Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › OLD is initial messages an indicator of
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P.
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P
Hi just wanting opinions. If your initial texting conversations with someone is lacking energy on a dating app is it a sign that there is no point in meeting?
I tend to be drawn to people that can have quick funny banter. I’m just getting back online and wondering if it’s worth keeping a conversation going in the interests of meeting them if things are a bit shy on their side ? They have said a few times that they over think their answers.
What’s your experience ? I love quick back and forth it feels like there is more of a connection but are they’ve just better at texting ?
P
*they just better at texting?
Liz Lemon
Some people aren’t good at texting. Also keep in mind that just because someone is a witty texter, it doesn’t mean you’ll click and have chemistry in person.
I think it’s better to meet in person sooner rather than later for this reason. You don’t really get a feel for what a person is like over text.
Do you feel you have enough in common with this person? Do you have any interest at all in meeting them? Rather than trying to have long conversations over text, I’d encourage you to meet if you’re at all interested. A 30 minute coffee date will give you a lot more answers than long, drawn out conversations over text. If you don’t click with this individual in person, you can just move on.
Tallspicy
I suggest a call before meeting. You get a sense of real energy etc.
T from NY
What Liz Lemon said. Be wary of men who prick your interest via texting. It can typically mean, though certainly not always, that they are practiced with charming women, playing the game, and have lots of convos going on. I’ve found the more charming a guy is – the more likely he’s not looking for a serious relationship. If you’re just looking for casual, fun, human connections – then definitely weed out the boring dudes. But also remember – virtual chemistry does not always correlate with in-person chemistry. Don’t chat too long. 2 weeks, 3 weeks tops!
mama
I have had mixed results basing my impressions on text only. (i.e., horrible in-person chemistry with a great texter, or great chemistry with a boring texter.) I think if you are wavering about someone, having them call to chat a bit before meeting up is a helpful way to get a good idea if you are a match.
AngieBaby
So are you looking for a text comedian or a real life partner? This is a very shallow indicator to use to find a good guy. I’ve consistently found having too much contact before meeting almost ensures disappointment at the first IRL meeting. I have some email on the OLD site, maybe a phone conversation. Will only text about date details.
Maddie
Texting on the apps is to make the initial connection and gauge if the person is someone you want to get to know better (in person or maybe the phone or video chat), or if there are obvious red flags / lack of follow up on their end. That’s about it. I’ve had mixed results with “text” chemistry. Some of the best banter didn’t translate in person at all, as the guys were actually very socially awkward or all charm and no substance. One of the worst dates I’ve ever been on followed a very nice phone call (there was a red flag I knew about and ignored, and then we had an unfortunate misunderstanding in person). I’ve had good first dates after fun phone calls or good text back and forth followed by being ghosted. Texts and profiles are a means to an end but don’t give you enough information on their own.
If you have a gut instinct reason you don’t feel comfortable, I’d always listen to that and not meet the guy. But if it’s just he seems fine but texting isn’t the most exciting, give it a chance to see if there’s a connection in person or not. If you’re concerned you’ll be bored, set up a first date that is convenient for you and short by design (like a quick cup of coffee at a local shop). If it’s really a drag, you can be on your way as soon as you finish your drink.
Maddie
Lol just read through the replies and saw Liz suggested the same thing!
P
Thanks for your input everyone. She asked me to meet for a coffee, which is a good sign but it will have to wait until lockdown lifts again. I think I’m coming to realise that I rely on texting quite a bit to communicate, I’m really shy on the phone, so I tend to feel comfortable and chatty texting and its probably an ok sign if they are not like this.
I feel ok about it gut wise but coffee dates can be dry, maybe I will suggest a drink instead. I’m not a drinker but it does relax things a bit. The fact that they taught themselves to skate recently in their 40s makes them a bit interesting to me.
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