sign of a wasted life !! ooh…..I’m feeling ALL intelligent today. .bet it won’t last. back to idiocy soon.

Hi girls.

Ann, sorry to hear your father is declining. Stay strong huni x

In response to Ann’s comment about creating a fake online account, I did that a few years back. Made a fictitious woman, lonely housewife, husband that worked away, was just after sex….

Got 60 messages in half hour! 800 over two weeks! From single men, to married men, to men I was messaging on my genuine account that told me they were single and told fake account they were married so would be discreet! Some of the married men I actually knew in real life. They shit themselves when I responded to them by their first name. They had no idea who I was obviously! My only photo was a cleavage shot from my ample sized friend!!

It shocked me though just how many men are out there doing this behind their wives backs!

At the moment I have no desire to partake in online dating again! Did it for 2yrs!

My update…

Finished a painting finally, for a friend, so little bit of extra cash for me for xmas :-D

All seems to be going well with new guy. Saw him Sunday. Our inner child came out as we ended up having a play fight and rolled off the sofa and onto the floor tickling each other for about 15 minutes. By the time we finished my dress was aall pulled up around my waste and I broke my bracelet and beads were everywhere!! It was very funny! You wouldn’t think we were both 41!

Had made rough plans to see him tonight, but nothing confirmed. We text last night and he still said he was free. But as yet he still hasn’t confirmed a time. My guard is up. I will not text him!!! If I dont hear I will not go.

I’m so wary now of behaviours.

Have also had some deep and open chats with the ex over the weekend. Its been good to get a lot of stuff out in the open.

Thanks Ann, that’s something to think about for me too.

Right now I am at a crossroads – Do I want to get more experience in sex and just forget about dating for a long term relationship or should I let go off sex and focus on dating for long term relationship.

Luckily, I am no longer in a sex ditzy that I was earlier this year. So when FWB can see me like once every 2 weeks or more, its no big deal. That being said, though he gives me lots of pleasure, I find I want to try some new stuff which our time constraints don’t allow us to.

Also all the stories here lately about getting herpes etc. etc. makes me scared of seeking out any new guys.

I am also filling up my free time with going for meet up groups, meeting friends, catching up on my TV shows, going to the gym etc. But I guess what I am craving is just cuddling with someone and watching TV or cuddling and just sleeping. P and I did that quite a lot. He loved cuddling and I did too. So IDK am I going thru withdrawal because I am not getting much cuddling except the once in a two week thing?

Sherri I love cuddling to and just resting by my guy. It is one of my favorite times. I don’t think I could do FWB’s though because I just want to be monogamous with one guy. I am to afraid of STD’s.

Sherri,
There a ton of shits out there, but I guess I always went into dating with a WTH attitude as I was not expecting to get into another relationship. And yes, I did have sex (protected) too soon with a few, but then it was me that bolted.
It is a growth and learning process.

Harls.. lol. Yes. Was so mopey yesterday and now rain and sleet today, I am TRYING to be above all of it and mature. Started new diet and exercise routine today.. so maybe lack of carbs finally leaving me a bit clearer lol.

BC,
I do not see you being wary, as knowing what DOESNT work, ie blowing up his phone or filling in when they do not step up.

I find it weird that I never asked J to call me more (instead of texts), but when I stopped texting him after work (if I had not heard from him all day), he stepped up and now calls me almost every night on his way home when he closes the store.

Ann,
I like your comment. It makes me think about all of the advice we give each other, keep busy, date others, go out with GF and I agree with that to some extent. However if we do not make space for each other and allow ourselves to want, yes, even need that person in our life , then how do we get past the interchangeable rounds of BF/GFs?
I want to again know that I am secure with this ONE man in my life, not just another “as good man.”
Ok.. all the healthy food and green tea are getting to me.

I did get to see new guy. :-D he text once he’d finished work, asked what we were doing tonight. I said I didn’t know if we were meeting as he hadn’t responded to the question about time yesterday. But he had an explanation and came over to my house. Which was great. He puts effort in to come to me which makes a nice change.

I do really like him. When I dont see him for a couple days f.f creeps back into my thoughts, but once with new guy again then I think yeah, I really like him.

And he kisses so lovely…..